The fight with my husband had started because of an insignificant hairpin. I had misplaced the wretched thing and thus was unable to put my hair in place resulting in a delay to get to my hubby’s boss’ anniversary bash. The fight snowballed into a major battle, the gory details of which I will not mention. But it ended with my hubby remarking in a huff, “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.”
His remark led me to my bookshelf where the famous book by the same name has been adorning the top shelf since time immemorial without me bothering to even glance at it. That day I decided to really find out what it is that makes these two sexes so different from each other. And believe me after reading the book, I did find out a lot.
The author, John Gray, is a counsellor and encounters hundreds of couples in his professional life who come to him with all sorts of marital problems. This vast experience coupled with how he solves his own differences with his wife has made him the best person to write this book. Of course, it is not a great work of art (in terms of usage of language, idioms, phrases) nor does it pretend to be one. The book is meant to give the spouses an insight into each other’s mannerisms and behaviours in order to help them understand each other better and it does just that.
The book begins thus:
“Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. The love between the Venusians and the Martians was magical. They delighted in being together, doing things together and sharing together. Though from different worlds, they reveled in their differences. They spent months learning about each other, exploring and appreciating their different needs, preferences, and behaviour patterns. For years they lived together in love and harmony. Then they decided to fly to Earth. In the beginning everything was wonderful and beautiful. But the effects of the Earth’s atmosphere took hold, and one morning everyone woke up with a particular kind of amnesia-selective amnesia. Both Martians and Venusians forgot they were from different planets and were supposed to be different. In one morning everything they had learned about the differences was erased from their memory. And since that day men and women have been in conflict.”
This is a perfect depiction of the various stages of a couple’s life. During love and courtship, they are busy trying to impress each other and they turn a blind eye to each other’s faults. But after marriage, the same faults seem to be unbearable and bitter quarrels and fights become the order of the day. Love flies out of the window only to be replaced by anger and resentment. Some couples pull back from this whirlpool but most modern couples often succumb to the pressures and separate.
Men are from…. is a modern Bible for all these couples. If they can patiently sit through the book they will gain an invaluable insight into how their partners function.
Gray discusses the common problems of every household and illustrates them with common examples to help us understand better.
Each of us needs his or her private space. Men try to withdraw into a cave, that is, he goes back to his friends, games and basically tries to recapture his bachelorhood days. But women wrongly take this a sign that he does not love her anymore.
“When a man is stuck in his cave, he is powerless to give his partner the quality attention she deserves. It is hard for her to be accepting of him at these times because she doesn’t know how stressed he is. He doesn’t talk about his problems, and she feels he is ignoring her. She can tell he is upset but mistakenly assumes he doesn’t care about her because he isn’t talking to her.”
The common complaint of women is that men don’t listen to them Gray has beautifully tackled this problem too. In fact his approach to each problem is simple yet unique. No matter what country what race, everybody will be able to relate to the solutions offered.
The pick of the book is the chapter on Speaking Different Languages. Without understanding what our partners really mean, we jump to the wrong conclusions and that spoils the domestic harmony.
“When misunderstandings arise, remember that we speak different languages; take the time necessary to translate what your partner really means or wants to say. This definitely takes practice, but it is well worth it.”
John Gray ends this relationship guide with a simple note:
“You have a lot to look forward to. May you continue to grow in love and light. Thank you for letting me make a difference in your life.”
Well, the pleasure is all ours John. Thank you for making the difference in our lives.