I finally agree with lallupanju. Somethings look Chocolate, but taste dog poop.
Quick Roundup for the impatient
Story - Contrived & Senseless. A merciless mishmash of Usual Suspects and other Hollywood crime movies. Harebrained Picturization.
Acting - Labored.
Director - Hitchcock-wannabe; Spotchcocked effort.
Dialogues - Fake and meaningless.
Camerawork - Outsourced to an amateurish MTV music video team?
Tanushree Datta - Big Bs. No, it’s not the ’brains’.
For the infinitely patient
Story
A blast in an Arab ship anchored in English harbor has British intelligence on the tenterhooks. It appears the ship was used in smuggling arms and linked to one Bin Laden. There has also been a 50 million pounds robbery from a well-guarded(?) bank van. Evidence links the incidents to a group of Indian immigrants with shady backgrounds and failing music career. All thanks to an overzealous newsreporter (Reddy). A hotshot Indian layer, Anil Kapoor, comes to their rescue. An earnest attempt by the lawyer to dig deep into the layers of lies and unearth the truth forms the rest of the story.
The story-writer, whoever he/she is, tries to sensationalize the story and situations linking them to post-9/11 international situations. For most parts - if you belive this, you’ll believe everything.
Acting
Suneil Shetty as one of the the main characters gives a fair idea about the overall acting prowess to be expected. Tanushree Datta, Emran Hashmi and Sushama Reddy complete the circle. Not to mention the irritating Arshad Warsi. A real pity to see some real decent effort by Irfan getting wasted.
As for Suneil, he doesn’t even need to say or emote anything; you know the moment he is seen onscreen. He never disappoints in providing a consistently comic performance throughout, though unintentionally. Be it jumping on a police car wearing a Osama mask, or the ease with which he jumps between laser beams. The top-of-the-lungs ’I am F*king...’ at a very crucial moment in the movie is a brilliant masterstroke. Just for that one scene Mr. Shetty should be awarded the ’THE Best Over The Top Performance of the Year’ award.
Anil Kapoor neither looks nor acts the street-smart lawyer, he is supposed to be. He tries to make it up through loudness. A poor chap whose heydays are long gone. With a haphazardly grown beard, he would fit to ’T’ the role of a cuckolded husband with a burnt candle and an extinguished flame. He makes vain attempts to look titillated by Tanushree’s thigh. As disastrous as his attempts to look ’cool’ while flirting with Sushama.
Satisfaction of having watched an overdose of Ms. Dutta’s vital parts in full detail is the only consolation prize. Whole movie seems to be bet upon her T&A, which are forced into every frame - whether needed or not. But why Sushama Reddy? She neither acts nor shows anything. Non-Performing Ass-sets!
Direction
Vivek Agnihotri’s idea of direction - Ape Hollywood. He pays tribute to Hitchcock, but tries to be Bollywood’s Quentin Tarantino. End result - an Ape; the KingKong of dumbness.
Some of the directorial blunders
Indian cars like Maruti Esteen and Santro in London parking lot!
Characters pumping bullets into thin air at the slightest pretext. They may be rubber bullets; but why make it obvious?
Tanushree Datta criss-crossing legs like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, exposing her *already* exposed legs. Worst part is Anil Kapoor’s half-hearted attempts to appear aroused.
Random scenes sewn together in a desultory manner.
Why do the characters hug the walls or try to walk through it, before robbing the bank van?
After turning out such a catastrophic disaster, Vivek still has the cheek to call Hitchcock his Guru! The latter must be turning in his grave after such a heedless namesdropping.
And for the record Chocolate means ’Opium’ in underworld slang, and not arms-trading (sic)
Door se dekha to Chocolate Cake nazar aaya
Door se dekha to Chocolate Cake nazar aaya
Paas jaake dekha tho gobar ka baas aaya