What bothers me about Karan Johar is not that he makes escapist, unrealistic cinema with huge (read HUGE) sets but because these movies, which I can only say are regressive at best, are blockbusters, make a lot of money AND win loads of awards. This man works mostly only with established stars, uses only tried and tested formulas for the plot and manages to usually have a good soundtrack in his films. Neither does he experiment with different types of stories nor does he experiment (at least) with different actors.
His illustrious (?) career got off to a running start when he worked as the Assistant Director for Aditya Chopra’s Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge. Then he went on to rope in the same stars SRK and Kajol for his first directorial venture, Kuch Kuch Hota Hain (Something something happens!). Now this movie did the groundwork for laying down the foundation for many other similar films, all of which are SRK-centered, passed off regressive 18th century values as ‘sanskriti’ and ‘parampara’ and in general insulted the audiences’ intelligence.
Let me give you a few insights about KJ’s mindset and thinking patterns by going through some of his movies.
Kuch Kuch Hota Hain
What is love? What is friendship? Don’t you know? They’re one and the SAME. Dosti is Pyar and Pyar is Dosti and these two together form Zindagi. Do you want to lead a good life (Zindagi)? Follow this.
Join a college and make friends with the most tomboy-ish girl you can find on campus.
Use the tomboy in a variety of ways by branding it friendship (dosti).
Manage to stay ignorant of the tomboy’s feelings even if they come and bite you in the face (or other miscellaneous body parts).
Fall in love (pyar) with the hippest, most glamorous chick in the college.
Marry the glam chick, enjoy married life and have a daughter at whose time of birth, glam chick dies.
Bring the daughter up to be a brat for eight years.
Follow your dead wife’s and your not-old-enough-to-tie-her-shoelaces daughter’s advice and go in search of the tomboy after eight years, SUDDENLY realizing that ‘dosti is pyar’ and that what you feel towards tomboy (dosti) is love (pyar).
Incidentally, tomboy is about to get married to a guy who apparently loves (pyar) her very much.
Go to all the marriage functions and mope, shamelessly cry and shed tears along with your kid, in front of other guests who are strangers to you, thus changing the tom boy’s heart and ruining the marriage.
Now marry and take home the tomboy, who will now make a great babysitter, nanny and mommy for your bratty kid.
Don’t you feel heroic now after having lead such a great complete Zindagi, with both dosti AND pyar?
*No? If you have any problems with the happenings above, get this.
“How shallow are you?
And how narrow is your mindset not to understand universal concepts like ‘dosti’, ‘pyar’ and ‘Zindagi’?
Are you a human being or a monkey masquerading as one?
Are you not civilized?*
Don’t you have a normal, fist-sized, beating, and blood-pumping heart?”
Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham
Don’t you want to understand the profound concepts of brotherly/fatherly/motherly/sisterly love and family ties?
Aren’t you curious to know what our ‘sanskriti’ and ‘parampara’ (tradition and values) really mean?
Don’t you want to see a live demonstration of re-uniting family members?
Aren’t you dying to see a mother’s pangs of longing for her long lost son?
Aren’t you dying to see a brother’s pangs of longing for his long lost brother?
Aren’t you dying to see a father’s impassive face that unsuccessfully hides the pangs of longing he feels for his long lost son?
Wouldn’t you simply love to know the latest cool talk like “Take a chill pill?”
You could have only answered the above questions in two different ways. Yes or No.
If yes
I’m glad you chose the correct path. Please go and watch the movie. I sincerely hope that you learn a thing or two about family values, affection et al.
If no:
*WHAT? How insensitive of you!
Don’t you possess a heart?
Do you really have hot red blood running in your useless veins?
How disrespectful towards our sanskriti and parampara not to love your parents and other miscellaneous family members?
How dare you not like KJ’s ideas about family ties?*
Kal Ho Na Ho – Tomorrow might or might not be there
This was produced by KJ and directed by Nikhil Advani but in certain aspects it still carries KJ’s signature style.
A dying man does not watch old Hindi movies such as Anand, so remains unaware of how to behave in one’s dying days.
A dying man would not want to spend his remaining days peacefully but would choose to make everyone’s life (and problems) his own.
Since no rules of morality apply to dying men, he secretly reads personal mail and such, of the object of his interest (of course for the object’s own good!).
A dying man (innocently of course) shares his warm bed with other poor, cold and needy men thus demonstrating a certain unity among all of humanity.
Dying man would set up the original object of interest with the poor needy man with whom he (innocently of course) shared his bed.
Now that everyone living in the locality of Queens is at peace (since the dying man lived in NY city, the choice of locality was limited to Bronx, Queens Etc.) dying man can now go on to become a dead man.
If you have any problems with the happenings above, one question to you.
“How dare you disrespect a dying man’s last wishes to play with and screw up others’ lives while there still is a chance?”
*Kaal – Time
This again was only produced by KJ but not directed by him but in certain aspects it still carries KJ’s signature senselessnes.
Are you an animal lover?
Do you care about forests and wildlife conservation?
Do you love the animals enough to be willing to risk bug bites and snake bites and raccoon bites by going to the woods dressed in skimpy clothes?
Are you daring enough to rendezvous in the forest in an open jeep knowing fully well that there are tigers and lions and elephants in the forest?
Are you ready to demonstrate your love for animals and wildlife by not paying heed to the umpteen warnings that you receive from the forest officer?
Do you have preferred phrases to express to friends whenever you are uncomfortable, such as “cut the crap?”
While touring the forest, are you daring enough to approach a tiger in the night armed with no weapons for self-defense AND carrying a camera with a powerful flashlight?
If you answered ‘Yes’ you are ready to take a trip to the Orbit National Park in an open jeep.
If you answered ‘No.’
*You cowardly nincompoop!
Do you have no love for wildlife and no respect for forests?
Are you too scared to approach (armed with no weapons for self defense) a poor, harmless, man-eating tiger in the dark of the night?
Do you not have choice phrases like “take a chill pill” or “cut the crap” that you would like to say often? I pity you.*