Well finally I have touched Review No 350 on Mouthshut. And I would love to dedicate this to all my friends out here on Mouthshut who had the patience to sit through my rambling, and actually comment on it. As also to some brave folks who took the trouble of going through my entire collection of reviews, risking great danger to their brain. And yeah thanks to all my close buddies on MS who have been with me through thick and thin. Well I am not a Dale Carneige expert on How to Win Friends and Influence People. Just some views of mine on friendship based on my experiences.
*Thou Shalt not be Judgemental.
*At times your friend must have got into some kind of mess, personal or professional. At such times it is tempting to play God and start preaching to hi/her. That is the worst thing you can do. Remember one thing a friend turns to you if he/she feels that you are the only one who could understand their feelings. And the minute you start to become judgemental, they lose faith in you. Dont judge your friend by your moral standards unless they have comitted a very serious crime.
*Your friend is different
Quite often we have this yearning to make friends with like minded people. Nothing can be far worse. There is no harm in making friends with people whose thoughts do not exactly tally with yours. Unless of course those thoughts are something you would never approve of. For all my tolerance level, I would never make friends with a **Nazi supporter. But otherwise my friends list has been an eclectic mixture of people atheists, highly religious, communists, right wing, travel bugs, sports fans, techies. My credo is simple, I accept your differences as long as you dont make me accept it.
*Give some space
*There are times when your friend is in a mood of depression, and just wants to be left alone. Now unless your friend is prone to suicidal tendencies, give them the space they need. Dont pile upon your friend trying to continously talk their way out of trouble. At times when people are feeling sad they just want to be left alone. In such a case just let them be to themselves till the time they feel normal and come back.
Lend an Ear Not More
When your friend wants to share his or her feelings with you, they dont expect you to solve their problem. Quite often we have this tendency to be the Good Samaritan and rush in headlong to solve our friends personal problems. Only thing is that in most of the cases, it just backfires. Unless your friend explicitly asks you for help, do not rush in especially in the case of personal problems. Most of the time your friend would have figured out the solution for it, he just wants to share his feelings, let them out. And again dont keep coaxing your friend to come out with the problem, some people tend to be very private about their personal issues. Let him come out when he or she, feels totally comfortable with it.
Keep your expectations realistic
Your friend is not a super hero or a powerful person. He or she are just ordinary persons like you. Dont expect him to solve every problem you are facing. Yes he might help you out in certain cases like say money but he certainly cant be a hero every time. If you make friends with some one just because you feel you can get some benefits out of it trust me that kinda relationship will break up soon. It will never last in the long run.
Remember as they say a friend in need is a friend indeed. And nothing is more precious than having good friends.