Over here in the UK I used to be an AOL user, there you go I admit it, go on flame me with a few e-mails see if I care! see I’m aiming to change your opinion of me, for AOL was only a respite whilst I awaited a sign-up disc from NTL, so with my computer originally being hooked up to BTInternet’s £10 a month 0800 evening and weekend deal, well for reasons we won’t go into here I transferred to the night-shift at work and that deal wasn’t really my idea of fun, so thats how I’ve ended up in this fine mess.
But I bet you want a few details now don’t you? so heres a transcript of my recent web-conversation with everybodys favourite internet face ’Connie’ using my name on the english opinion-site dooyoo I give you triplecthegame’s conversation with Connie
Triplecthegame: So connie, working for AOL must be fun then?
AOL: Sorry the user-name triplecthegame has been taken already please choose again
Triplecthegame: fine!, its only a temporary solution anyway, I’ll bang my year of birth at the end of my name - so lets have triplecthegame79
AOL: Sorry the user-name triplecthegame79 has been taken already please choose again, please choose from CTriplecthegame, 79triplecthegame or create another name here
Triplecthegame: Ok then! CTriplecthegame will be fine!
CTriplecthegame: as I was saying connie AOL then,
Connie: why the strange user name?
CTriplecthegame: don’t ask, your company already has someone with my user name its no biggie
Connie: Ok!
CTriplecthegame: So whats the deal your employers are offering me then?
Connie: Well, for the miniscule sum of £14.99 a month you can go online with AOL whenever you want and never pay for the phone-calls
CTriplecthegame: miniscule!? Freeserve are offering the same for £9.99!! Oh heck you lot have got a reputation of being a good ole ISP, I’m in!
Connie: whoa there friend you don’t think you can become an AOL user straight away just like that do you?
CTriplecthegame: well, errrrrr, yeah!
Connie: Oh no of course not, you have to visit https://aol.com and request a disc with the totally free months trial on it, install that, have a total of 24 hours worth of freephone net-calls for a month, pay for a little while then you can have the 24 hours a day access.
CTriplecthegame: OK!
AOL: Sorry we have lost connection to AOL, please try again
CTriplecthegame: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
30 minutes worth of engaged tones and messages telling me that the London codes have changed later and we’re back
Connie Welcome to AOL
CTriplecthegame: thanks!, ok I’ve done all that can I now join please?
Connie: OK
CTriplecthegame: Great! so I’ve got 24 hour connection now?
Connie: You have
Connie: Goodbye!
AOL: Sorry we have lost connection to AOL, please try again
CTriplecthegame: many expletives
Instant re-connection this time
Connie: Welcome to AOL
CTriplecthegame: OooooooooooooooK!
Connie: Do you want to buy our guidebook to AOL 6.0? we’ll bill it to your AOL account
CTriplecthegame: No, thanks
Connie: OK would you like to set up a friend list on AOL?
CTriplecthegame: Once again no thanks I’d like to just start surfing now thanks
Connie: OK, how are you finding AOL so far?
CTriplecthegame: well, what time I’ve been on its been pretty quick - 56kbps no less, but we’re not getting much time online here I keep getting cut off
Connie: OK I apologise if you would like to visit keyword: ENGAGED then you can ascertain if you have any problems
CTriplecthegame: OK I’ll do that but first that brings me onto my next little gripe now we’re ’inside’ AOL whats the deal with the AOL browser?
Connie: Well what do you mean?
CTriplecthegame: Well its.....
Connie: Goodbye!
AOL: Sorry we have lost connection to AOL, please try again
CTriplecthegame: even more expletives
more connection problems this time lasting about 5 mins
Connie: Welcome to AOL
CTriplecthegame: you get commission for that or something?
Connie: Well its in the contract
CTriplecthegame: Ok, well where were we?
Connie: You were saying how great AOL are
CTriplecthegame: I’d never do that! in fact I remember now you where going to tell me what was up with the AOL browser
Connie: so what was it you was wanting to know?
CTriplecthegame: well, its awful, you login you get adverts.....
Connie: Do you want to buy our guidebook to AOL 6.0? we’ll bill it to your AOL account
CTriplecthegame: don’t start
Connie: ok
CTriplecthegame: not only are we getting these adverts (points finger at Connie and mumbles I’m warning you) but there isn’t any history of sites you’ve visited, every page you open isn’t expanded to the screen size and well I could continue
Connie: please don’t
CTriplecthegame: OK we’ll have a look at this message I’ve got the feedback on my connection problems
Connie: You should be pleasently surprised
CTriplecthegame: ooooooh nice, we’ve got a specific number for my area of the UK for me to try, great! BRB
Connie: Goodbye
Disconnects, dials new number, gets an unobtainable tone, gives in and reverts to back-up number
Engaged tone
CTriplecthegame: Damn you AO-Hell
Connects after 5 minutes of engaged tone AGAIN!
Connie: Welcome to AOL
CTriplecthegame: damn you to haedes Connie, do you know I’m a writer on https://mouthshut.com I’m going to tell everyone on there how bad this service is
Connie: Just try it and you’ll get cut off fish-boy!
CTriplecthegame: I thought you were the friendly face of AOL!
Connie: I am unless you bad-mouth AOL then you see the evil Connie
CTriplecthegame: well I’m still going to do it
Connie: We’ll cut you off!
CTriplecthegame: don’t care!
Connie: (grinning evilly) Goodbye
Right folks this is where the conversation ended as you can see I’m not getting very far with AOL but I’m going to log on as a visitor and see if I could avoid the sniper that is Connie
Visitor: here we go, good disguise eh?
Connie: Welcome to AOL
Visitor looks around sheepishly