I am a crazy shopper. Not that I shop-till-I-drop I buy things that are driven by wrong choices. I own stuff that I don't need or will never use or even shouldn't use. So, I am a wrong shopping-decision maker and it’s quite depressing to be Me.
One example of this blunder was buying MEself some poison and popcorn from the MS gifts mall. The bottle looked cute and I liked the huge cheese-caramel popcorn tumbler, moreover I got them at a good price (who can escape a good bargain?) However, the effects were disastrous. Cheese is known to drive me insane. I feel like Govinda after havingcheese. Chocolate/caramel make me depressed. As for that poison, I'd like to sue its manufacturers. I think it was China-ka-maal and not genuine. The bottle contained concentrated Cashew juice! As it is I was depressed and high on the mood-swing meter and was now seeing people in triplets, narrating 2 times tables as 2 x 3 = 8, dancing on branches and car hoods, calling my landlord a @#$%, pooping on passers-by, etc.
Here's what happened. After I consumed the above mentioned goodies (badies?? they're harmful), I flew up to a tanki and wanted to commit suicide(Damn that nulla poison!) I didn't understand why anyone would want to find me. If they did, they would scold me 4 the crappy posts I wrote. Thus I thought I’d disappear.
From that angle, high up there on the tanki, I could not see any Gaaonwalon nor any Mausiji but I did peek at a lone doggie and remembered that this must've been the same mutt that FE Da mentioned in his review.
Sadly, that doggie jumped on a sailing streamer and landed on the clean beaches of Dubai. Here, he went straight to our contest organizer Paul who filed an FIR. Paul also sent out search parties and warned everyone around to look for me. I think Paul would’ve offered the much talked about MS aeroplane to the person who gave him the details of my whereabouts.
Anyway, I flew for days and nights in the scorching heat of cyberspace. I stopped occasionally to rest and got a bird's eye-view of the happenings around. One afternoon, I saw a very ‘Chikna’ fellow sitting under a branch. He crying buckets of tears and was writing a note for me. I could not see him cry anymore and flew from there too.
Driven again by a mood-swing, I stopped by a pool of water to get a pedicure. Unfortunately, our tez reporter (paparazzi paulose) clicked a picture of me in the act and posted it here. Santhosh, you evil man! When a bird is getting a pedicure, leave it alone! I was flustered by this inhumane act, for you see, even birds have feelings, and fluttered away.
I then took shelter in a fine lady’s kitchen. I hid there for a few days and noticed that I had never seen her without a book in her hand. She used to read a lot. Occasionally, she would stop to admire her Chintu si chhoti on the squeaky clean steel plate and catch Mumbai locals but other than that she read - a hell lot. One evening when she was lost in between pages with Draupadi, and wasn’t looking, I pecked on the bhel that she had carelessly kept on the table. As my luck would have it, I got caught and that left me no option but to fly away from there.
Though I am not completely sober and still reeling from the effects of concentrated Fenni, I have decided to perch on this branch once again and want to say this:
Thanx Paul for those interesting contests and for voting a photo from my collection as the funniest, and declaring me as the 1st runner up in the comments contest. The gifts you sent are highly appreciated...and that post you dedicated to finding me..hehe! Also, it was cool to see so many comments on that post.
Paulose, you caught me getting a pedicure! Lol! That breaking news post of yours had me glaring at the monitor. Surprisingly, the monitor is still intact.
Chintuji, I had no intention to steal your bhel. I just wanted a bite. U look lovely in your new photo. I used my crossword voucher and picked up a few books. Remembered you that day.
Chikna Chaabi, stop shedding tears, I am back. Monoo, take care of this guy, I don’t want him to turn into a devdas.
Mile-stoners - well done! Angel, congrats on your wedding.
Nice to see the photo change on everyone’s profile. I have lots to read and ogle.
Thanx to those those who sent me MS gifts while I was away.
FE Da, thank you for your message. It really meant a lot.
Think before you shop! Don't buy things you don't need. That's a lesson for me..in more ways than one.
It’s a sweet feeling to be remembered when one is away. I have a huge grin on my face :)
ps: #1 I was lost somewhere, I don't know where. If I knew where was where, I would never go back there.
ps: #2 You, whom I have promised to write a review for, you know the promise has not been forgotten and the review is delayed for reasons only you know. Am I confusing you, You?