Dear diary,

Today I want to share with you something very very intimate to my heart. It's something that I have always been running away from...something that I never wanted to face. I want to confess on this friendly forum.

I never realised or thought how it would be to have a sibling. I have always wanted to have an elder brother for some reason I dont know.

My innocent demands to Mom would be to get me an older sibling. When Mom would explain to me that its not possible, I suggested adoption. This was when I was 7 years old[ M sure u must be wondering, how well can kids talk].

I tried my best all through my innocent and teen years looking for boys who were older than me and thought they were my brothers. But then I realised, they were only friends and none even remotely belonged to family. They have been the bestest pals and have protected me like brothers, but then, some where the line was drawn.

I fought with my Dad cos I wanted to have that competitive feeling which is mere fun than anything else.

Mom is the completely docile being who would never fight or argue. She would simply put across her words of wisdom and I would zip up!

I have always had a lot of friends, a huge big group. Its strange that the relationship I shared with each one in the group was different from the other. I knew what they liked and I knew what kind of people they were from with in. They made sure they shared their inner most fears, worries, tensions and everything with me.

Here I was the older sibling. Listening, teaching, protecting, guiding and all of that!

Then came college, Lots and Lots of friends again. But we were grown-ups now.

The siblings essence returned. I wanted a sibling at home, someone whom I could run back and tell all my stories to. Some one who would listen and yet not judge.

Some one who would have all the time in the world for me and ofcourse I would too.

Time passed and I got myself busy with things and tried real hard to push it all away.Yes, I was running away from it.

Then came graduation, I found Snehal, my dearest friend, who has shared the inner-most secrets of my life. Things that I have feared sharing with my mirror. Some one, whom even to this day I can rely on sharing anything and everything!

Then, came the other phase, out of college and work-life.

Again made lots more friends, had a gala time. Then wedding.

Missed having a sibling the most. I realised I cant run away from it, but yet couldn't face it!

From pin to pen, I completely arranged my wedding, cos Mom was busy working.

My aunt, stayed on and was with me all through. I can probably become a wedding planner, the way everything in my wedding was organised[ I feel proud now]. Then it was a tedious job. Wedding has so many things to be done.

I did it all single handed, getting tips and guidance from my aunt.

There were ofcourse really big things that my parents and uncles and aunts took care of.

But a sibling would have made a big difference.

I wanted my wedding to be very very organised where nothing should be missing or say going wrong at any point. A perfectly well planned and executed wedding!

Hmm...out of my house now. Little things that happen with the in-laws, husband, parents even at times, I missed a sibling!

Today when I look around to share what I do everyday, I miss a sibling. When I need someone to suggest me some things, I miss my sibling. When I need someone to be there after my parents are gone, I miss my siblings.

There are cousins and closest uncles and aunts...but a sibling is different.

They are like parents, they are always there for you. You can share anything u want, talk anything u want. There are there at good and bad times. They are like pillars of strength when the world goes down on u. They are family!!

I miss having a sibling.

I have realised all of this cos I dont have one, if you have one, you should realise their value and up should you rise and go ahead and tell them how much you love them and how much they mean to you!

My husband has filled in the gap, I am very very fortunate.

I have my sister-in-law[co-sister], Veds who has also been there for me and with me after my wedding!

But nonetheless, I confess missing a sibling!!

Tanna, my dear, I am sure you have realised this!

Take care ...

Love

Suj