The’Ek aankh maaroon’ remix had just blasted on TV, and I lay in stupor. Of all the songs, they had to remix this? I thought. And it’s called the’ aye Bankas’ remix? Why?
The original song in question, if I remember correctly, was sung by good ol’ Jeetu bhaiyya, probably dressed up in all-white. Those were the days when you thought it couldn’t get worse than that. You were wrong. He then inflicted Ekta Kapoor upon us, and life was never the same again. And to think you don’t even see her on screen. [Sigh] How you wish you were in a bunker without TV.
Anyways(sob), there’s a job to do: write this review, namely. First questions first:
Why Bankas?
Ans: There’s this theory(unconfirmed) that the guy in the video was actually present in Baghdad during the bombardment of the city .The trauma was a bit too much to handle, and the chap ended up screaming’aye bunkers’ every time he saw a good looking member of the opposite sex, before rushing off to the nearest bunker.
What’s a remix?
Ans: Plain theft. Namely, if all the remix composers(and Bally Sagoo), intruded into your house and stole jewellery in an attempt to pass it off as their own, what would you do? You’d probably wake up the entire neighbourhood, shout for help in apprehending all the remix composers( And Bally Sagoo), shower the choicest abuses and rain blows on all the remix composers(and Bally Sagoo). Especially Bally Sagoo.
Envisage a similar scenario. The gang(and you-know-who) have stolen orignal works, taking advantage of loopholes in Indian copyright law. In what would make the entire country(apart from whatshisname and co) hang its head in shame, the works are’modified’, some outrageously irritating music, in most cases, is’morphed’ into the background, a few ladies(god bless their souls) are asked to gyrate, wink at you, bite their lips and presto- remix tayyaar. And we PAY to buy from the musical chor bazaar. If RD Burman’s family lived in the US, they’d be richer by a few billion dollars over the past few years, just in legal claims.
OK, so what prevents the original composer from going to court?
Ans: Good question! Section 52(1)(j) of the Indian Copyright act
What’s that?
Ans: Bravo! It prevents theives from making copies of a composition for only(hold your breath) two years . It means that an original work cannot be copied for two years. After that, well, it’s a free for all. Here’s the controversial clause:
’no such sound recording shall be made until the expiration of two calendar years after the end of the year in which the first recording of the work was made’.
What’s a copyright?
Ans: never mind
So how do they do it?
Ans: Do what?
I mean, remix?
Ans: Good. Rumours(Unconfirmed again) have it that the unmentionable crowd copy the song and reduce the volume of the thing. Then play with kitchen utensils in the background for the duration of the song. A few drums may also be beaten depending on the mood. There was also this outlandish rumour that a few women were fed dinner that caused constipation. The modus operandi was then to stealthily fit microphones in the rest-rooms and record as the poor souls struggled. It was then used for the the aahs, oohs and oomphs that adorned the song. I don’t believe it one bit.
So who encourages it?
Ans: I told you it was only a rumour.
I mean, remix?
Ans: Oh. All of us I guess? A lot of the originals were catchy, and one wouldn’t mind listening to them again. Maybe they should’ve been marketed better by the original producers when they knew there was still a huge demand for them? One doesn’t know. It was probably one of the factors that encouraged the trend. Some remixes, one must admit, are hummable. But then, they are few in number, and it still doesn’t resolve the issue of ethics. Or the fact that the original composer should ideally be receiving some remuneration for what was, well, his original work.
Any good ones?
you mean remix? Yeah. Kaliyon ka chaman. Kaanta laga(I mean, even though you-know-what, the song itself wasn’t bad). And a new one I particularly liked.
Which one?
Don’t remember.
Now isn’t that the problem with these things. you don’t really remember them in the long run, unlike the original, which you retain fond memories of(unless it’s bunkers.)
ye masaail-e-tasawwuf, ye tera bayaan, Ghalib,
tujhe hum wali samjhte, jo na baadaa khwaar hota!
(These dilemmas of philosophy, and your suggestions, O Ghalib
I’d have considered you a philosopher, if you weren’t a drunkard)