Ladies and Gentlemen and their ‘mummy mujhe chocolate chahiye’ kids, how about listening to a story, an avowedly true story of a man, his doting girlfriend and the bond between the two personified in their lustful want for a candy. Ah now does that sound like a genuinely melting moments narrative, umm lets see how it unfolds and what happens, well and most importantly what does the candy have to do with their pla’tonic’ relationship.
Story goes back to the prehistoric days when the only means of communication known was some gibberish mish-mash of uttering and muttering. During those ‘oh not so romantic, I don’t know how to say I love you’ days, lived a man nay a dreamer. He dreamt of a world where people could talk to each other, express their feelings and most of all say ‘ I love you’. Ahh what an unromantic thing, did someone say ‘excuse me, but how did Adam and Eve express their feelings to each other’ ahmm arghh “haven’t you read of the sinful apple and the not so writable things which they did after that”. Gosh lets not talk about it. The hero of our episode, like a true romantic, was eyeing someone for a long time, but like all eternal Romeos did not know how to express his feelings to his beloved.
He would wait endlessly long hours to catch a glimpse of his ladylove, did someone say ‘we all did it’, me says encore encore. The lady like is the wont of their species will not even bless the poor soul with a durlabh darshan, ah now that’s very unfair, don’t the ‘I am waiting in love’ souls agree? Ah but my intention is not to discourage anyone from trying ever so hopelessly to woo their Eve and Juliet and what have you. But folksies what it requires is some dash of bravado, creativity and most of all sheer willed determination. Now like a die hard Romeo he just wont budge and he was hell bent on opening his account by scoring that ‘ oh so hard to get‘ goal, I mean his Laila in this case.
A little short on the brain quotient that he was, like all romantics (I read it somewhere lost in love makes you lose your brain also), he decided to take the ‘ah mera Bharat Mahan’ route. What better way to woo her then to do tapasya to please the lords and ask for something co olio to patao his girl? He does his tapasya for long hours for many days, until one-day lord Shiva downloads himself to give him that elusive two minutes live and exclusive telecast rights. Ah what follows is the timeless Indian mythical saga ”I am appeased by your devotion, ask what you want my son”. Our dude all worked up, pumped up and god knows what all, scratches his head and every other thing he could lay his hands on, says ” lord you are omniscient, you know everything that I need, just do something to alleviate my plight.’’
Lord in his true Bollywood avatar as the Big B gives him some four options, take magic potion make her fall for you, a time machine where you can go anywhere you wish to go with her, transform yourself into a real macho man that she cant cast her eyes upon anyone or get so rich that the power of money wins her over for you. With so much to chose from our hunk got real confused and his head started spinning from here to there (sic). Generous God that Shiva is, he gives him two days time to think it out, after which he will have to make a wish. Our man was very happy to get the time to make up his mind, but now the deal was he could not consult anyone remember he and his species cant talk.
He could not sleep or concentrate on anything as the choices kept striking him down again and again. This was once in a lifetime chance and he did not want to do something to let it go, but he had no one to confide in or did not know how to make up his mind. Of the options, the rest sounded run of the mill to him, so he decided why not try the time machine thingy, it sounded hip and cool to him. At the end of two days, he again climbed the mountains and sat at the same place where he was sitting when God had come calling on him. God came, he asked for his wish and lo it was granted.
Our man and his ladylove got transported to our kaliyug from their dark stone ages. They were very confused and felt so out of place. The glitz and glare of modern world was something as alien to them as victory to the Indian cricket team. What to do, what not to do, it was in their deepest moment of anxiety that a good old ice- cream candy man came to their rescue.
He became friends with our dude (remember now he can talk!!) and offered him a cool Kwality Walls ice cream candy. Our man was very apprehensive and scared of this alien thing but yet he decided he would give it a try. He took the candy and went to the park, sat quietly on a chair and starting enjoying the delicacy, he liked it a lot. His ladylove standing next to him wasn’t amused to start with, but then all of a sudden something inexplicable started happening to her. He started feeling a strong urge for the man with the candy; our man seeing this sudden change was thanking Shivji for his bounties. The lady was feeling a strange uncontrollable desire for the candy or the man, who knows. She made some gestures to our hero, he knew he was the man in demand, and he started behaving pricey.
The lady decided enough was enough, she jumped into his lap and started biting hungrily into the candy, boy temperatures rise and ice cream melts. Whoa our man was on top of the world, he had found his ladylove, not because of his tapasya or his determination or anything else, but because of a very god forsaken thing like an ice cream. Background jingle plays: -
You could be a dude or just a lame duck
To woo your babe you need some luck
Gift her bounties or gift her a flower you pluck
But she wont be yours until you give her a
Kwality thing to suck!
Punch line that punches you in the face bite karo madhosh ho jao, madhoshi ka naya formula, Kwality Walls
Claps clap claps, our hero gets his babe and they lived happily ever after.
Moral of the story Always have a Kwality Walls ice cream to help you out and bail you out from tough corners.