The twin blasts at Liberty and Satyam happened half an hour ago. Delhi Police officials had reached the halls five minutes ago, and so had the TV news reporters, which now were running after anyone and everyone present in the vicinity, their footsteps crushing the splinters of glass on the ground to a fine powder.
On a corner of the Satyam Cinema Complex stood a short, frail, middle-aged Sardar, and as he was present in the vicinity too, so to make the statement in the last paragraph logically correct, a news reporter from NDTV India came to the Sardar, alongwith a circle of people you see forming in any news interview.
“Sardarji, kaun si picture lagi thi?” the lanky young reporter asked. The Sardarji, after scratching his head for a couple of moments, with an unexplainable vigour in his voice, replied “Jo Bole So Nihaal, Sat Sri Akal”.
ABOUT A MONTH LATER
I was browsing randomly around on my iTunes Library, setting the shuffle option on, I hit “Next” whenever I felt like. The Sify Night Unlimited Package I had bought with my pocket money, after giving me a thorough value for it, had expired the night ago. I had given all my entrances, eaten my breakfast, and watched my favorite scenes from the twelve movies I had downloaded. Three times over.
I picked up the phone to call my cablewala to renew the connection. Ring….. Ring…. Apparently, no one was there to pick up the phone, or there was something wrong with the phone line. I hung up, went back to the computer and started browsing my LAN.
Our LAN, as you may know, is nice. You could find anything from rare Mohammad Rafi MP3s to eBooks on Calculus, from CAT stuff (we have the IMS North Campus LAN connected to ours) to DVD-R versions of pondy videos. After browsing for about 15 minutes, I found “Jo Bole So Nihaal – The Movie” DVD-R. The download completed in an hour and a half.
Okay, enough of the novel type narration, In short, I just finished watching the 13th Movie in the last 7 days, and this is by far the best movie I’ve ever seen. This one certainly deserves a nomination in, if not an academy award and a place in IMDB’s list of top 250 movies of all times. What original storyline! What subtle humor! What ferocious villain! What a movie!
The wonderful movie starts with a pipe, in the same way The hitchhiker’s guide starts with a house, namely, It’s about to be bombed. The ferocious villain, very ingeniously named Romeo, disconnects the pipe, causing a tap to stop pouring water into a metal bucket. He then, puts a Combiflam tablet in the pipe, and mends it back, and when the tablet hits the metallic surface of the bucket, a blast tears everything apart.
Romeo is now in a church, confessing. “.. I masturbated eight billion times, and have no plans to stop masturbating in the future.” No, wait! That was The Simpsons! So, He confesses, kills the padre, and comes out of the church. Enter Punjab Police constable Nihaal Singh. What ensues is, 5 minutes of ingenious comedy, 10 minutes of violent chase, and Nihaal’s suspension and branding as a traitor.
Cut to NYC. When we learn that (Surprise, Surprise!) Romeo is an international nano-terrorist, he specializes in bomb blasts by small devices like Combiflam tablets and ICs you’re asked to identify in the CBSE Physics Practical Exams. He has this wonderfully well thought out way to penetrate the security circles, a ‘kabootar’ which carries the combiflam tablets and ICs. In NYC, he is Fikandar Faab, owner of an Indian Restaurant, and has a very cute girlfriend who, in addition to doing the business transactions for him, helping him bomb the targets, also helps him maintain an extra source of income by dancing in skimpy clothes in item numbers in the restaurant he’s the ‘maalik’ of.
FBI (Not the Ftate Bank of India) wants Romeo, so they call Nihaal to NYC to hunt for him, Will he succeed in nabbing Romeo? Will he succeed in dho-ing the kalank on his family’s name? Will he succeed in losing his virginity in the US of A? Well guys, his name is not Funny Diol for nothing! He will, and in style!
Some more of why you want to watch this movie
• A bebe who falls down everytime ‘Sadda Nihaal Puttar’ is in (ahem..) trouble.
• For the first time in the history of motion pictures, FBI, a government owned body wanting to kill the President Of The United States.
• A behen jo “Sa ko Sa” bolti hai, and a Janwaro ka doctor Jija jo “Fa ko Fa” bolte hain.
• Every Sardar Joke in the movie can be previewed at https://masalatime.com
• A very cute Suzanne aka Satinder Kaur, who owns a FBI special agent yellow skirt and matching tube top, never seen before (Both, the girl and the dress)
• A mafia don who dons the same cotton half-bajoo shirt, nikker, sunglasses, and Hat, throughout the movie, including, but not limited to a Sea Cruise (25 degree C), Bahamas (35 degree C), and NYC! (10 degree C)
• When the villain is unable to confess at a church, his girlfriend dresses a la-Halle Berry in Catwoman, and Hunter-marofies him.
Some Wonderfully well written dialogues which make the writer deserve a Pulitzer.
• Bandook ka license hai?
• Name, Nihaal Singh.
• Ab samajh me aaya ke amreeka itni tarakki kyon kar raha hai, yahan to baccha baccha angrezi bolta hai.
• Thank you jee.
• Too romeo nahi hai.
• No if, no but, only Jatt!
• Tujhe koi aur bank nahi mila?
• Kaife Ho Faale Fahab?
• Whoreji, kya haal hai?
• Mera Kabootar Beemar Hai.
• Aapne kabhi Hawa ko dekha hai? Lekin woh hai.
If you think I’ve given enough spoilers so you don’t need to watch the movie, you couldn’t be more mistaken. Fortunately for you, JBSN-TM is like the matrix, no one can be told what it is, you have to see it for yourself. Preferably take two or three blue pills.