“Keep talking…..someday u will say something intelligent.”

“I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.”

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t..

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

If at first u dont suceed then ,skydiving definitely isn’t for u..!!

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done!

What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!!

The rich get richer and the poor get children..

It takes one woman twenty years to make a man out of her son and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool out of him..

If u keep ur feet firmly on the ground , you’ll have trouble putting on your pants…

Opinions are like armpits ; everyone has two of them , and most of the time they stink !!!

It’s very easy to love mankind ; But it’s difficult to love a man..

Hate is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.

The worst part of life is waiting. The best part of life is having someone worth waiting for.

I gave up smoking, drinking, and sex…worst 15 minutes of my life..

A man may be a fool & not know it- but not if he is married !!

I don’t like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times..

Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who’s got the smallest..

Earth first. We’ll screw up the other planets later..

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls..