‘How marriages work and why they fail…? Spouse The truth about marriage is Shobhaa De’s view on the role of partners in a marriage, divorce, sex & maintaining children.
An 18 page introduction will welcome you to the book, with these words.‘There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect marriage’ or a ‘perfect spouse’……….’Marriage is an idea. A malleable idea. Marriage is what you make of it…..There is no formula for happy marriage. And nobody has all the answers’. Later, in the introduction, the author clarifies.“While this book isn’t exactly a marriage manual in the usual sense of the word, what it definitely is, is a strong endorsement for being married and staying married.” The book definitely discusses various topics relating marriage and the author gives her opinion from her heart, whether it is in our liking or not, whether we accept it or not.
Positives of the book first:
1. The book is written based on the author’s personal experience, observation and life examples from consulted couples. So, there is a kind of frankness in the writing. It is more like a chat we have with a close friend.
2. The bond which keeping the marriage, the factors which will and will not work for marriage are spelled out in different chapters beautifully.
3. I enjoyed two chapters of the book thoroughly, i.e. Chapter 13, Games people play and Chapter 16, Sex and the City. In these two chapters, the author gone the extra mile and reconnect to readers, if the cord is missed in between.
4. The filmy titles are attractive.
5. The author considers the urban youth in mind and the book is mainly written for the upper class couples. I am sure many of them can identify with those situations easily. It is typically written for the Indian readers, especially for people who see bollywood movies.
6. The author believes equal space, freedom and respect for both partners and values the establishment called ‘marriage’. The author feel that Time, tolerance and tenderness (TTT) essential for maintaining the relation. Imagination, understanding & dignified compromises – the author is practical in many of her views.
The book must be a good read for all those who can take an opinion as an opinion and accept only what is acceptable.
Minuses
1. The book gives a confusing signal all along. This starts from the very core idea of ‘marriage’. Divorce too got an equal importance in the book which I am sure will more confuse the already confused souls. The confusion continues in the detailing through different chapters. Let it be the merits of a joint family or dealing with friends or compromises with partners…the author fail to give a settled view. Even the author’s view on ‘fantasy’ sex is confusing.
2. The basic principle/idea of marriage not got serious consideration. This I belief is a must for any book which discuss the institution called marriage. Without discussing the topic, analyzing the procedures and activities will not lead the partners to the common goal. The procedures and activities are only frills. The important point is to understand what it is than how it is. Once we know what it is, our attitude to the frills will change dramatically. Couples should understand this before entering to the bond called marriage. The book is not helpful to youngsters who are about to get married.
3. I got the impression that the author underestimated the benefits of good friendship and how it can be helpful in maintaining good family relations. Also the author seems pre-occupied with the benefits from the ‘joint family system’. Both pictures remain incomplete, the first without trust and the second without its positives.
4. The book gives some fine points at the end of each chapter. Then, the author freely adds new points in this section without much explanation. This in my opinion spoils the positive idea.
5. The author uses more space than necessary to give the personal experience in chapters and the editor seems lost the battle with the author and maintained all of them without question. The author gives many clarifications than necessary and takes some advance bails for safety. The book can be edited at least by 50 to 75 pages.
6. While the introduction was superb, the final chapters of the book miss the big O. The initial charm is lost while the author moved much to the Saas Bahu saga and divorce adventures. Some damage control was done in chapters from the middle. A good ending chapter assembling the points is missing.
In short, the book could have been written and presented much better, but even in this form it is informative and guiding. You may have to judicious while reading the book, but we should be so in all my life and in relations. So, don’t hesitate, if you get a chance, read the book which is informative, frank and detailed. People who like adventures and travels in troubled waters will like the book more.
‘Marriage is about moments’. ‘The book too has its own moments!!’