Ahh...the joys of a pornographic, patriotic ’’family’’ movie. Our movie opens with a touching sequence of Rahul meeting his mother, Jaya Bachhan. Hit the fast forward button. (I can’t believe Jaya Bachan allowed them to cast her in a generic role like this. She was a hundred times better in Fiza.) Then we hear the dreadful secret...Rahul is adopted! The audience goes into paroxysms of surprise over this unique event! ....Say Shava Shava, yet another song that wishes it was Punjabi. Rahul rejects Rani Mukherjee and marries the lively Kajol. The family doesn’t approve of this and he moves to London. By now Rahul’s formerly obese kid brother Rohan is a muscular hottie (Hrithik Roshan, who was also a LOT better in Fiza). Rohan goes to London under the pretense of attending college. In fact he is trying to find his brother. He does( of course), and after gallons of tears everyone reunites and moves to India. Cry, cry, and you will succeed. The only scenes in this movie that weren’t copied from somewhere else were: 1) the pati parmeshwar scene at the end and 2)the nikaah. I liked the way they postioned the nikaah as negotiations were going on with Mukherjee’s father, making the point that at least Muslims have the final say over who they’re going to marry. On to the performances: Amitabh Bachhan gives us a good taste of his generic acting here. Nothing pops out at you. Same thing goes for Fareeda Jalal. Hrithik Roshan does a good job of displaying his emotions, but the plot is so hackneyed there isn’t much he can do to save it. Same thing goes for Jaya Bacchan, even in the last scene where she asserts her identity. Kareena Kapoor...should pose for Hugh Heffner. After watching this movie there must be plenty of men who can give her a good recommendation. I’m not wasting any more words on her. Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol are the only bright spots in this otherwise dreary movie. Shah Rukh is ordinary in the first half of the movie. He’s played ’’Rahul’’ in a million other movies. After he gets married, however, his interactions with the other characters are delightful to watch(except for the centuries-long sob sessions with his parents). Kajol probably rubbed off on him, because he becomes completely likeable. Kajol shines in this movie. Her acting is spontaneous and genuine, which is more than I can say for the others. Together the two of them sizzle and are a lot better than were did in DDLJ. The music: Suraj Hua Maddham is beautifully choreographed and the lyrics actually meant something. Yeh Ladki Hai Allah was ordinary (and the lyrics sound really familiar..wasn’t there another song like that?) Bole Chudiyan is overhyped, and so is Shava Shava. The title song is nauseating, as is most of the movie. Some facts that Karan Johar doesn’t know: 1) People go to college to do something called ’’studying’’. There are certain things called ’’books’’. There is also something called a ’’dress code’’. Of course there are trashy universities, but if that school was trashy then why did three generations of the Raichands go there? 2) There is no such thing as prom in college. Prom is the main event in your senior year of high school and is considered juvenile by college students. 3) He forgot to include the sticker Warning: this movie is hazardous to your intelligence