“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy”

~ Frank Sinatra

Or reality is the illusion created by the scarcity of alcohol! I was trying to convince myself - It is the D - Day! Company sponsored get - together at Taj Residency. Our beloved CEO, who prefer to open his mouth to abuse or drink alcohol is going to be around. This time his target group happened to be management trainees and hence I am invited.

I was given proper induction by my Manager regarding the decorum and etiquette to be followed during the party!

Rule 1 - Consume alcohol. An HR professional should drink alcohol (?!)

Rule 2 - Break Rule 1 at your own risk.

I tried to convince myself with what Ernest Hemingway opined "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend his time with fools"

My psyche was conditioned by the monstrous boozers who are engaged in adultery - thanks to the local toddy shop near my home! Second, the chemical formula of primary alcohol was not at all appealing - C2H5 OH - Sounds likeSee Two Hi Fi Ohhhh! Too much hi-fi, does not appeal to a proletariat like me! After all, it is an organic compound that might be as dull as charcoal or as strong as diamond!

Anyways, time to park preferences! There is no way out than to taste the sin! The colorful array of Lal - Neela - Peela bottles was in abundance and they have followed a Hobson's choice pattern! We are at the mercy of the waiter! He poured the elixir of life to the wine glass and asked me "Ice or Soda"! The chemically polluted brain forced me to think of the possible reaction between C2H5OH and H20 or Carbonated drink - I thought of the possibility of effervescence in my delicate intestinal track and said "Nothing. I will have it this way". He stared me in total awe and I could see conspicuous admiration in his body language.

Now - I became a bit brand conscious. I heard of local brands with funny sobriquets! The popular brands of arracks were "Bride" (In local language Manavatti) which will keep your head bowed like a bride out of shame. You will be free from this posture in three days.

Another brand having a spiritual dimension was "Jesus" - that makes you raise your arms as if you are crucified!

Also you had "The revolution" (In local language "Viplava Arishtam") that make you feel like a comrade having uncontrollable hand movement as if you are about to fire-spit "Inquilab Sindabad"

Thanks God - I have bye - passed all these stages! I have dared to gulp the colourless liquid in one shot and for the first time I feel what Thums UP advertisers meant - "Taste the thunder"

The fire-ball was pushed inside my tender and delicate digestive track! All hairs of my body started dancing out of ecstasy! I saw Brahma - Vishnu - Maheshwar in one shot! I have experienced penury and spiritual bliss in one shot! Is this what they call "Kick"!

In a few seconds, I have bye-passed the stage of Bride, Jesus, Revolution and became a Snake. I was on the floor and was about to crawl!

Rest of the story ---- is based on secondary sources as I have bid adieu to my conscious mind!

I have delivered an excellent speech on the desired growth model of the company which would have impressed the CEO but alas ---- my posture was a bit out of fashion! I was sitting on the lap of my colleague!

I hugged my CEO and pinched him and said "New Pinch! You look smart"

Sensing the imminent mishap; I was taken out of the party hall and was served with fresh lime and curd! I have vomited vociferously in the wash basin and passed out!

It was quite late to hire a taxi but somehow they could manage a tipper carrying buffaloes! I was made comfortable in the company of buffaloes and the driver agreed to drop me near my hostel!

In the morning - I almost smelt like buffaloes! Hilarious! Next day - I gained the status of a cupid for no reason! People used to approach me to teach them the "art of consuming alcohol without water or soda"

Someone remarked "You were not inducted to drinkers club properly!"I am happy that I was not inducted - Hence I remain as teetotaler!

Dedicated to those who drink, die and then continue drinking ---