Today is 30 th death anniversary of my son who died the day he was born,rather he was

still born,the mistake of the doctor of just few seconds,made him to drink water through nose and he died peacefully,thanks god he did not suffer though he was so beautiful to look and weighted good also and most handsome I can say ,the feeling of his death wil never get erased in my life.

My son u died because I had no capacity to take care of u,business became so bad and I had lost so much money and if u had really lived,i think desperate felt I would have been to take care of u,to give u food and also even small expenditure was difficult to meet if u had lived.

MY SON ACTUALLY I FELT SO HAPPY THE DAY U DIED.

My son god will never forgive me,because I was just unable to maintain this feeling as a father of u,i have hidden from your mother,acutally ur mother has never known that I was showing

inner happiness when the doctor pronounced that you are dead or still born.

son I was curious how good u looked but u were stunningly handsome.

son I cant forget how I took u in my hands,and I went with the digger who dug to place u

in the small pit,he just asked me to pay him 5 rupees,actually I had not much cash with me,so I felt good for he asked just five rupees.

i just bought a white cloth in the market so casually,as per the digger only I went fast to the market and paid for 2 meters cloth white cloth 10 rupees,i had to calculate even while you were dead,was finding tough to spend such small fund from my pocket,this my wife would not know even now.

MY SON MY WIFE DONT KNOW I KEEP THIS PAIN IN ME SINCE THIRTY YEARS.

MYSON THE GUILT IN ME SO MUCh IF I die due to any reason accidant even if I am murdered by any reason,it is justice for having not taken care of u,and not mourning for your death on the day u was born.

my son I should have taken ur photo,but did not,it was my mistake,by today u would have been married with a small kid and alas all I carry is the rememberance of your pretty face.

u looked so peacefull though u was dead.

my son how can u be so handsome,peacefull and never showed the pain of death,

so I just pinched softly to feel how it will be felt ,and at this time I felt son as I pinched softly there was response as if u would carry the feel of it as they say soul never dies.

lastly son I did not kiss u, I should have though u was dead ,who will forgive me son

god will not not even I can forgive my self.

lastly son I promise now, I will do something good for the mankind so someone somewhere on this earth when he feels all my love and respect will be because of u.

u still forever live in my mind and heart for the rest of my life.

tell me what du want from me,as ur not reachable tell me in my dreams today.

i express my sincere sorry as this is the first time in 30 years I am confessiing my guilt feel.,i have not much detialed the reason for your death still born,some where my guilt over powers all others mistakes,so guilt is mine pain will be felt by me,and I should suffer for the rest of my life,is it right tell me son.

son after finishing this confession,i waited for few minutes and found there was comment by four persons by five minutes time.

once I started to read the comment the COMMENT MADE BY JAVEED AHMED

took me into deep emotional crying.

i started to cry,i sobbed uncontrolably my son when other can feel the pain,for thirty years I did not shed tears for u,and this cry and sob was muffled,did want it to be seen or heard by others,so I sobbed for a clear one minute till my eyes drained enough tears.

son I must thank javeed because it was his comment gave went for flood gate of emotion to outburst from me,and sort of traanquility and mourning started to feel in me,son it is like

i am mounring period to mend myself to correct.son so many have shown their sympathy,u might read also because ur a person still in me.

son I should haver really fondly held in my arms and enough kisses on your cheeks I did not give at all.

i did not know if I can touch u,as I laid you in the pit,the grave digger asked me if u want to do anything,i asked him can I touch him,instead of I should have kissed and held u in me for at least one hour but I was so ingnorant I just pinched softly ur hand,that is all,the way

u slept so peacefull inside the pit showed that u wanted to really live and the cause of your death is certainly me squarely I should blame,this confession I vent openly let the world know,as a parent I should have taken your mother to bangalore and stayed there,the two frequent journey and in the middle of the night the car journey and the bad roads all collided and the last nail was the delay by just one minute by the doctor who delayed to attend ur delivery.

one minute delay is all the reason