The severity of The Krypt’s bout of writer’s block was sad. Let him put it this way- he’d stop writing before starting. Honest! It was getting to him.
As he clumsily browsed thru MS, RRCing some revus along the way, he saw a topic-’5 songs he’d sing for his beloved’.?FINALLY, ? he sighed. Now this was a been-there-done-that topic. It all came back whizzing at him.
That beautiful She-Devil, Tuna Fishface her name was. Those luscious bile-juice-colored eyes popping elegantly outta her warty purple face. The songs The Krypt sang for her.
They were 8(and not 5) songs. They weren’t ur stereotypical love songs. Let him elaborate. Look at his pic. Now imagine him down on one knee, holding a rotten(not withered) rose in a hand, & crooning in his grunty voice, ’Nothin’s gonna change his love for u’ or’Hello. is it him ur looking for?’ or’His heart will go on.’. Scary, aint it? Precisely the reason he sang other songs. songs he sang for his beloved.
-
2 Years Ago:
The Krypt is shaking his booty in Hellocity, Hell’s finest pub, to’LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA’. Suddenly, he spots a beautiful girl- Tuna- & stares at her, mesmerized. Everything around him seems to blur, except her. She catches his eye & blushes coyly, fluttering her non-existent eyelashes. It’s love at 1st sight for both. He had to profess it, he just had to. He clears his throat and sings:
1)’LADY, HEAR HIM TONIGHT, COZ HIS FEELING IS JUST SO RIGHT,
AS U-N-HIM DANCE, BY THE MOONLIGHT, CANT U SEE, UR HIS DAYLIGHT?’ by MODJO.
(This song is probably The Krypt’s favorite song, second only to Nirvana’s’Smells like.’. Modjo’s voice floats above the strums so effortlessly, it’s captivating.
The pulse of the song just lifts u off that couch and onto that dance floor. There is little wonder why this was voted as The Best Dance Number of The Decade. Also, though some say that the song is repetitive, it’s just this attribute that makes it all the more rocking. Delectable. Just plainly, purely delectable.)
The Krypt stops singing and looks around. Everybody in the pub has fainted- the DJ has slumped onto his disc. But Tuna, she looks at The Krypt, smiling, visibly touched. Thus begins their romance.
They start going around, frequenting Hell’s most beautiful marshes. One such visit, Tuna asks him if he’d still love her if she was as ugly as, say, Jennifer Aniston.’Of course, ’ he replies.
’And if, unfortunately, I lose my lovely warts? Would u still care about me? Wud u still be there for me?’
The Krypt smiles. He clears his throat and sings:
2)’HE’LL BE THERE FOR U’- The F.R.I.E.N.D.S theme song.
(The Krypt believes that the one u love is the one who is truly ur best friend. i.e Friendship and love are horribly but beautifully correlated. Integral to each other. And is there a better song than this to celebrate friendship? If yeah, enlighten him.)
Tuna hugs him. That day, he proposes to her with a beautiful Venus Fly Trap.’Yes, ’ she says, elated. They decide to get married on All Hallows’ Day.
The D-day arrives. It’s a very private affair- only the priest(a troll) is present other than the two, and Satan himself.
’Do u, Kryptus Morceillanus, ’ he drones, ’take Tuna Fishface to be ur lawfully wedded She-Devil?’
’He does, ’ says The Krypt.
’And do u, Tuna Fishface, take Kryptus Morceillanus to be ur lawfully wedded Devil?’
’I do.’
’U are now pronounced Devil and She-Devil. U may kiss ur She-Devil, Krypt.’
The 2 lock lips passionately. Suddenly, The Krypt breaks off, rushes over to the nearest piano and begins to play it. He clears his throat and sings:
3)’FOREVER’ by JOHN STAMOS(features in FULL HOUSE).
(The soft vocals accompany the beautiful piano vibes with graceful finesse. The sugar sweet lyrics will sweep ur woman off her feet, directly into ur arms.’He’s been so happy loving u.’)
That night, they enter The Krypt’s bedroom, both feeling deliciously naughty. Tuna teases seductively. He gapes. He clears his throat and sings:
4)’LET’S MAKE A NIGHT’ by BRYAN ADAMS.
(If its passion ur looking for, stop- ur in heaven. BA’s hungry voice & the deep and craving lyrics- right from’I love the way u look tonight’ to making love’January to December’- make the song as naughty as it can get. If this song aint sexy, the Krypt is afraid, nothing is.)
. Weeks go by & things go smoothly until, for some reason, Tuna stops talking to The Krypt. He has no clue why. She now continually gives him the cold shoulder. This goes on for days, leaving him bedazzled. So he corners her one day and tries to woo her back. He clears his throat and sings:
5)’HOLD ON’ by LIMPBIZKIT
(This is one of the few songs that Fred Durst actually’sings’. He brings about the pain and the yearning beautifully. The sole instrument in the background is the guitar. And it sounds blissful. The sans-expletive romantically-inclined lyrics and the soothing music will melt in ur ears. Yeah, it actually will.)
’Oh shut up, Krypt, ’ cries Tuna, ’I know ur cheating on me. I’ve seen u so many times with that, that.’. She bursts into tears & storms outta the house. The Krypt suddenly realizes who she’s talking about- but they were just friends, not lovers dammit! He’s gotta stop Tuna. He clears his throat and sings:
6)’BILLY JEAN IS NOT HIS LOVER’ by MICHAEL JACKSON
(He aint called the king of pop for nothing. Its sad wot he’s going thru but that doesn’t take away the fact that he is and probably will always remain one of the word’s best performers. Yeah, yeah The Krypt is an MJ fan.
This song- well, the beats, MJ’s voice & the energy he infuses, all make it a big, bad winner. As Eminem said, ’Lose urself in the music.’)
But Tuna doesn’t stop. She runs away into the darkness, into the nothingness, leaving the Krypt in utter despair.
That night, he tries to phone her, but she hangs up. So he heads straight for his in-laws’ place- he knows she’s there- & knocks at the door. She opens. She looks mortified and terribly angry. Her nostrils flare and she shoots acid from her tongue before slamming the door on his face. The Krypt falls down due to the force of the acid-shoot. His eyes well up. He clears his throat and sings:
7)’BANG BANG, HIS BABY SHOT HIM DOWN’ by NANCY SINATRA.
(It’s the opening song to The Krypt’s favorite film- Kill Bill. He just loves it. The acoustic work is fabulous; the lyrics are awesome delineating the sad-but-violent feel and the voice. WOW!
Overall, the acoustic and voice bind u, the lyrics blind u and SRK, Johar and Chopra grind u. sorry, couldnt think of anything else to rhyme with it.)
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