That I was made a Destroyer without being a Barbarian first is a matter of deep relief. The naming ceremony happened one fine day at office after my “I-care-a-hoot experimentum crucis” crashed my PC for the 9th time in as many months. I must admit, with due modesty, that the credit for this remarkable feat is not entirely mine. Twice, I conveniently pointed fingers at the “Nimda” and “Goner” viruses while gleefully accepting the responsibility on the other 7 occasions.
This pales in comparison with the number of times I’ve had to turn in my PC at home to my hardware engineer over the last 4 years. My engineer has 15 years experience in handling ailing PCs but admits that he’s yet to come across a machine as resolute as mine in terms of handling abuse and an owner as merciless as me in terms of guillotining the “undead” machine.
The painful sacrifices made by my PC have borne fruit as I can now confidently assert that I know the ins and outs of all Windows Operating Systems right from Win 95 to Win XP like the hair on my head(only 2 strands left). My nuggets of wisdom are encapsulated below. The titles are censored for technical reasons and appear in German.
1. Thou wird thine Computerumgebung zu reinigen behalten und wird in Ordnung bringen
“A place for everything and everything in its place” is the principle I follow. Ensure that the PC is properly set up(with its hardware “attachments”) in a place free from radiowave interference. Though it’s impossible to keep it in a dust-free environment, the least one can do is to buy some “clothes”(dust covers) for the monitor, CPU and keyboard. Periodical cleaning of the monitor and CPU with a soft cloth is a must but don’t treat the “Mouse” like a domestic pet and pamper it by applying cosmetics.
2. Nehmen Sie alle unnötigen Programme, die auf Start beladen heraus
Ever wondered why your PC takes eons to boot and makes gnarling noises while it does? It’s because of the unwanted programs that are loaded at the startup. Click on the “Start” Menu and select “Run”. Type MSCONFIG and you get a popup with various tabs on it. The extreme right tab marked “Startup” displays the various applications that are loaded when the PC boots. Most of these(like Yahoo Messenger & Winamp Agent) are unneeded and can be called upon to render service, if required, later. Carefully go through it and “uncheck” those programs that aren’t required.
3. Löschen Sie Zeitarbeiter Akten durch Laufen von der Scheibe Reinigung regelmäßig
Applications like Word and Adobe Acrobat create “temp files” in the “Temp” folder within the Windows directory. Over a period of time, these files tend to eat up valuable hard disk space and adversely affect the working of the “Swap file”.
While browsing the Internet, the web pages visited leave their footprints in the “Temporary Internet Files” folder. To retrieve lost space, run the “Disk Cleanup” option at least once a week. This option is found through Start>Programs>Accessories>System Tools. It deletes all the Temp files, Temp internet files and junk in the Recycle Bin. The “Disk Defragmenter”(ideally run once a month) removes gaps between applications on the HD and places the most commonly used applications at the beginning of the drive to make them start faster.
HD’s with a capacity of 10 GB or more can be split into 2 partitions and a swap file can be created on the Home Partition(where windows is installed). This acts as supplemental RAM and speeds up the working of applications considerably. To activate this, right click on the “My Computer” icon on the desktop, select “Properties”, “Performance” and “Virtual Memory” to change the settings there. A word of caution - tampering with this could lead to the PC behaving abnormally and at times even not booting properly. Do it only if you know how to “Undo” it later, if the need arises.
Adventurous geeks like me install software from free CDs that come with PC magazines. Problem is that some of these are developed by amateurs and may not install/uninstall properly. This leads to a lot of junk accumulating on the HD. Others simply delete software instead of uninstalling them. This creates “Orphan” entries and folders in the registry and the “Program Files” folder. Never delete software, Uninstall it from the Control Panel.
4. Installieren Sie eine gute Antivirus Software, um äußerliche Eindringlinge auszusieben
I was once at the receiving end of Nimda’s(a virus) fury and before I knew what hit me, my hard disk was wiped out. There are many good anti-virus software providers like Norton and Mc Afee who update their AV files regularly and are the most reliable in the market. Schedule the AV updation process to run in the night and I feel it’s better not to enable “Realtime” protection because this feature checks every byte transferred over the network and slows down the system performance.
5. Bauen Sie eine starke Wand, um weg neugierige Augen zu behalten
Installing a good firewall software helps in keeping out invaders from cyber space. There are many Adware/Spyware softwares that discreetly download into the PC while browsing and they transmit your personal information to spammers and other cyber criminals. Installing firewall software like Zone Alarm or Spysweeper blocks these spywares from wreaking mischief.
5. Aktualisieren Sie den Hardware Fahrer regelmäßig
Hardware manufacturers come out with upgrades and newer versions of hardware drivers from time to time. Microsoft provides a direct link to its website that automatically checks the current system config and suggests latest upgrades from its “Service Packs”. The best way to check if the hardware is in top gear is by using benchmarking software like “Sisoft Sandra”. There are sites like https://madonion.com that provide the latest driver files of major manufacturers for free download.
Folglich Spake TiC
The PC was developed with the intention of making life a lot easier for mankind. For all the benefits that it provides, it’s still a lifeless piece of machinery which is awesome when it works and catastrophic when it doesn’t. Having faced thousands of problems myself, I have arrived at the enlightening conclusion that there is only one solution to all PC related problems – chuck the damn contraption out of the window. At least that will reduce all problems to just one – that of not having the PC!
With a little bit of TLC, one can ensure that the PC remains a faithful friend for life. All it needs is for us to take some time off and pay attention to its “health & hygiene”, which isn’t asking too much. For proof, look no further than my PC which has been meekly accepting my punishments but continues to serve without demur.
My sincere thanks to David for providing dope for the review and to Rekha for her friendly health warning, “Too much of PC is bad for eyes”.