Whoever said that India is not well prepared to tackle terrorism and ensure safe conduct of World Cup Hockey tournament!
See an advt by .............. listing items banned at the venue-
List of restricted items…..
Alcohol – this is not a bar.daaru vaaru peeke aana.
Bottles – kya socha beer peeke khali bottle baad me bechoge…hum intelligent hain. baatlee humein de do.
Cans – wah bhai!bottle ke liye naa bola to can bhee nahin. Chalo, saaab ko can denge.
Chair(s)/ Stool – you thought you could sell extra tickets, no way.
Firearm(s) – andar hockey match hai, world war nahin.
Knive (yeh kya cheez hai) / Dagger / Sword / Scissor / cutting (yeh kya hai, cutting chai?)/ sharp/pointed edged material- lo bhai, hum ne saare hatyaar nikal diye .
Dangerous good(s) - arre… uskee girlfriend badee dangerous hai….ab kya karoon....
Firework(s)/ crackers – you thought you will celebrate your team's victory.
Flare / Distress signal – aw! This is bad. Phir spectator distress mein kya karega.
Glass container – container mein bhee daaru nahin bhai!
Illegal substance(s) / items – bura na mano, ab tak kee list ke saare items tho legal thhey.
Laser light / pointer / flash light –na na koi light nahin..apna flashlight ghar pe rakho..
Musical instruments – hum sangeet ke dushman hain.
Roller blades / skates- match boring hai to bhee no skating.
Skateboards – same explanation as above
Loud hailer / whistle / horn – haath se seetee bajayi to haath kaat denge hum......
Sporting balls – thank god! Mein to dar gaya thaa…par saare sports…phir to problem hai.....match dekhne jaaooo ki nahin.....
Temporary signage and promotional product - let us make it verry clear..no temporary stuff….dum hai to permanent signage lagaa do.
Animals – oh my god! ..aur meri biwi ne mujhe aaj subah jaanwar kahaa….shayad Delhi police ne ab tak sunaa nahin hai.
Flags (poles) – arre bhai! Pehle yeh decide karo ki flag ban karna ki pole ki dono..
Matchbox / lighter – bhai aag na lagne denge hum
Cigarette – Bidi – chal ab kaise smoke karega ( Is Cigar banned ?)
Inflammable item – jalne waalee koi cheez hum andar na chodenge…kapde bhee jalte hain…so chalo…all of you…come on….sharmaao mat...rule hai bhai...
Chewing tobacco / Guthka – 22 no, padhke tum khush ho rahe thhey…lo yah bhee confiscate kiya.
Tiffin(s) – khana khane ka iraada thaa kya…chal bhookha match dekh…suna nahin ka jeet keliye bhookha….....
Eatables(except baby food) – hum mein bhee insaniyat hai..bachon ko chod diya.
Binoculars - dekho. Theek se nahin dikhta to….ghar jaake replay dekho.
Umbrella – hum ne mausam vibhaag se raaay lee hai..barish bilkul nahin hogee..daro mat.
Handicam / Camera – no photo, video…(cameraphone kab ban karoge ?)
Laptop – office kaa kaam office mein…bhaag yahan se..multitasking karne aaya kya…@@#$
Backpacks - jo laana hai haath mein pakadke laao..peeth pe nahin…
Sprays – thoda bahut booo sah nahin sakte kya ?
Perfume – gift dene nikle ho kya ?
Envelope / packets/parcel/torn up paper – likhna saaf mana hai...
Pen / pencils – lo…kiseene haath pe likhne kee koshish kee tho ? ab beta kaise likhogey ?
Balloons – hum bade efficient hai…doooor kaa sochthe hain......
Radio / i-pod with external speaker - match dikhta nahin to sunenge socha kya?ha…ha
wooden stick(lathi) / hockey stick other than participants – thank god!! Agar khiladiyon ka hockey stick naa chodthe tho…phir kaisa match….dekha hum bhee intelligent hain..
Coins – note to nahin dete….chalo chhillar se kaam chalatey hain…