Okay, since everyone else has already done this, it’s high time you all read my list and moan too – in empathy or in outrage, that’s up to you. Without a too long build-up, here’s my list of 10 of the yuck-iest things on God’s good earth(strictly my opinion only). In no particular order.
1. Chana Dal
Sometimes, my mother has a small fit of delusions. She thinks Chana dal [a.k.a. Bengal Gram, I think], curried or otherwise can be as good on the tongue as it’s more palatable cousin, the Kabuli Chana(chick peas). Unfortunately, I have tried my damned-est and given up – trying to convince her of this disaster of manageable proportions. Don’t like ‘em, don’t wanna see them on my plate. Not even if they slyly try to sneak in via the company of tender, grated coconuts and some unidentifiable green veggies. Tastes like(what else!) Chana, only soggier(sorrier).
2. Lauki/Doodhi
This one is called some kind of a ‘gourd’ though for the life of me I couldn’t tell you which one! Pale green at the best of times, after a round in boiling water, its reached the end of its eat-appeal. No thanks! Heard the juice does wonders for heart-patients and diabetics – I’d take my chances elsewhere. On second thoughts, I’d rather die eating chocolates. What a way to go! I don’t think it has any particular taste by itself – never tried chewing it long enough to find any, that is.
3. Tendli
Small, oblong, green things with(sometimes) red or white seeds inside. In my home, these are cooked with grated coconut. Oh it gives me the shudders to think of eating this one. Doesn’t have a taste of its own. That is enough to push it on to my hate list. Oh and I don’t know if its limited to the great Maratha nation or if its found in some other unfortunate parts of the country or the world as well.
4. Beetroot
Note: My mom makes one helluva punchy beet pickle and that’s the best thing to happen to this horrendous, bland vegetable(root?).
Otherwise, I don’t want to see any pieces of fierce red sitting around on my plate. The taste is as dull as its colour is vivid.
5. Beef/any red meat
Can’t believe there was a time when daddy dearest influenced me enough to like this dish. Growing up had other ideas though. Now I can’t stand this thing and anyway, red meat is bad for humans other than macho hunters who point rifles at poor Bambi-like creatures(and the latter variety are themselves being pointed at by one Menaka Gandhi). Taste-wise, it’s a pleasure especially if made with enough red chilli powder to send all those gastrically-challenged people to the nearest john/head/loo. Kidding. Meat in my home has always(ok, mostly) followed my mother’s whims, but I got no complaints with the others. So I know she is a good cook(and hopefully, the genes work here too…ahem).
It wasn’t a subscription to populist opinions that made me give up red meat. Just developed a dislike to it ever since I started picturing where it came from. Chicken is another matter though. They are on this earth for the various risqué-sounding parts of their anatomy and they even have the vacuous look to support it. Dumb chicks, indeed!
6. Shell fish/ Assorted Crustaceans
I have always had this phobia of such critters crawling off the plate and into my lap!(Remember the scene from Hot Shots – 2 when the US Prez sees a squirming shrimp on his dinner plate and throws up on the South-Asian VIP sitting next to him?) I have a similar reaction – I would scream the house down. Well, that’s me, I guess! Sorry to offend those who love these creepy-crawlies. Like I said in one of my comments, my friends can swear all they want about the lovely taste; I couldn’t be bribed or threatened or cajoled or….whatever… to try something that rightfully belongs at the bottom of whatever water-body it came from. Ditto those clams. Well, maybe I could be tricked into trying it if I don’t see the meat in its original package? Anyone care to pick out the meat for me, please?(sigh) Don’t bother.
Fish again, is a different matter; I like some of them, especially when they are fried to black. And to me, PRAWNS ARE NOT CRUSTACEANS.(Ok, stop smirking all of you).
7. Unripe Bananas
I like the fruit version(that too, when I am forced to ingest it); the vegetable is a definite no-no. Unfortunately, South India does have a recipe for green, unripe bananas! And since my mom is definitely a South Indian, she insists on this green folly ever so often. The preparation itself is a mess. The unripe bananas have to be peeled with a knife and often they leave a sticky sap/residue on your hands and no amount of soap and water can get it off. Mom recommends coconut oil though. Rub it in, leave on for a few minutes and wash with warm water and soap.
8. Sevaiyyan(A sweet dish made of milk and Semolina)
I know, I am going to the maximum number of brickbats for this one. For someone who has a very volubly publicised sweet tooth, putting this delicacy on the hate-list is akin to a declaration of insanity(please get me a padded cell in Agra!). Can’t help it though. Mom made this stuff all through my childhood and while childhood overall was a joyous experience apart from perennially bleeding and oozing limbs, eating Sevaiyyan wouldn’t even come close to being described as a pleasure. Don’t exactly know why I hate it, I just do.
9. Peas
I can imagine what Durian smells like ‘cause I have the horrid smell of cooking peas to compare it to. Little round, green thingies…so lovely to look at and so horrid to eat. Absolutely disgusting taste and don’t tell me that peas don’t have a taste. Try chewing them long enough and you’ll recognise something you’ll wish you didn’t have in your mouth. Enough said.
And last but definitely not the least:
10. Grated Coconut/Coconut based curries/ Coconut garnished dishes/ Coconut Laddoos
Ok, ok, let me explain. I have had an abundance of coconut bases and garnishing in all my life and it’s become so unbearable that of the last 4 or more years, I politely decline such food(when in polite company) and downright refuse to touch the(appropriately epithet-ised) d#$%@# coconut-garnished sabzi. My mom always has a couple of things to say to that, which is not to be repeated in public. My dad smirks and tries to cover his laugh with some make-believe coughs. If there’s nothing else edible, I have to force this atrocity down my gullet and then sulk in silence. Nowadays, I have become a little smarter. I eat Maggi Noodles at 12.00 in the night.(Don’t anyone dare laugh now! You don’t know hunger pangs can give you insomnia.)
Tender coconuts are fine. The water is sweet and very refreshing and so is the creamy, white coconut flesh. That’s about the extent of the coconut invasion allowed in my life now. Oh yeah, I forgot – coconut oil sessions on weekends.
For the record, I would be very happy with anything in the veggie category on most given days - even those mentioned above as long as they don’t taste yuckky. After all, no experimentation, no happiness, right?
*Just promise me -’NO COCONUTS’ - grated or otherwise.*