Come Friday and my sister hijacks the remote control. 9.30 pm and here we go again...
Let’s start at the very beginning. It’s a 3-year old story and for those of you good people who don’t count patience among your virtues, CEASE and DESIST and READ NO FURTHER.
Original Plot
Heena Nawab Mirza (Sobby Simone Singh), daughter of Nawab Mirza (Uff…uff..Parikshit Sahni) and Begum Shagufta (Batty Eyes Maya Alagh), is married to one Sameer (Whoopee-I’m-an-actor Rahul Bhatt) who announces on their wedding night that as he was forced to marry her (Heena), she is not supposed to expect everything to be hunky-dory in their life together. (So there goes all hope for a sane and sensible serial.) Why is Samir so ped off? Cause he ‘loves’ a shrew called Ruby aka Rubina Khan (Shrieky Rakhee Tandon) who as everyone knows (except Samir) is only in the market for the highest bidder. The same age-old crap about love being blind, only in this case its lost all its marbles too.
This saga went on with Sobby sobbing at every opportunity and wondering why on earth did she have to be the one saddled with an addled hubby. Shrieky went on rolling her eyes all around the screen while Gee-whiz-actor Rahul faithfully followed them. Uff uff and Batty Eyes spent all available screen time alternately sympathising with Sobby the daughter and giving the son-in-law a what-for every time he crossed their line of sight. Which thankfully was not very often. Are you all with me so far?
The Rakhee-and-Ravi-Tandon-think-TRPs-are-not-enough Plot
This starts somewhere in year 1.5 of the saga of Sobby. While Rakhee and Ravi were entertaining themselves with making a ‘socially relevant serial’ with a Muslim theme, Ekkkktaa Kkkkapoooor went and pipped them at the TRP ratings with 3 weepie-seepies – Kkkkksum, Kkkkutumbh, Kkkkkahanii Terrrriiii Merrrriiii (All were good in the beginning while no one was sobbing yet. What’s with everyone’s fascination for tears? Especially when all the heroines of all the serials on air currently are judged by their the lachrymal secretions?) All were full of more tears, tera, mera aur woh heroine ka bhi!!
Samir decides he has had enough of playing house with Heena and just says the ‘T’ word 3 times (I am cutting the drama short, or it will take me 3 years to narrate the plot and by that time MS may throw me out) and voila! Heena Begum is full of ‘gham’ and a divorcee now. Enter Samir’s childhood friend Akram (Vooden-who-improved-later Vaquar Sheikh) who till now has been peachy-preachy with Samir about not falling prey to the wiles of the wily vixen Ruby. Since Samir has done the dirty, Akram does the honourable thing and marries her (again, I am cutting the story short for my own sanity). (By this time, each of us shmucks in the living room – Papa, Amma, moi and Brat – are busy wondering what else can we watch on a Friday night? Papa and Amma decide to air all family matters while I curl up with a book – Brat loves Sobby and Gee-Whiz enough to stare at their mugs for the half hour.)
The We-got-into-this-mess-by-ourselves-now-how-do-we-get-out Plot
This is Circa 2.9 of the saga of Sobby. Shrewy Ruby decides if she can’t have Samir (coz he wised up to her after he let go of Sobby and she upped and married Akram) and his Papa’s mega-moolah, she will make Sobby cry till her eyes fall out and roll on the sets. Ruby does this by sweetly and nicely wooing Akram (the idiot got it coming) with sob stories of her own. Akram now does the dirty with Samir playing the good guy (repeat of Original Plot with reverse characterisations, focal point Sobby).
Of late, there are too many characters in this hysterical sob story of a woman who’s caught between a rock and a hard place.
Currently showing
Heena wants to bid adieu to Akram who was chakram enough to fall for Ruby and her crock and even married her after mouthing something about her being totally misunderstood! But Akram has this paranoia-tyrannism mix of a psyche – or let’s call it the ‘dog-in-the-manger’ attitude. He does not want Heena but he does not want to let go of her either! While they are now slugging it out in court (Time to introduce new characters who might keep the eyeballs that are by now engrossed in knitting baby booties or any other activity that might be remotely useful.), Akram goes ape-sh*t, ga-ga, nuts – call it what you want. The Tandons thought this might revive sagging interests? More like sent us all into hysterics coz it stretches Voody’s eyeballs…oops, acting abilities I meant. Then there’s the myriad assortment of new screamers and shriekers. (What’s with this fascination for characters that don’t know the meaning of a normal tone of voice if it smacked them up their heads?)
What I used to like
Showed some sensible things about a Muslim woman’s rights and privileges and that just saying the ‘T’ word 3 times does not a divorce make. Sobby was a pretty strong character when this serial started out and Gee-whiz was trying out his acting skills (they have improved, I must say) and Voody was hardly in the picture except for chastising his philandering friend. The rest of the ensemble cast was good, too.
What I don’t like
Its now degenerated into the same triangle-gone-awry soap that airs on a billion other channels every day of the week. Too many new characters that are unnecessary and are present only to prop up the flagging interests and TRPs. Sobby has gone from being strong and decisive to being vapid and whining. (With wide, wide eyes….Gee, I love those eyes!) Voody, who did not have much to do in the beginning came into his own with the middle part of this serial and like the legendary doughnut middles, is equally empty. The character was showing some potential when the head-honchos decided that he looked better when he was not being seriously devoted and by then, Sobby had stopped with the lachrymal production for some time. Since happy spells are not meant to last, either in life or in serials, we were force-fed the re-entry of Ruby. (More likely, Rakhi Tandon nee Vijan was missing playing her dumb-blonde routine in that other horror ‘Hum Paanch’ on Zee and she decided that rather than twiddle thumbs at home, she’d come on-screen in hubby’s production and display all 88 of her dazzling whites! UGH!) With Sudha Chandra as a freebie (in this and everything else, what a waste of a talent) vamp-mother, the plot’s gone for a toss.
Conclusion
I am now a speed-reader. I can also knit and crochet with the best of grannies.
Comments awaited.