Rajdhani Express

Do you know who the largest employer in the whole world is? Well, surprise! It is the Indian Railways, with a workforce of 1400000, ferrying millions a day across the nation, operating more than a thousand trains. Not just Employer Granddad, but also the world’s 2nd largest rail network(after Russia).

Our Railways may not be the fastest, ‘hi-tech’est, cleanest or ever in the league of the Royal Scottsman, but nevertheless (unavoidable delays & now-diminishing accidents notwithstanding), are a symbol of the Common Man (uh, Santosh?!) - chugging along, overloaded, frugally maintained, but delivering what it is called upon to, always.

Enough cyberspace has been taken, by views pro and anti the Indian Railways, from genesis to future. The thrust of this review is the genre of its ‘Star Kalaakar’, taken for granted by those who frequent it and looked up to, by those who haven’t, ..yet! Thinking “Palace on Wheels’? Well, no!

The subject is not the destination of the opulent Indian or the elite foreigner, but the choice of the discerning traveller – the Rajdhani Express.

Commenced as an elite train for the elite gentry desirous of train-setting from Capital to Capital, with the only caveat that one be the National and the other, a State, Rajdhani Express has come a long way. From being a niche vehicle of the upper middle and higher classes, it now carries even the humble clerk travelling with family on LTC. With air fares moving South, the Rajdhanis have certainly taken a beating. But the increase in volume (due to lowering of strata of the traveller) offsets losses in margins.

Well, to guide the uninitiated, “What is Rajdhani Express all about”? It is a genre of fully AC trains connecting Delhi to the State Capitals, with cost of meals included in the cost of the ticket. This frees you of the chore of hunting for a meal, staying alert for the next big station, or dependence on the availability or otherwise of a decent pantry – both of which could be nightmarish if you are

(a) travelling with children

(b) the type to hit the sack with/sans a book the moment the train hoots

(c) in my category, straddling (b) above with writing reviews en route

Travel can be by 3 classes: 3 or 2 - tier sleeper, or, AC coupe, in increasing order of cost, comfort and opulence, with the top class subjecting you to ultimate king-size pamper in the confines of a luxurious coupe (also burning a king-sized hole in your pocket)! Bedding is provided, consisting of a blanket (dry cleaned monthly!), 2 clean white sheets, a hand towel & a pillow. Also provided is mineral water, at the minimum rate of a litre a day. Why I state such trivia is so that you can act as Messiah for the whole compartment, in case you happen to be in a train where the contract for the above has gone to a penny-pincher.

Now, a word on Comfort. {My judgement is solely based on rich experience on M’bai & T’drum routes & less, to K’kata and B’lore. So, any generalisation bordering on fiction may be condoned}. My firm belief is that the comfort of the Rajdhani is directly proportional to a combination of the power wielded in Delhi by the State politicos and the glamour-cum-opulence quotient of the State Capital. So be prepared to accept that the best trains would ply to Mumbai and the worst to the Southernmost Capital {simbly cos the Mallu politician wont tok in Parlimend, as he does note no any common langueyj!}. This is contrary to basic common sense, which would dictate the best facilities on the longest journey (48 vs 15), also costing the maximum; langueyj or no langueyj! (Yes, Santosh?}

I shall only describe the worst, so you can be glad when you see better! The floors are clean and regularly mopped with disinfectant, the wagons creak a little from age, vibrations and noise are negligible, the oft-erratic door closers may wake you from slumber fearing an explosion, the berths are alright, though the side ones are narrow (if you are fatter than Mr Bean) and half-up-half-down, giving you the rare experience of sleeping up-down on a staircase (nothing new if you have been in hostels), the plug points may look new but not work and the bathrooms (dry/clean/wet/stinking, with phases of the moon) are definitely a “Stay Off’, provided you are well endowed and elephantine down below (kidneys, perverts!!).

Now the most special part - Food ! Unlike what MagS says, there is only black or white in life here, no Grey! Its Veg or its Non-Veg, thank you! Soups are always veg, accompanied by 2 thoroughly entertaining soup sticks and a bit of butter (of Amul – that’s for you, Adi!). It’s only today that I discovered, (on befriending the waiter) that you CAN order Continental, which is a welcome change after several of those oily-gravily-chickenly dishes. And the noodle-bread-chicken-pasta fare is quite decent. They give you steel cutlery and this cuisine is generally served first, cos hardly anyone asks for it, out of sheer ignorance of its existence (like me, till today!). So keep it for those hungry meals, which anyway is a ‘Wont Happen’, thanks to a steady, sleep-depriving procession of ‘tea-breakfast-tea-juice-soup-lunch-ice cream-tea-juice-soup-dinner-ice cream-anything else sir?’! If that list had you sighing, wait till you are at the receiving end (literally).

Though illegal, the poor waiter (with saunf en route Mumbai and sans, elsewhere) will, at the end of the trip, stand before you with that perfect smile, scratching his head or an imaginary sideburn! Bless the poor soul, he’s up at 5 and works with a smile upto 11 at night, before he gets to his meal. But since blessings don’t feed families, I suggest you dip into that pocket (yours, of cos!) for a decent denomination of Gandhi (Mahatma, not madame, excuse moi!).

Comfort: 7-9 (depends on how ’they’ tok, u noe!

So folks, that’s the long and short of a journey on Capital Express (anglicised so that Reddy doesn’t accuse me of Hindi-isation despite Mallu base)

As for the Title - lol- Wonder what bashing is planned by Mohan-of-Sania-Mirza-fame!:)

Enjoy the ride, kabhi tho! You will love it, Its sooo Indian, you noe?! I simbly am in lauv with it yaa!

"Mein tho kar liya...aap logon ne kiya kya"

So the question remains: Kia or NOKIA!!

Tho saaab/ madam…(scratchy-sideburns-a-la-the-waiter!)…any comments?

ciao

Shyam