Sterling Resorts Elk Hill, Ooty, has dark, dingy corners.
It has a maze-like layout, and a thoroughly miserable,
mildewed and run-down appearance. Many of the numerous
doors along its long corridors open not into rooms but only
god knows where. And they apparently charge five grand for
this place in peak season.(I was on time-share).
"This place sucks", is an understatement. Forget about being
pleasant; on first looks, it looks downright scary. As you descend
the stairs into its cold lower levels, - the lift is
most likely not functioning - the thought that crosses your
mind is: "was The Exorcist shot here!?" That kind of place.
While comparisons with "bhooth bangalows" are not entirely
out of order, it should remind you of at least a large
government hospital in a large mofussil town, if you have
ever been unfortunate enough to visit one.
Open the door of the two-bedroom suite, and step into what
passes for a living room. You will instantly realize that
the wooden floor was not swept since the Brits left the town.
Some sort of breakfast counter separates the kichenette
(utensils, yes, but stove or oven? Sorry!) from the
living area. You see dark, red patches of some dried-up
liquid on the counter.("Blood?" you shudder.) They haven’t
cleaned up the counter either.
The wall-to-wall carpeting in the bedrooms might have seen
better days when it was still in the shop waiting to be
purchased by Sterling people, but it definitely has not seen
a vacuum cleaner since then. Look carefully, and you shall
notice that what appear like large specks of dirt are
actually particles of food. Aha! You are comforted by the
thought there was another sucker before you here, and quite
recently too, for the room otherwise betrays no signs of
having been inhabited since the days of Mangal Pandey.
What you have seen till now still doesn’t prepare you for
the shocker called bathroom. Actually, if you were to visit
the toilet first, and then step back into the living room, you’ll
be forgiven for thinking that five-star opulence was thrown
carelessly at you to catch you unawares. So, take care,
gentle reader, and open the bathroom door inch by inch.
Take the scene gradually in, as the insides of the bathroom
unfold in all of their misery. You might first want to flush
the WC, if the flush is working, that is They seem not to
have heard of Harpik in these parts. A dirty joke about the
similarities between a hooker and a public tolilet comes
to mind, but hey, this is a family site, so let’s move on.
There is a balcony. And there is a silver lining in the
clouds too. A real one, to boot, in the summer clouds of
lovely Nilgiris skies. So, okay, let’s be fair and mention
also the fact that the refrigerator is, surprisingly,
working. But that’s a mystery easily explained by the
fact that nobody in his right mind would live long enough in
a place like this to need a fridge, and so the contraption
must hardly have been used. How can a gadget get
borken if it’s not used at all?
The staff at this "resort" is indifferent. They look like they
would be happier working else where, like in a REAL resort,
not a fake one. You call up housekeeping three
times and tell them to clean up the place. Nothing happens.
You yell at them in desperation. It’s all apparently in a
day’s work for them, so they shrug it off. Worse
yet, they wait for you to get rash enough to order room
service, and then they send you foul-tasting tea. "Don’t
get mad, get even", seems to be the modus operandi.
You sit on the sofa-cum-bed. Bingo, it crashes with a
loud thud. House-keeping people come, make the beds -
including the sofa-cum-bed - and go away. They leave
the broken sofa as it is; fixing it is not their department.
But they don’t forget to leave advertising material
behind: pamphlets announcing the various services that
Sterling will gladly do for you, all for a fee. They
have even got a disco at this place. Adults 50 bucks,
kids 30. Well maybe it’s better shake a leg and unwind;
because by now you’re pretty stressed.
The general ambience is not conducive to romance, so
if you have a female companion, perish all thought of
any fun in the night. Though she will definitely snuggle up
to you and hold you tight, it will more likely be out of
sheer fright than any amorous intent.
* **
(PS: If this review looks like a savage trashing of Sterling
Resorts, Elk Hill, Ooty, it was intended to be. I mention
the fact, just for balance’s sake, that I heard good to
very good reports about some other Sterling properties,
such as those at Kodaikanal and Yercaud. But as far as Elk Hill,
Ooty, is concerned, here is my earnest advice: run, baby, run!)