Killer topic. Here goes:
1) aa aa ee - Raja Babu: Sarkaliyo khatiya has made it in another reviewers list but this gem was missed out. What can one say about the choreography. Whether it was Karisma’s lehenga being lifted up by the extra’s or govinda, or whether it was govinda’s sunglasses and Nehru topi or whether it was govinda’s well choreographed kurta lifting to display his(heaven help us!) crotch. Each second in this gem(!) of a song is priceless. A final note … please look carefully at the extra’s in the background. White saris(the type we are used to seeing worn by hindi movie heroines who are sent to jail) and specs! Priceless!
2) Aaya mausam dosti ka – Maine Pyar kiya: Ok, if you are a Barjatiya fan stop right here. This song symbolizes the saccharine sweet cinema, which I have come to run far away from. Cant figure out what’s the most aggravating part in the song - the extremely irritating “friend” cap which keeps popping up or the “desperately in need of liposuction” doodhwali(Huma Khan, THE starlet/vamp/extra for all Barjatiya movies) who shakes her belly or laxmikant berde(can someone PLEASE ban the guy from movies?)
3) Hoothon pe Bas tera Naam Hai – Yeh Dillagi: This little known song from Kajol is the one blemish in her career. Some idiot thrust her in a tight blue outfit, made her slither over mirror and made Lata Mangeshkar try and croon “Darleeng, I luuv you, yooou Luuuvvv Meee”. Obnoxious and unforgivable. HOW can someone do this to Kajol and get away with it?
4) Mooti Choor Ladoo(or something like that) –(movie name: Forgetable, a Kajol, Atul Agnihotri, Jackie, Ayesha Jhulka starrer): This song has been viewed by me just once but like a horrible earworm has stuck on. Perfect example of how even without vulgar dance movements or lyrics a song can be reeking of vulgarity. There is something obnoxious about watching an aged Aruna Irani doing the bump, grind routine to this atrocious song.
5) Aangana Mein Baba(I think that’s what its called) – Aankhen: Govinda again, ladies and gentlemen, and this time joining him very ably is Shilpa Shirodkar(sidey small time actress). This song has me in splits everytime I have seen it. I mean…. Why don’t they just get nude and make out instead of thrusting their crotches in each other’s faces and the face’s of the poor extra’s?(I feel sorry for all the govinda movie extra’s who get to view him in close quarters ever so often, if you know what I mean). This one is as hilariously vulgar as they come guys.
6) Bhel Puri song – Coolie No. 1: The dynamic(!) duo at it again. So this time there are no sari lifting, crotch flashing moments but it beats me how Govinda and Karisma manage to look vulgar and obnoxious without skin flashing etc etc. check out the obnoxious steps, the irritating expressions by Karisma and Govinda’s little bosom shake dance right in the end. Are there any laws in this country to sue these two for being the most irritating twosome ever? J
7) Darwazza Khulla Chod Aayi – Naajayaz: Shocking but true; the pristine Ms. Chawla in this song? Hah, thankfully it’s the sidey actress in the song who gets all the best(!) lines and jhatkas. This song is truly a scream(pun fully intended!) with our sidey extra screaming in a shrill voice in between every paragraph along with an ample bosom shake.
8) Tum bin maar jayeenge, jeevan kar jaayenge(an old old horrible Mithun movie called “Ustadi Ustad se” ….) J - I know you think I have a bad life for even knowing about this movie’s existence but in the bad old days of DD, we had nothing on TV but re-runs of some obnoxiously nauseating cinema. This song is picturised on two IRRITATING kids who must be 6 or 7 and are proclaiming true love for each other at a typical hindi movie “happy burday” party! It’s both nauseating and laughable to see them nodding heads, clasping hands etc etc. The kind of kinds who want to make you shake them and slap them.
9) The MJ Thriller rip off song from “Kasam Paeda Karney Walle Ki”(starring the one and only Mithun!): I could devote the entire article to this one. Anyone who has seen the original MJ video would know that the theme of the choreography is that ghosts, ghouls etc etc are rising from the dead. Well, apart from the “howlarious” “dhisco” steps by Mithun, we have a VERY scary looking Salma Agha. This lady with her cat eyes, orange hair and psyco looks is scary on a stand alone basis. The spoofy ghosts and ghouls were not needed for this terrible rip off video, with her being around.
10) Chandni – The title song from the Yash Chopra flick, Chandni: Ok, I am sure some people are going to howl on this one being included, but WHAT could be worse than watching a giggling 30 plus Sridevi, (pretending to be 18) try and sing(? Dare I call it singing?) and a multi colored over the hill 45 plus Rishi Kapoor(paunch and lard in place) run around on hilly slopes. To make matters worse, Mr kapoor in his attempt to educate us about all the colors in the rainbow, keeps changing his clothes, ably supported by an off–tune-and-how Sridevi. I couldn’t decide whether it was my ears I should shut or my eyes to avoid the glare of Mr Kapoor’s sweaters.
This was the tip of the iceberg. I would like to include all the nameless(and obviously forgettable) songs picturised on Mamta Kulkarni, Kimi Katkar, Shilpa Shirodkar, Babita(yesteryears) etc etc.