Most of us think we are ‘good’, socially acceptable people. For instance, I’m reasonably popular amongst my colleagues. An extrovert. A people’s person. A listener. An advisor. A silent keeper of dark secrets. My friends trust me. My in-laws’ family think I’m perfect daughter-in-law material. But then does all this make me a ‘good’ person? What is the benchmark for ‘goodness’?

I introspected. And I came up with some facts that don’t make me feel so good about being me. Am I really the nice person that people think I am? I hope so. But I’m not so sure!

I tell lies. Sometimes, I guess, we all are forced to. To clients, for example, I give excuses when I’m unable to complete a job on time. To my boss I give a different excuse for not completing the same job. But the real reason, if I’m honest about the slip up is usually my carelessness or lethargy or chalta hai attitude. But then I live the lie I tell so that even I begin to believe that it’s true! So what kind of a person am I? Does this happen to you as well?

I pretend. Sometimes when I’m with people, I pretend to be interested in what they are saying. I pretend to listen and I give shallow half, hearted advice. All the while, my heart wishes it were elsewhere, doing something else. It’s screaming to be let off. But then I smile and carry on my ‘good girl’ act. Does that make me an evil person? Does this ever happen to you?

I curse people behind their back. Sometimes social etiquette demands that I be nice to people on their face. But if I dislike those people then I curse and laugh at them behind their backs. If someone was doing that to me – and I learnt about it – it would really upset me. Isn’t it better to not pretend and tell the person on their face rather than talk behind their backs? But somehow I’m unable to do that. So am I not being very mean? Have you ever been in this situation? How do you react?

I could go on.

But then I’m yet again being a coward. I’m afraid of being very honest and losing my MS friends! So what I want to know is - does others’ opinion of us shape the individual that we are? In trying to live up to that cultivated image do we end up being what is expected of us rather than the ‘real’ us? Do we ever analyse ourselves? Do we have an honest opinion about ourselves? Does our self opinion matter at all? Or is this persona that we present to others more important? Where can we find the real us?