This book by Allan and Barbara Pease brings out some wonderful facts. Though some may find it sexist or politically incorrect but the authors have quoted many scientific studies and psychological and social facts drawn from thousands of years of experiences read by them.
In a nutshell what they say is that yes men and women are different and are so because of their genes which have become as they are due to evolutionThe purpose of their book is to plead with the reader that they must understand these differences and live with them . It is only when they want their partners to be like them or behave as they are behaving, the differences arise.
HISTORICAL BACKGROUND- why are the 2 genders different. The ancient man lived in caves. He was a hunter and defender of his brood . Thus he was always on the alert, stooped in his cave, thinking of strategies of catching his prey for food and trying to save his family from being cannibalized. Thus he had spatial skills, using his hands and feet and developed a solid body. He would talk less and act more. He would return home at dark, too tired for anything but to procreate. He was aware that young ones were living in the house but did not bother with the details.
The details were left to the wife who was the nurturer and defender of her nest. Thus she had developed multi-tasking skills –she could look after the kids, cook her food and watch the entrance of her house through side glances –all at the same time. She would also socialize with her neighbours, learning and sharing strategies for survival. Thus women developed verbal skills and muti-tasking abilities.
GENETIC FACTS- due to this evolution, women developed 2 centres for speech as against 1 centre in men –only in the left side of the brain. Women also developed strong connections between the 2 sides of the brain so they could muti-task . Men had a very strong right side of the brain so they developed skills in intense tasks like maps, directons, maths, science, navigation etc. But men could not talk at all. In fact when they get paralysed, they lose their speech completely whereas women never lose speech even if fully paralysed.
Hence girls aged 3 years have twice the vocabulary of boys of the same age.
Girl infants at 7 day age can differeftiate their mom’s voice while boy infants cannot till much later.
APPLICATIN TO PRESENT TIMES- The problem is that women feel that the lack of communication on the part of men is leading to grave lack of love. It may not be so—man is used to look after them and is puzzled when he is asked to be good at verbal skills too. Similarly, women are now also in the role of bread winners—since this is a relatively fresh genetic development, they are not comfortable in many of the new roles just as many men are not comfortable with the idea of staying at home, sharing parenthood—playing the unfamiliar role of the nurturer.
Oh yes, give them time –say another two generations and they will adapt. But at present it is a transitional phase so the 2 sexes have to enhance their patience. Before say 1960, joint families took off the edge from stormy relationships. Women were pregnant about 5 to 10 times in their life time so the roles were played just as in the cave times.
Now the man feels scared of the new found independence of the women.
The authors also explain why some men adjust so well. When in the womb, the chromosomes decide the sex—so if it is xx—it is a girl. But the brain sex is decided by the hormonal influence on the fetal brain between 6 to 8 weeks. So is she gets 100 percent female hormone. She develops into a typical female. If the hormone is 2/3rd female and 1/3rd male—she may turn out to better at male skills like maths and maps and be more independent. If the hormonal influence is pre-dominantly male, she will turn out to be a lesbian.
Similarly, in males if the hormonal influence to the genetically xy fetus is predominantly female, he will grow up to be more verbose, sensitive, artistic and, in extreme forms a homosexual.
The book ofcourse is not as simplistic as I have made it sound here but then you have to read it as it is based on very well researched relationship scenarios.