I was fast asleep enjoying my Sunday afternoon and then this call from my friend. “Radhika, where are you, I have been trying for quite sometime since 12 noon. Can’t you answer a call? Listen, now the whole issue is repeating.” I was stunned, she was weeping and yelling away on the phone. Not again. He must have once again ruthlessly beaten her up. “What is the matter now? I thought we had already settled the issue with him?”
This had not been the first time and neither the last in many a woman’s life. She has been taking violence and violence seems to have taken the most important seat in her life. This friend of mine was married longtime ago and she has two daughters. Her husband never wanted children; because he always felt he would lead a happy go lucky life enjoying the money his wife earned. As many irresponsible men(not all men) he too never saw reason to go out and earn a penny for himself, leave alone the family.
I reached her home in a hurry and heard him screaming away, “I told you a hundred times to abort those pregnancies. Why didn’t you do that? And now you expect me to find money for their college. No way, just burn them alive.” Nothing unusual, it had been so many times, and sometimes I would end up completing the sentence for him. Children came running, totally shattered, “chitti, do something, he will kill us. My dress smells of kerosene.”
Unlike every other time, I just could not hold myself. Every time I would bring my friend and her children away from the home she built, with hard earned money. I would somehow pacify her and send her back because she really loved her husband, but was damned scared of his behavior. This time I was mad with anger myself and just thought for a while. What should I be doing to settle this issue once and for all?
I felt both the hands holding me tight. I just banged the door open, went straight up to him and slapped hard on his face. “The next time you touch your wife and your daughters or ill treat them, I will see that she lodges a police complaint. Now get out of this house.’’ I said. He shook like a worm and was shocked to see a meek person like me behave like that. Before he could even react, I said, “Once your wife and children call for help, nothing is private it turns a social issue. Anyone can intervene and help resolve the issue.” He left the house never to return. This episode has a lot to do with many women who see, tolerate and absorb violence everyday every minute.
Her daughters have been able to study in peace and are slowly settling in life. There were many who pointed a finger at her, but that did not change her attitude. She began to look up and walk with confidence and face the challenges in her life.
The past is not as important as the life after the whole incident. A woman, today needs to look into many issues before entering into a relationship called matrimony. When everything goes well, women tend to give away all power and surrender like a devoted wife. All is well, until the honeymooning is over, and then she sees several issues bombarding her life and psychic. Unknowingly, she tends to compromise everywhere, just to keep her nuptial ties intact.
This is where she is wrong. Like my friend, she spent a lifetime earning money, built a house and like a fool registered it in his name. Today women lack the implicit sense of women in the past. They had their husbands well within their hold and kept sufficient money in their hold, which was known as “stree dhanam” in the past. They would normally use it during the most difficult times in the family. A remarkable quality of the past that is totally absent in the present. In the past, financial independence was given utmost importance and today, most members of the family scorn financial independence of women in some way or the other. It gives her the confidence in life and most importantly, a security she craves for. A man need not feel inferior or suppressed by the financial independence of this wife. In a way, it betters the relationship between them. Saving some money in her name does not mean she is selfish.
Being a home maker, need not prevent a woman from doing something that brush up her other abilities like running a small-scale industry or being a small time entrepreneur. It may not fetch crores, but just the few hundreds that make a lot of difference. It really pays in times of extreme circumstances.
Women tend to strain their relationships with close relatives(not kith and kin) after marriage, who could be of good help during bad times. She could approach them in need and be rest assured that there is someone she could fall upon when trouble is round the corner. Good friends are of great help during distress as their advice brings a sea of change in the way they think.
Most important of all, she should learn the technique of controlling violence that causes havoc in her family. She need not begin to learn karate or kung fu, but be able to challenge violent outbursts that affect her.
The Rule of the Game - If it instills fear in her, she loses, but if she turns back with even little courage, she builds the world of harmony in life. An exception to this law of nature is – Power of courage comes with great responsibility.