What They Say --- What They Mean

Yes --- No

No --- Yes

Maybe --- No

I'm sorry. --- You'll be sorry.

We need --- I want

It's your decision --- The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want --- You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk --- I need to complain

Sure... go ahead --- I don't want you to.

I'm not upset --- Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly --- You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight --- Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights --- I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient --- I want a new house.

I want new curtains --- and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

Hang the picture there --- No, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise --- I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? --- I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? --- I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute. --- Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? --- Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. --- Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? --- Too late, you're dead.

Was that the baby? --- Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling! --- Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.