Disclaimer: This piece of work is not intended to bruise the feelings of those who love biscuits, Britannia or otherwise. This is just an opinion and not particularly lucid at that. If you have come looking for advice, cease and look somewhere else. If you are here to pass the time, then please do read ahead. And oh, get a pack of Britannia Vita Marie while you are at it.
Trivia 1: My father works for Parle and here I am, promoting a rival brand. I am not paid to do so, if anyone wants to know.
Trivia 2: I hate glucose biscuits with a vengeance. Actually, I hate all biscuits with a vengeance with the possible exceptions of Britannia Vita Marie and Britannia Jam Treat (so sue me). I still like to refer to Britannia Vita Marie as just Marie – do not confuse this with the original Britannia Marie that needs to be made palatable only with repeated dunkings in a tepid cup of sad tea.
So what am I doing writing a review on Marie? I don’t know. Except, I thought since I hate all those biscuits, maybe the fact that I like these two from the Britannia stable makes them all the more review-worthy.
Things I like about Britannia Vita Marie:
See-through packaging: This means I get to choose the whiter and un-burnt packs. I really hate burnt biscuits. There’s nothing worse (on my palate) than a burnt, soggy biscuit that leaves its taste even in tepid tea!
Less than sweet: I don’t like those things that make the tea lose its sweetness. So that necessarily rules out most biscuits and jalebis. Marie though, commits no such faux pas. It’s just barely sweet enough to nibble on and safe enough to dunk in tepid teas without having the tea turn into a cup of tepid, bland, dishwater.
Crunchy: This is the part I like best. I like dunking things in tepid tea to make them lose their crispness (and this is not limited to Marie – things like chaklis and muthiyas have been known to find their way to the bottom of my tepid teacup – so sue me.)
Trivia 3: I believe in the dunking test. If a biscuit is well-made and was taken out of the oven at the precise time, it will absorb the tepid tea faster. Be careful not to lose the prize to the cup, though. I hate fishing soggy things from the bottom of my tepid teacup. Reminds me of something I’d be better off not to mention in any food review.
And last, but not the least –
- Marie makes an excellent dog-food: Sometimes, when I am in a charitable frame of mind (or lost without my tepid tea), the cute little mongrel pup outside my office door gets a feast. So he brings in all his brothers and sisters and they all have a feast. By the time the whole canine congregation of Bandra west comes to know of the Britannia tea-party, the packet of biscuits is long gone and I am left with 50 pairs of sad, puppy eyes all mooning at me (sigh!). So I go and get another pack and then beat a hasty retreat before the dog-catcher takes me in too. Howl! What can I say! I love those creatures and they make me laugh.
In the end:
Fact: I do like Britannia Vita Marie and Jam Treat. While the former is associated with fevers and episodes of stomach upsets, the latter is a treat even to this day. And yes, I eat the jam after I finish all the cream and the two halves go into the bin, not into my mouth. Marie is a soother in the class of dal-chawal and aspirin and Ma ki mamta and chocolate. Jam Treat is a treat is a treat is a treat - what more can be said?
Fact: I am NOT an avid tea drinker. My beverage intake is limited to 1 coffee in the morning. I love aqua pura – water – it’s the best thing on earth. The tepid tea is provided by the office and I use it only to dunk Marie and feed it to the canine populace outside the office doors.
Fact: On most days, I am free of this dunk-Marie-feed-canine compulsive disorder. However, weekly manifestations of the symptoms are known to occur and those who mostly see me in this state are more than likely of the four-legged, tail-wagging persuasion than human.
Fact: I have absolutely no idea why I wrote what I wrote. Please attribute the above drivel to the new verbal diarrhoea infection that I have come down with. Brickbats (not) awaited. Sigh!