The scene: It’s a Friday night before the long weekend. My better half (BH) and I, after a lovely dinner, have decided to round the night off by watching a Hindi movie. The choices are No Entry, My Wife’s Murder and Paheli. BH has summarily dismissed Paheli and is all for No Entry. I did read all the MSian recommendations (apologies all, for not keeping faith) of No Entry but with years of hatred of David Dhawan type movies jogging my memory, twist his arm and sweet-talk him into watching MWF (plus, it’s my turn to choose a movie, so all odds in my favor yay!).
Anyways, half an hour into the movie, BH turns and gives me a fulminating glare.
’’It will get better’’, I hiss at him.
About another half hour later I turn to catch him looking at me with actual murder in his eyes. I decide to sneak another look in case I was mistaken about the emotion involved. Yup, it’s murder all right!! Help! I ignore him, but a couple of minutes later, taking pity, I turn to him to say that we can stop watching if he wants. I’m greeted by a little snore.
Thank God! He’s fallen asleep, atleast now I can tell him the movie was awesome and had a great climax!! Maybe, I’ll just scoot over a little bit though, in case I fall asleep and wake him up by falling on him!!!
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Could someone please tell me what this movie was supposed to be. Is it a thriller, horror, mystery or maybe just a warning to people NOT to murder their wives. But I hope that the aam junta atleast knows that little tidbit of information. So, what was the point of this movie? If it was a warning it fell flat on it’s face, since the protagonist gets off scot free. So maybe it’s a movie on how to murder your wife then become an actor as convincing as Anil Kapoor with his dukhbhare dialogues ’’Mujhse galti ho gayi. Mein tum dono ke paas rehna chahta hoon boohoohoo!’’ (This is to his children, for people who didnt watch it). Anyways, below is a complete plot summary, beware it contains spoilers so anyone who still wants to watch this movie might not want to read on.
The story starts with Anil Kapoor, aka Mr. Lamebrain, in my review (since he so aptly embodies the definition of the word) who is a film editor with an assistant Nandana Sen (Ms. Lamebrain, for want of a better word). Now, Mr. Lamebrain has a nagging wife (Suchitra K.), who nags, nags him all the time since she thinks he’s having an affair with Ms. Lamebrain. Mr. L’s wife does have some brains since she realises he’s so stupid that she needs to nag him to get anything done. Anyway, one day the nagging goes too far and Mr. Lame-oh in a charming attempt at a tete-a-tete with his wife decides his fists need to do the talking and hits her. Her head accidently hits the bed frame (or something) and she pops off. So far, so good. This in the first 10-15 minutes of the movie. Mr. Lamebrain after crying a bit, looking around helplessly a bit decides he cant call the cops so he cleans up the place, stuffs his wife into an Onida dabba (now I did say wifey was clever, she’s so clever she’s managed to fend off rigor mortis too), then calls Ms. Lamebrain for her car and proceeds to drive to a convenient nearby jungle where he disposes off the body. Now, since I was bored we come to a quick resolution to this part of the story otherwise it draaaags endlessly for half an hour with him being almost detected by a couple of neighbors, his kids, his bai etc. To everyone who asks he tells that little wifey has gone off to Shirdi with her parents.
Lo and behold! when wifey’s parents hear of this and she hasnt turned up they get really worried and lodge a police complaint. Of course, a body turns up in the wonderfully accomodating jungle and Mr. L and FIL identify it as wifey’s. Enter detective, Lamebrain Cop, played by Boman Irani. Oh btw, Lamebrain Cop has his own little nagging wife at home. Lamebrain Cop’s favorite passtime is to write his theories involving a case on a piece of paper, compare it with the post-mortem reports and give himself marks. He gets a 10/10 in the case and so he’s convinced Mr. Lamebrain had something to do with little wifey’s death. So, he sweetly calls up Mr. Lamebrain and tells him that Ms. Lamebrain’s car was spotted in the jungle on that particular day. Mr. Lamebrain in a heroic attempt to NOT incriminate Ms. L reveals all to her so that she can(not) be implicated further and urges her to tell all to Lamebrain Cop (LC). Ms. Lamebrain, who I thought couldnt get any lamer, now comes up with the lamest plan (since she is convinced of Mr. L’s innocence). She says that she was in the jungle recording night sounds. She then urges Mr. Lamebrain to flee the city. But, Ms. L of course, being a lame brain, confesses all to her jealous boyfriend who suspects her of having feelings for Mr. L. Boyfriend gets incensed with her and after calling her a couple of names (idiot, for instance, which I thought too good for her) calls LC and tells him all. Ms. Lamebrain gets angry and decides she needs to add assault to her list of gunaah’s and hits boyfriend on the side of the head with a frying pan, but being the sad thing that she is gets caught by the cops while trying to escape. She then tells the cops where Mr. L is headed and there’s some endless chase sequences where the cops chase after Mr. Lamebrain. Mr. Lamebrain proving the aptness of his name, goes on the lam with his two kids. So of course, there’s some rona-dhona at the end, cops shooting at kids, Mr. L shouting and he’s ultimately caught. But, that’s not the end. In a voice-over we are told that the judge didnt have enough evidence to prove pre-meditated murder so Mr. L gets off scot free and goes to live with his kids and Ms. L and boyfriend too get together and everyone lives happily ever after.
Whew! what a story (or no-story)! My main grouse is that’s what exactly happens, which is nothing. Atleast if it had turned into a slasher fest with Anil K. having to kill all witnesses it would have been more enjoyable, but I was denied even that little bit of pleasure. The situations he puts himself in are ludicrous. And whatever, happened to good old conversation. Here, everyone seems to get physically violent the moment any conflict occurs. Anil K. with his wife, Nandana Sen and boyfriend with each other. And what’s with the women being portrayed as either nagging bitches or brainless twits. Anil Kapoor’s acting is so laid-back and lifeless (he’s like Mr. Cellophane in Chicago) that Nandana Sen and Suchitra K. steal all the scenes they share together. Boman Irani is pretty good as the cop caricature but otherwise this movie doesnt have any redeeming qualities. Some of the scenes are downright creepy, imagine a child entering the room and looking around after his father has hidden his mother’s body somewhere in there. This scene was added to introduce a feeling of suspense but I felt it was in poor taste. And why call it ’My Wife’s Murder’, if in the end you prove that he didnt murder his wife at all? Atleast the ’Galti Se’ title would have been a little bit better suited for the movie. Anyway, this movie spoiled a lovely Friday evening for me, so I hope this review is a warning to anyone else even a little bit tempted to watch it..