’’Maar daala ... allah ... maar daala ...’’ Talk about the effect a mere film can have on one’s psyche! Mein Madhuri Dixit Banna Chahti Hoon has not even released and people are already singing like Mads for their Devdas. However, it does feel a little strange to hear a male singing this. Don’t pop your eyes out ... listen to the whole story ...
The nikamma I am, I was roaming the streets of Mumbai like a vagabond, singing ’’Awaarapan ... Banjaarapan.’’ (I am not that lucky however to have Bipasha Basu as my girlfriend ... Still, there is no harm in dreaming and thus, the song.) Suddenly, my melodious voice (It’s a different matter that I am the only one who considers it melodious!) was interrupted by a pavement dweller who wanted to change his gender and become Madhuri Dixit. When I enquired from him as to why he kept crooning ’Maar Daala’, he answered, ’’Salman Khan ne humein maar daala ... ’’ and burst into uncontrollable tears. ’’Uhh uhh’’ I thought, ’’what kind of a person is this?’’ Suddenly, realisation dawned upon me that I was standing outside American Express Dairy, Bandra and the man was lamenting the loss of his near and dear one, whom Sallu had kil ... ahem ... run over.
I do not know how to swim and since the poor chap’s tears were threatening to flood the entire street, I tried my best to stop him, but to no avail. He wailed, ’’He got away just because he is an actor ...’’ The statement shocked me to the extent that I was rooted to the spot. I whipped out my cell phone and called up a friend of mine who is such an ardent movie buff that he could tolerate MPKDH thrice (!) ?It’s a different matter that he demanded compensation for ’brain erosion’ from the Supreme Court thrice and the lucky chap got the compensation moolah thrice too!
’’Hey, listen ... I got some shocking news. I just heard that Salman Khan is an actor, ’’ I said.
’’Ya ... so?’’
’’When did he learn to act for God’s sake?’’ I asked.
’’Raj, have you forgotten Andaz Apna Apna?’’
The slum dweller thought I lost my mind because I suddenly started laughing the kind of laugh which takes a good thirty seconds to end. No, I was not imitating Shah Rukh Khan’s maniac laughter, it’s just that the very name Andaz Apna Apna makes one guffaw hysterically!
Andaz Apna Apna revolves around Amar Prem. No, Mr. Rajesh Khanna, I wasn’t referring to your flick in which you drawl to Pushpa on how you hate tears. Those are merely the names of our two principle characters.
Aamir Khan plays Ailaa! Amar, while Salman Khan plays Ui Maa! Prem ( God, not again ... ! )
Amar, a circus ka retired bandar and Prem, a bandar with a tarbooz on his head are two pranksters with stars in their eyes. No, they are not astronomers, instead they want to get rich quickly by marrying a ’bigde hui baap ki ameer beti’. The entire film revolves around how they try to outdo each other and woo the heiress.
Two more male actors on the brigade include Raveena Tandon and Karisma Kapoor. Yes, you read that correctly. Raveena & Karisma seem filled more with testosterone than our two monkeys, Amar and Prem. For added proof, Karisma Kapoor wears a moustache which would grant her entry into Bhawani Shankar’s office of Golmaal fame.
Apart from these 2 + 0.5 +0.5 male actors (Karisma & Raveena are the decimal males), is the champion actor, who has never been given his due. Andaz Apna Apna is a treat for Paresh Rawal fans because there are two! Playing the diverse characters of Teja and Mr. Bajaj, Paresh Rawal is simply brilliant, but then, what’s new in that?
Whenever Rawal is brilliant, his acting prowess rubs off on others. In his company, a certain reckless driver called Salman Khan, who seriously needs donations of shirts, learns to act. No, I am not lying, it is indeed the only film (apart from ’Khamoshi’) in which Sallu has done something apart from stripping (eeks!) and drawling, ’’Yo dude!’’
Unfortunately for the poor viewers, Paresh Rawal’s prowess didn’t rub off on the leading men ... er ... ladies of the movie. Karisma Kapoor is a disgrace to her present self, both looks wise and acting, too. Raveena Tandon tries to deepen her voice to acquire the baritone of her ex, Akshay Kumar. Need I add that the result is disastrous?
Shakti Kapoor plays the most famous character on MS - Crime Master Gogo, a lunatic who prefers to play marbles with eyeballs, this is the first (and only) time, when Shakti Kapoor makes you laugh and not cry with exasperation. And how! Crime Master Gogo makes fleeting appearances and leaves you laughing for time aplenty!
The funny bone of Andaz Apna Apna, however is Aamir Khan. Yet another film in which he races past everyone! Laugh at the innocent outbursts of ’’Ailaa’’, laugh a little more when he tries to do a Beckham by playing football with ... glasses (!), and laugh even more when he builds castles in the air while talking to his father (Deven Verma in a cameo) and the two start dancing on the street. Aamir’s performance is the perfect definition of the word ’rip-roaring’! Add to that his singing - watch out for his rendition of ’Dekha hai pehli baar’ from Saajan. Do remember to hold on to your seats as there is a danger of you falling off in laughter!
The music is not much to speak of, though the singer who sings Aamir’s songs sounds suspiciously like Rafi Saab ...
Last heard, India have been considering hacking the Pakistani satellite telecast and airing ’Andaz Apna Apna’. While each and every Pakistani is rolling on the floor, having convulsions with excessive laughter, India can easily attack. There is a tiny catch, though. The Indians won’t have the time to attack ... they will be busy laughing themselves ...
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And if you have stopped laughing, can we have some comments, please?