Let me start this one with a song!
"Naach Meri Bulbul ke Paisa Milega.
Kaha Kadardaan Humein Aisa Milega."
1. You Know My Age I’m 30 plus 9
– Krantiveer
Nana Patekar and Bindu. What a casting coup!
Nana goes to a dance club or a bar or something like that with his
friends Atul Agnihotri and Mamta Kulkarni. Very soon, a buxom,
overweight, vampy Bindu enters the place and zeroes in on Nana(?)
while ignoring all the other men present there. In the course of the
song and dance that follow, Bindu tells Nana her real age.gasp!
"You
know my age I’m 30+ 9" and Nana steals a sly look at her, knowingly
licks his fingers and says, "That means you are’old wine’. Yuck!
2. Aa Aaa Eeee Oo Oo Ooo
This is choreographed on the King of vulgar movements Govinda and not-yet-fully-transformed Karishma. Both being followed by a group of strange looking Prison-Warden cum Aayah type of middle-aged women all of whom for some strange reason are clad in white sarees. Every time the song goes *(OO-OO-OOOO) these ladies try to lift the sarees above their knee level.
Oh, and before I forget, the piece-de-resistance’, thotla Thakti Kapoor dressed in longitudinally striped knickers/boxers/shorts/chaddi(take ur pick) with a white, long, naada hanging out.
All the time our main couple is busy making vulgar hip movements, cheap jhatkas and. you get the drift. NEVER watch this song with family!
3. Padosan Apni Murgi Ko Rakhna sambhal
Mera murga Hua Hein deewana
– Jaadugar
An aged-but-trying-to-pass-off-as-young Amitabh Bachchan in a lungi that gets half untied during the course of the song, chasing an aged-but-trying-to-pass-off-as-young-and-glamorous Jaya Prada with suggestive gestures, while warning her to keep her fowl under control because his *murga is going crazy(deewana). Can it get any cheaper than this?
4. Bhatke panchchi
- Main Prem Ki Deewani Hoon
Kareena has some thing black stuck on her teeth, in order to repel anyone from coming near her and I firmly can say that she has succeeded. Oh My God!
The obnoxious facial expressions, annoying mannerisms, silly dance steps and to top it all off, the black thing stuck on her teeth.
5. Hai hai mirchi, Uff Uff mirchi
Fooh fooh mirchi, Uff Uff mirchi
Anil Kapoor-in-a-Punju-disguise tripping over his fake Punju outfit while waving strange scarves, Karishma gasping and panting like an astronomer lost in space with out oxygen. All this in an elite club to win back Sallu from Ms. Sen. Who could imagine all this?
6. Baandhi kamariya se sari, ke aayi ab aunty ki baari.
– Aunty No.1
Watch this to appreciate the makeup artist’s efforts to make Govinda look like a "lady."
The resulting Govinda Aunty(?)
neither looks like a man nor a woman, so what does that leave out?
Hmm. No. Calling him a eunuch is an insult to the word eunuch. Why even Maharani(Sadashiv Amrapurkar) in Sadak was more lady-like than him.
Watch out for that dirty, white large toothed, high-watt smile of Govinda Aunty! Priceless.
7. Shaadi Hain Laddoo Moti Choor Ka
Jo Khaaye Pachtaaye
Jo Na Khaaye Pachtaaye
Watching an aged Aruna Irani with mole and all, displaying weird facial expressions shaking her body to this atrocious wedding song screamed VULGAR! In fact, for no particular reason I found the whole song to be vulgar. If I remember right, this dance number also featured Kajol, Ayesha Jhulka and Jackie Shroff in addition to Ms. Irani, all dancing in weird vulgar body shakes and wearing ecstatic facial expressions.
8. Aaya mausam dosti ka
– Maine Pyar kiya.
What you didn’t like the picturization of this song? Did you not like the FRIEND cap? Did you not like the "friendly" kisses on Salman’s outstretched hands by the coy little pious Bhagyashree without ever letting her lips touch his hand? Did you not like the three "friends" lying on the ground on their bellies while wearing the FRIEND cap? Eh DOST?
9. Sarkaileo Khatiya Jaada Laage
– Raja Babu
Govinda and Karishma again! This shows an obese Govinda on a silent summery night sleeping outdoors on a *Khatiya. He is harassed by a red satin lungi clad Karishma while all other household members are sleeping.
Karishma asks Govinda to move on the khatiya to give space to sit beside him, while admitting that the cot is cold and in the cold ’balma’(lover boy) looks "lovely."
And then to prove her point(how "lovely" she finds Govinda) she lifts the lungi over her head to cover her face all the while dancing and shaking her body like the reanimated corpse in Evil Dead.
I don’t’ know how the household members managed to stay asleep but these two can wake the dead up!
10. Tick tock Tick tock.Neend ke maare.Darwazza Khulla Chod Aayi
– Naajayaz.
Juhi Decent Chawla trying to experiment in her choice of dance numbers! Divinely vulgar lyrics, disgusting bosom shakes, atrocious bottom shakes and a female extra making it her point to scream at the top of her lungs whenever Juhi says "neend ke maare." *Jeepers! Creepers!
Oh, and I almost forgot! The "tick tock tick tock" chorus sounding like a bomb’s clock dangerously ticking away accompanies the whole damned song.
11. Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa Laaya Laaya Laaya Laaya
The whole area is filled with matkas and more matkas(pots). There are extras dressed in multicolored ghagras everywhere! Jeetendra is dressed like a white duck again! Sridevi and Jeetu RUN among the matkas without breaking a SINGLE one accidentally. Such navigation skills! Lots of thigh-shakes, prancing around, while Sridevi’s expressions change from coy to eager to coy again every time Jeetu goes near her.
12. Angna Mein Baba:
Govinda is being chased by Shilpa Shirodkar in a village courtyard and is surrounded by a group of rustic village belles(all of whom are strangely attracted to the chubby Govinda wearing a dhoti). All the gao’n ki goriyan make vulgar and suggestive gestures, while Shilpa invites him to her house.* There are no dance steps in particular. Just everybody running helter skelter!
Then he asks "Ghar Maa Jo Aave to Humein Kya Khilaive?"(What will you feed me if I come into your house? What else will the’dumble beta’ want? Food and more food!) to which Shilpa replies "Garam Garam Poori Aur Halwa Banaive, Naram Naram Haathon Se Khaale Balmaa"(I will make hot, hot pooris and Halwa. Eat with soft, soft hands My beloved!).
Need I say anything more?