This information is about both of my parents and caring or them in their old age. At this time, this is the only place to put this information here on MouthShut.com.
When my Father was diagnosed with having Dementia, it was a very devastating blow to all of us. My mother had to make some decisions for his well-being and I had to help her in those decisions. Some of those decisions are as follows and I hope that they will help those of you out there that my be faced with Dementia in your family:
Since the Doctors diagnosis of my father has only been thus far “Dementia” and the testing so far does show “severe short-term memory loss, ” we know that his memory will never improve. And as he gets older he will get worse. The Physician Assistant and I finally had a chance to talk on the phone. And these were her suggestions for mother: 1.) She should consider letting a few people in the small town that they live in know what is going on. 2.) Tell them only that my father has a health problem right now that may cause him to become somewhat disoriented or to loose his way. 3.) Only speak to people that she can trust to not damage my father’s pride or try to take his freedom completely way. 4.) By no means are we to let him leave town alone.
In knowing this new information my mother agreed. She had already spoken to their pastor and it would appear that many people within their church had already noticed a problem with my father and they were already looking out for him. This really touched my heart to know this. Also, the pastor is going to arrange for someone else to start teaching my fathers Sunday school. My father some time ago spoke with the pastor about this and had told him that he was to old to teach the class anymore.
My mother also decided that she would call the Mayor and speak to him. If there happens to be a new police officer on the force then that person or persons need to go buy and introduce themselves to my parents. This will allow my father to hopefully recognize this person should the need arise. Also, it allows the new officer to know what my father looks like and should he be seen in town coming off like a man who could be drunk, they will know that my father is sick and not jump to the wrong conclusion. It will allow them to offer better assistance to my father without damaging his pride. It will allow my father to still have a sense of meaning in his life. And for all elderly people suffering from memory loss this is a good thing. They must still feel important, even with little things.
The idea is to keep him with his normal routines as possible, at the same time have eyes in the backs of our heads so to speak, that allows us to keep him monitored. My sister feels that my mother may be jumping the gun here, and perhaps she is. But I do not think so. He will never get better and that is what we have to look at.
We have to give my father a sense of meaning, let him feel important, let him do for himself as much as he can. And when he can’t remember how to turn on the microwave or the water faucet just reach over there and say “hey daddy let me help you with that!” and do so. Don’t make a big deal out of it. When he gets turned around, we just point him in the right direction. And when he wonders of, we just go and find him and remind him he needs to let us know where he is going in the first place.
My mother has been so sick once again, falling and breaking her hip, which required surgery for a partial hip replacement, so my father has had this to deal with. My sister and I had to be sure he understood everything that was going on with her, for he had to make certain decisions in my mother’s care. In the end my sister and I had to make the decisions with him as well as for him. My mother will be in a nursing home for a few weeks and this leaves my father unattended at home. My sisters girls will take turns staying with him and my brother will come by as often as he can, as will my sister and I.
When your parents get old things change in life and sometimes those changes require major adjustments in the family. It is very important that when or if one of your parents or other family members are diagnosis with a serious disease that you learn all you can about that disease. It is also important that you realize that not all disease will kill, so don’t go thinking the worse.
However you do need to prepare for the worse and you do need to know how to handle all things. There are good programs out that there that will allow for such learning. The doctors will know how to help you as well.
I must say that my mother has always been a very sick woman and she has always looked to pain medications to help her, becoming very dependent on those medications. So dependent in fact that these medicines have caused her have ulcers in which she had 1/3 of her stomach removed. And she still looks to those medications for relief from her pain. Her doctor told her she could have ¼ cup of wine or wine cooler each night at bedtime to help her sleep. Well she decided to become her own doctor with this one and drank more than she was told to do. Becoming dependent on the drink now and with her medication, she was drunk when she got up in the middle of the night to go the bathroom and fell and broke her hip.
I knew this was what had happened when my sister called and told me about the broken hip. We have now had to make decisions on what to do about her. We have taken all her medication away from her for the second time, the first time was when she was here at my house after having surgery on her stomach, (and she shakes like a junky needing a fix), we have forewarned the head nurse at the nursing home about my mother’s sisters, who will sneak medication to my mother, and we have talked with my mother about this problem. She agrees that she has done some things wrong and realizes that is a problem. So she agrees to get help. We just have to keep her sisters away from her because they have the tendency to talk her into taking their pain medications.
So you see, there are a lot of severe illnesses out there, and each family has to learn the proper way in taking care of there loved ones. There will always be decisions that have to be made on your parent’s behalf, so a power of attorney should be considered. You as their child need to be aware of your parents SS numbers, insurance information, make sure all important business is taken care of, and be sure that your parents understand and that you understand what is taking place and why.
Dementia and drug use are very serious illnesses. My father will worsen over the next few years and most likely will be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and my mother will most likely go back to sneaking her medication. And my sister, my brother and myself will have to deal with it all accordingly.
Find out all you can about the disease, the doctor treating your loved one, the facilities they use. Find hobbies for them to do, call them, send them cards, and buy some flowers for them. You have to make them feel important at all times. Just because there has been a horrible happening within the family doesn’t mean you have to give up and you cannot allow them to give up either. And when one of them are acting like a child, politely tell them so. You must be honest at all times with anyone who is diagnosed with a severe illness. Even when it hurts you to do so!
Caring for my aging parents is hard work, but hey caring for me when I was a little was most likely harder work for them. So I don’t mind at all caring for my parents.
I hope this has helped in some kind of way.
God Bless!