A man home, short of breath - sprawled in front of the sofa, half-dead from mumbai pollution, corruption, traffic evolution of the indian muddle-class(what with a new TV and news TV subscription), releasing his exhausted pipes and information overflow. That?s me.
A remote, clicked a button, and Thar She Blows? came the 9-oh-oh-noose - a variety from movie repeats and screen-savers posing as TV serial programs.
Undie-TV with a VIP Frenchies mentioned it sponsored this part of the event and out came a pair of suits covering one? a mail with a terse looking face to do me in with smiles, excel sheet graphs, bar graphs, images and a female to keep me interested long enough to ensure I was well informed of my country, its people, its events, its ooh ah ooh ah ooh. A pair of blue panties fluttered in the air to announce that is has come?(sorry arrived). I stood alert to see what came flying next? whooosh! lagey raho - Me turned the volume down.
I drove the kids out of the room as I felt this was beyond parental guidance. My mother sat through it all? on my head so I would not see any of the big bad world? asian obesity and all.
Yup? VAT bad times we live in, VAT proposed in 21 states, opposed in 25, not implemented in 8, done in with sales-tax, could not be implemented due to traders going on strike, a bike dealer informed me his 100 cc product now costs 3900 more.
A smooth shaven lungi clad gentleman informed me in chaste english this will not further inflation, and shah rukh went oye bubbly bubbly bubbly etc., sanjay dutt got all bamboozed and felt on his chest and other parts by 20 girls in 5 different songs with same images in various stages of undress, and 15 requests came to me on tv to quickly sms what I felt of the Dutt movie of which they showed nothing.
No one suggested Dutt?s modesty was being outraged? my simple metro city tuned senses said otherwise. Maybe I was not with the Times of India.
Even as I thought how Sunju Baba was being molested, when Jackson was having other babas, Shakti was laid low for proposing he return this favor to this media chidia. And now, this poor fellow is going to be felt all over by 1500 wannabe item numbers - hey media - how can you do this
A McDowell, Seagram and other ads went by proposing I drink their water and apple-juice, and Whisper pointed out how their blue stuff spread nicely on some white pads and I try them out. I wondered where this all fitted in and where, and my stomach turned, even before the rest of my torso. Yup? but I was man enough to take this noose.
I kept my dinner aside, not man enough to continue, guilty I dig my nose and adjust my b in public and also release gases to release abdominal pressure - a result to turning to healthy veg fad diets like pulsies, beans, channa, Raj-Maa.
An women’s group based on a survey explained my type were all Empty pee! sorry MCP and I will never do well in maths. Just when I contemplated I was total TP - Timepass.
Inquilab Zindabad?
Hey? the evening is still young, an excited newscaster educated me how 5 new avatars on bhagat singh and their impact on the boxed office.
It was reported kareena and shahid expressed love and romance to each other by holding hands, kissing each other and whispering sweet nothings.
I blushed? aghast, wondering what to do with this rakhee I had for my wife, standing astride her shoulders just as the manual suggested. 4500 miles of running in gardens, trees, rolling in the waves and we were still childless? but well informed.
Barred girls starred out and stared out, bared of their income. All well-clad for a day out on the roads, media channels clipped me views of Chandni Bare to keep me sufficiently titillated.
The camera rested on a rat-hole from which came out 20 people speaking of zulm done to them by local law-n-order. The channel congragulated itself how it was the first to get to me of what this family was undergoing in lakshya-gone-Bad. I was now breathless with this new input. The police denied this? I was prompted to give a choice of A or B to decide what I felt to 5555 or 7777 or 8888
Sidhu explained a punjab couplet why saurav cannot be in the team while he is a good captain but a lousy batsman. A viewer insisted that saurav is a good batsmen, and needs to be given time to be a better captain as well.
That is when I keeled over off the shoulder of my wife. My head knocked over? now awake with hands / legs in bandages in an ICU? watching myself on TV. Rajat Chabeela in Kaan-me-Pour chaste and blast Hindi loud voice explained to me of how the Indian male has burdened himself on women?s shoulders etc.
But by then, I was well informed and interactive enough to quickly buzz B, and C to 5555, and 6666 and ZZZZ when the feeling of deja-vu of 18 news channels came across to me with my life flashing over 18 * 2 days * 12 transmissions * 28 metros.
I rolled under the sofa where I found shakti hiding, shakti kapoor cheered me, we both tinkled our glasses, and we turned over for the morrow to write better reviews with betty botsom who bought some better butter to make the bitter butter better.
Shakti refused to believe I was trying to change the light bulb when I was?!?? and I lay enlightened and away from it all as shakti explained to me that even as he was removing her bra?s and undies, the channel editted the section where the audio mentioned? and if I ever see you preening around in my clothes ever?.
Anyways, waiting what u guys got to say after sitting through such news and such reviews - Me - I am floored without any Shakti after shattering so many keys.