There are many, many films about **Excalibur**, the legendary sword of antiquity fortified with an invisible but potent layer of Caesar-y goodness, but only one with **Aishwarya Rai** as a sexy lady-warrior, a pint-sized, adorable li’l Caesar(Thomas Sangster), and **Ben Kingsley** running around with grayish-white hair, a staff, and long flowing white robes like a **obsessive Gandalf fan** at a third-rate comic-book convention.
Though it’s never wise to underestimate the power or universal appeal of **Rai’s miniature cleavage, cute Jerry-ish(ref: Tom & Jerry) looks, and lustrous hair**, The Last Legion is an **extrememly mediocre** sword-toga-and-sandal epic about the origins of Camelot.
Clearly biding his time unhappily between Bridget Jones sequels and more highbrow period epics, a disinterested **Colin Firth** stars as a Roman warrior(**Marcus Aurelius**, i.e. Gladiator?) charged with protecting child emperor Sangster. When barbarians invade and imprison Sangster alongside wise mentor/bootleg Gandalf Kingsley, Firth teams up with Rai and a multicultural Sexy Roman Adventure Squad to free him.
The invasion renders Firth and his band of warrior outlaws without a country, so, Excalibur in tow, they sail to Britannia and continue to battle for the values of the Roman Empire.
Rai is a ravishing object of desire for about 3/4th of the movie, after which her pseudo Xena-ish appeal is replaced with aging-aunty-in-need. Her chemistry with Firth is **nonexistent**. When Rai and Firth stop feuding and crossing swords long enough to bed each other, they seem motivated by a perfunctory sense of **obligation rather than passion**.
In its depiction of noble but outmatched Romans fighting a hiss-worthy barbarian horde, Legion **faintly echoes 300** and a lot other succesful epics, but without the comic-book élan and crowd-pleasing flair for stylish ultra-violence.
*In Gladiator, Russel Crowe made Marcus Aurelius a hero.** In Last Legion, Marcus appears nothing more than an **everyday soldier with some faithful supporters**.
If green-screen bloodbaths like 300 represent the future of adventure epics, then The Last Legion embodies an **obsolete, creaky, tradition-bound past** we sooo want to forget.
Money has been spent on background, a few props and scenery, but don’t waste money on theatre. If you still want to watch it, rent it out. Cheers!