After a long hiatus, I have written my new review, which is a conversation between a journalist(J) & a famous music video director, Mr. U.R. Chalu.(Chalu)
J: Mr. Chalu, how does it feel to be such a famous music video director?
Chalu: It feels very hot, when every girl with vital stats ‘36, 24, 36’ comes to you with the desire of becoming Shefali Zariwalla / Meghna Naidu.
When I used to make good family music videos, nobody used to watch them & the music albums were a big flop. But now, my sexy music videos are becoming successful day by day.
J: You have become the talk of the town, thanks to your vulgar videos.
Chalu: Don’t use the word ‘Vulgar’. My videos are a piece of ‘Art’ & hence, Aesthetic.
J: How can you call it Aesthetic?
Chalu: See, I have heavily borrowed the dance poses from the paintings of the Khajuraho temples & hence, it is Aesthetic.
J(With a? on his face): Why do you always need a bath tub with foam / waterfall as the location.
Chalu: See, I am promoting hygiene, body massage & cleanliness, as I feel each girl should have a bath tub, so that she gets maximum time to clean herself & keep herself BOOTIFUL. Also, the owners of Water park are very happy with me.
J: What’s BOOTIFUL?
Chalu: Sorry, Beautiful
J: OK, but why does the girl raise her legs, if she is in the bath tub?
Chalu: That indicates her dedication towards Physical fitness. By raising her legs, she is bathing & exercising at the same time. We are Fitness crazy people. Hence, we also want Macho boys, ala Salman Khan / John Abraham, who are ever ready to strip off their shirts.
J: How will they strip off shirts, when they don’t wear any?
Chalu: Yes, you are absolutely right. See, as our costume designer is below poverty line, he designs clothes for covering only the vital parts & hence, the artistes wear skimpy clothes.
Also, Amol Palekar said in Golmaal ‘Agar hum apne kapde 6 inch bhi chhote karle, to bache hue kapde se kitne logon ki vastra samasya hal hogi’.
J(Bugged up): But why do you show passionate body gyrating poses, with sexual doses? It looks as if the music video is a Kamasutra condom ad.
Chalu: Why don’t you understand? Just as salt & spice increase the relishing of food, similarly, sex is an indispensable ingredient for a Masala music video.
Always remember: Age no bar, but Sex Baar Baar.
J: All the dance sequences are Double – Meaning Dance Steps & indicate that the dancers are Sex starved. Also, scenes show that the artistes are trying to remove each other’s clothes.
Chalu: Who isn’t starved of Sex? See all our Hindi movies like Murder, Janasheen, Julie, Kamasutra. All this indicates the Poor Indian girl: How starved she is. Of course, the same holds true for the male too.
J: What are your future plans?
Chalu: I have recently got an offer for another remixed song. I will show a lot of Jhatka matkas & I guarantee this one will be a hit too. Needless to say, sex will be an essential ingredient.
J: How did such music videos help your crew members?
Chalu: Actually, we were all like a family, me, the girls & the crew. Even those who did not have a family, started a family, on the sets itself.
J: What benefits do the girls get after such music videos?
Chalu: The list of benefits is endless. The girls name it & they get it. Easy money, immediate film offers & cheap publicity are the benefits got by the girls, who perform in my videos.
Also, the tag of Item girl, comes as an additional advantage. My music videos are a big source of employment in our country to the young minds who want to make fast money in this competitive world.
J: Don’t you think your videos are responsible for the rise in sexual crimes?
Chalu: Certainly not. Instead our body gyrating poses are excellent therapeutic measures for Arthritis, Spondylitis, Diarrhoea & Constipation. We are thinking that Dance therapy can cure many joint ailments.
Our music videos are showing how to increase your sexual power through the passionate body poses. After all, our sponsors are Condom manufacturers.
J: It was nice talking to you but I feel your name is apt – U. R. Chalu
Chalu: Hey that’s a Rapchick idea. Why didn’t I think of using my name to name the forthcoming album as DJ Chalu.