It’s time for me to own up to my sins. I had seen this movie a month back, in its week of release. It numbed me so bad, that my friend and I entered into a pact never to breathe a word of our misdeeds. Like a graver than gravest sin committed, we simply brushed this event under the carpet and decisively erased it out of our memories.
But that wasn’t to happen. Lady Macbeth’s hands were forever bathed in blood. What you desperately want to leave behind in life, returns like a rotten, recurrent nightmare. Like those letters reminding Sarah Michelle and her gang, “I know what you did last summer” Only in my case it would be, “I know what you did last month”
It were the promos of this movie’s television premier on Zee TV that cleared the cobwebs and served as a reminder of that horrible horrible sin I committed last month. Yes, I saw Chura Liya Hai Tumne, the Saturday of its release week. (I dissolve in embarrassment as I type this)
The movie is titled Chura Liya Hai Tumne. Almost accusing its audiences of being robbers. Au contraire! It’s the audiences like me who have been Swindled
I have been robbed off my sensibilities due to the dismally brain-dead goings on in the movie.
I have been looted off my belief in cinema when I see guys like Zayed Khan work in movies.
I have been swindled off my patience, when Thailand is shown to be a land of dragons and using Chinese script.
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But why am I even mentioning all this?
As if movie-makers bother about something silly like authenticity and something irrelevant like a story.
I should feel ashamed of myself for noting these errors. Why don’t I just digest things as they are?
Why can’t I be vacant-headed, and lovingly lap up whatever the movie-makers dish out, as they want me to be?
Why can’t I show some gratitude to them for having bestowed such meaningful cinema on me?
When will I ever learn to appreciate the hard work and effort that goes into making such movies however hysterically senseless they may be?
And how cruel can a person get to even think of criticising?
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The only respite on screen was this drop dead red-hot woman by the name Rakhi Sawant. In a blood red, miniscule two piece throughout the movie that kept me happily engrossed. (I loved the way she threatens Esha Deol with a knife in the loo, wished she’d had killed her and taken over the movie).
What merits particular notice is her (un)dress and performance in the song Mohobbat Hai Mirchi. My informative friend said she was rejected for Yana Gupta in the ‘Dum’ item song. Well, no one is complaining, there is enough scope and more for both.
Salil Ankola has a dashing screen presence, but the unfortunate chap has to take up parts of tertiary importance. Ironically, impressive guys like him have to be relegated to sidey roles, while absolute monkeys like Zayed Khan get leading roles. Ditto the case of Rakhi Sawant and Esha Deol.
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Esha Deol continues to remain under the impression that rolling her eyeballs skywards and then dropping them suddenly, along with a bosom heave is the prescribed method to convey any possible emotion like despair, love, amusement, fear, sorrow, humiliation, rejection, triumph, ecstasy, helplessness, suspicion, horror, pain, shock, lust et al.
To add to the fun, Zayed Khan copies her ideologies with a remarkable precision. (He, incidentally, did mention in a TV interview that Esha Deol taught him the use of different expressions, for different moods) What’s with Zayed’s and Esha’s hair, both seem to have left them unwashed for months. Don’t tell me that the characters demanded it. There were no characters to begin with.
I need to stop ranting about these two, but I really can’t help it. Maybe they laid a bet among them on who will irk audiences more and both have emerged glorious winners.
Gulshan Grover keeps growling “poke-ne-ka-tha” before/after/in the middle of anything he says. This irritating man must have a takiya kalaam in all his movies, and this one I don’t know what it means in Thai but in Hindi it means “you should have poked”.
There are two thumping n fun numbers by Himesh Reshammiya. ‘Mohobbat hai Mirchi’ and ’Boys are Best’ both expertly rendered by my current favorite singer Shaan
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Oh ah, I’m supposed to talk about the story too. It goes thus:-
Somewhere in Bombay a bank gets robbed, and the police in Bangkok is looking for the loot. What’s the connection? Please don’t ask me, I’m too dizzy by now to explain something you will never miss.
Esha’s uncle was a part of the robbery, but the moolah and the uncle have gone missing. She somehow lands in Bangkok and gets embroiled with the Thai Police, Indian embassy etc. Why does she go to Bangkok? Search me.
Zayed Khan is a mystery guy with unclear intentions. She believes in Zayed at one time, then she starts suspecting him. She alternates between believing and suspecting him some 20 times over in the course of the movie and that what its all about.
So who is Zayed? Where is the money? And what are Rakhi hot Sawant, Salil dashing Ankola, Gulshan irritating Grover and Vijay maniacal Raaz upto? Where is her dad, what what’s the relevance of Bangkok in the story? Frankly, are u even bothered?
If director Sangeeth Sivan makes such movies, I just hope his forthcoming ‘Sandhya’ is much better.
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Just skip its TV telecast that’s taking place in less than two months of its theatrical release. Explains the films quality in a nutshell.
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