Ever since I came to US, got my drivers license after mugging up the’California’s drivers manual’ at nights, clearing up the written test, and started to drive, I’ve been’missing’ India like anything. If only something could erase my memory of’no rules’ driving in India, it would have been much easier for me to drive here in US.
From all the years seeing people drive and driving myself in India, I’ve begun to believe that in India you just cannot go by the books and the rules. Watching People drive on roads wud drive you crazy. So, if you can’t convince them(to follow rules, which you cannot!), get convinced! and enjoy the’Joyride’ oops’Joydrive’! Find below what I learnt of driving in India. This might help you drive(better!?)
Learning types of drivers
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Bus drivers:
This class of drivers are very short tempered, extremely egoist and mostly sadist.
They wud never give you a pass. NEVER. Most of them drive their big buses as if they were a sports car!’Who gave them a drivers license?’ is one of those questions you yell out(loud enuf to burst your vocal chords.) and dont get any answers!
Remember, You NEVER take’Panga’ with them.
Truck Drivers:
Believe me, they are much more decent! After some honking and dippers, they let you pass. Only at nights, they turn into’dog killers’! Dont forget to read stuff written on the behind of their trucks. Most of the times it is amusing.
Romeos:
Alrite, being a girl, I had frequent encounters with this class of drivers. Their main aim is to stalk a female driver and speed up when they pass her.’zzzooomm’, and then slow down and wait for her, to do the same all over again. Never in my life cud I understand what pleasures they got out of it.
Wotever, Enjoy their company while you are on road’
Tractors:
These drivers always drive on the extreme right of the road in your direction. I wish somebody told them that they are move painfully slow and atleast on a highway they could pity on other drivers and drive left with the other slower traffic.!
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Traffic Signals
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Do’s
Jump the red signals, but check for’dhullas’(Cops).
Try to be the the first one to take the lead and cross an intersection when the signal turns green. As if it was some kind of a race and there was a first prize waiting for you somewhere ahead! You’ll enjoy and feel great about yrself!
Honk a lot, especially when the driver in front of you cant move.
Dont’s:
- Dont get caught!;-)
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Use of indicators is banned
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You wanna make a turn, do that. You dont need to tell the drivers around you, where you are going! If at all you want to use your’indicators’, turn on the indicator just as you make a turn! It’ll hardly be any use to the driver behind you.:) Dont ever use your indicators while changing lanes.
I have never seen anybody do that!
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A vent for your anger/frustration
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Whenever you fight with your boss/girlfriend/boyfriend/parents, make sure you go out and drive for sometime. No kidding here. Be it your fault or someone else’s, bicker and shout on anybody and everybody you come across. Tell them what a hell of mistake they’ve done, and that they are a bunch of idiots. Honk at people, tear their ear drums apart.You’ll feel better.
Well, this is the only reason I cud relate to, watching people do such things on the road.
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Speeding
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There are essentially no speed limits posted anywhere. It gives you a freedom to drive at your own’comfortable’ speed. So, turn your car into a formula 1 race car and zoooooomm. You can be the next winner of the grand prix. Involve yourself in’car races’ on the roads more frequently, esp with drivers u dont know!
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Speed breakers
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Should be renamed to’bone breakers’.
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Animals on roads
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These are the most exasperating form of’speed breakers’ on roads. Cowz love to rest in the middle of the road, dogs enjoy crossing roads when they shud not, or they run along with your car a few meters. Watch out for them.
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People Crossing roads
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Ever observed some women crossing the road? Sometimes I wonder, they actually stand on the roadside, waiting for a speeding car. and as soon as they see one coming, off they go crossing the road.Phew, they scare the hell out of me! Watch out for them too.
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Oops.!
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Even if after all the precaution, a dhulla catches hold of you, these tips might help you out of the situation:
Make as’bechara’ face as you possibly can. The guy might just let you go. It has worked for me!
Try to’settle’ things with him smartly. Negotiate to the minimum possible amount. Trust me, the last thing this guy would want to do is put a fine on you. He’s not interested! So, WHATEVER you give him, he’ll let you loose.!
If nothing works, don’t bother. Besides the monetary aspect of a’chalan’, it’ll will never effect your driving record and you could gear up your car for another adventure.!
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I love my India.!
Cheers,
Senorita
P.S: My’Behind the wheel’ test for the permanent license is due. Pray that I remember nothing of all this!