SCENE 1 - PAREKH RESIDENCE
[The likes of Babuji, Praful, Hansa, Jayshri, Himanshu, Bhavesh Kumar, Mellisa, Raju, Parminder, and the two kids - Jackie and Chakki preparing to go to their interview in the show Fixers and Breakers, where they are self-invited.]
Babuji: Arre Praful, kahan reh gaya tha? Maine tujhe apna coat istri karne ke liye dene ko kaha tha, woh kahan hai?
Praful: Woh to main de aaya Babuji.
Babuji: Kisko de ke chala aaya?
Praful: Babujiii, aapne kya kaha tha... woh coat istri ke liye dena tha, to mujhe raaste mein ek istri (aurat) mili. Bechari bahut dukhi thi babuji. Uske paas mardon ke koi kapde nahin the. To us ’istri’ ko maine woh coat de diya.
Babuji: (angry) Aur mera chashma, jiska kaach theek karne ko diya tha woh?
Praful: Haan woh to main le aaya. Yeh dekhiye babuji!
Babuji: Arre yeh to bilkul waisa ka waisa hi hai, Praful gadhe.
Praful: Woh kya hua Babuji, us dukaan wale ne mujhe andar ghusne hi nahi diya. Mujhe dekh kar to woh apne pair par gaya aur is bhangaar chashme ke badle mujhe muft mein ek naya chashma de raha tha. Kisi tarah aapka chashma bacha kar laya hoon main Babuji, main!
Babuji: Arre Praful, tu to gadha hai gadha!
Jayshri: Arre Hansa bhabhi, tayyar hui ki nahin aap?
Hansa: Haan haan ekdum. Kal shyam ko mere Praful ne mere liye chor bazaar se ye superk sari la ke di thi, aur ye gajra to aaj subah 100 metre chal kar banye ki dukaan se utha laaye the.
Jayshri: O Himanshu! Kahan reh gaya tha tu?
Himanshu: Arre Jayshri-ben, main to abhi bazaar gaya tha kal ki baasi sabzi laane. Kal maine ek programme dekha tha jahan pe ek achchi sabzi banane ke liye usse ek din rakhna tha, to main baasi hi le aaya!!
Hansa: Aaah Praful yeh ’programme’ matlab?
Praful: Arre, programme Hansa. Jab tumhari gujarati mausi thode se kadi patte lene jaati hai to kya kehti hai?
Hansa: Woh kehti hai ki - ’’Eh dukaan wala. Mane ’paau-gram’ kadi patta aap to.’’ Paau-gram... programme... paau-... Achcha! Samajh gayi!
(Eh, shopkeeper, give me little {paau-gram in Gujarati} kadi patte)
Jayshri: Woh Bhukkad kahan gaya?
Bhavesh Kumar: (with four plates of food in his hand) Aap log apni baatein khatam karo, tab tak main apna khaana poora karta hoon.
Jayshri: O Bhavesh Kumar, tujhe ek roti bhi nahin doongi aaj se. Chal uth yahan se. Chalna nahi hai kya show pe?
Hansa: Arre yeh kya keh rahi hai tu Jayshri? Itni door show pe hum log chal ke jaayenge?
Jayshri: Nahi, Hansa bhabhi. Agar taxi wale ne humein bithaaya to taxi mein hi jaayenge.
Hansa: Achcha! Achcha!
Babuji: Arre chalo sab log, pehle se hi teen ghante late hai hum log. Us Parminder ko bathroom se nikalo. Kahin aisa na ho ki wapas aana par jasye. Chalo!
[Entire Parekh family leave for the show. Fortunately a new taxi driver agrees to take them, which he regrets later. After getting down at the studio, they fight for themselves not giving the money. The fed-up taxi driver runs away!]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 2 - OFF-SCREEN OF THE SETS
[The host of the show Shekhar Suman does not want to go to take interview of the Parekh family. The producer vehemently trying to convince him to do so.]
Shekhar: No, Sir! Plz! Spare me. I can make a fool of anyone in this world, but I have zero guts to tolerate the Parekh family sir, plz!
Producer: No yaar Shekhar. Please try to understand. We will get a lot of TRP only by the sheer presence of the Parekh family. Their antics are so popular that...
Shekhar: Tch! But why risk my life for TRP’s sake? Sir, only for you, I also interviewed Ekta Kapoor and her kool gang:
FiXeRs aNd bReAkErS - I
(https://mouthshut.com/review/Kya_Kool_Hai_Hum-75299-1.html)
But Parekh’s... No sir. This will be a bit too much!
Producer: No no Shekhar. Please! Go! Go... pushes him to the studio.
Don’t worry. All our prayers are with you. Best of luck!
Shekhar: (murmuring) Ab to main on-screen aa hi chuka hoon. Koi chaara nahi hai ab mere paas. Apne ko to shaheed karna hi hoga TRP’s ke liye!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE 3 - SHEKHAR INTERVIEWING PAREKH FAMILY
Shekhar: Aaiye! Aaiye! Bahut bahut swagat (nahi) hai aapka! Hello !
Hansa: Hello. How are? Khaana khake jaana ha...
Shekhar: Hmm.. ok. Anyways welcome to the show.
Hansa: Arre Praful yeh ’welcome’ matlab?
Praful: (pointing to Shekhar) Main hoon na! (to Hansa) Ah! Welcome Hansa. Jab kabhi doowhwala theek se doodh nahi deta to tumhari maa use kya kehti thi?
Hansa: Woh kehti thi - ’’Aaj ye doodhwala kam doodh kyun...’’ doodh wala kam... wala kam... welcome... Haan haan samajh gayi!
Praful: (to Shekhar) Dekha!
Shekhar: (bewildered) Haan haa. To aapne ’welcome’ ka yeh matlab nikala?
Hansa: Haan! Mere Praful ne English mein B’Com kiya hai!
Praful: (smiling) Main! Main!
Jayshri: Arre chhoro na shekhar bhai! Bas ab se Hansa bhabhi ke saamne angrezi mein baat mat karna.
Shekhar: Theek hai. To yeh bataaiyein ki is serial ne aapko kaise prabhavit kiya?
Jayshri: Arre yeh kaisa sawaal pooch raha hai ye humein? Isme aisi kaunsi baat hai jo prabhavit na kare? Ek Babuji hai jo hamesha khitpit karte rehte hai. Praful jo theek se kaam nahi karte, Hansa jo inki patni hai, Bhavesh (Bhukkad) Kumar hai, Himanshu and Raju hai. Parminder hai jisko bathroom se pyaar hai. Aur yeh do bachche hai bhagwaan!!
Hansa: Hehe, isse to kuch bhi nahin aata.
Babuji: Achcha to Shekhar ji yeh suit aapne kahan se khareeda?
Shekhar: Nahi... Yeh suit maine nahi... Yeh mujhe show walon ne diya hai.
Hansa: Iska matlab tumhare paas kuch bhi nahin hai. Cheh!
Shekhar: Nahi, woh baat nahi. Darasal...
Praful: Shekhar bhai! O Shekhar bhai! Main hoon na. Yeh boliye ki hum yahan par aaye to koi taqleef to nahin hui na aapko?
Himanshu: Arre kya baat kar rahe hai. Dikhta nahi kitne gumsum hai bichare. Main to kehta hoon ki inko hatakar hum ek duje ka interview le lete hai... Kisi ko pata nahi chalega.
Shekhar: Par main to...
~~==~~
Hansa: Hehe, aap log kya baithe hai. Comments section mein jaaiye na! Wahan bhi hai aur!!
~~==~~
Ÿ