I’m selfish. I only pray when I’m disturbed or when I feel the need to. At other times I do not feel the urge to bow my brow to the ‘maybe-somewhere-out-there’ God. So I know that I have no rights to complain if the powers above (if they really do exist) give me trouble by the bucket load. I don’t pray so the Powers ignore me. It’s a fair deal. And I can accept this – not wholeheartedly – but reluctantly. (For I still selfishly want that Power to protect me – whether I pray or not!)

But my mother is different. She is the sweetest soul who can will no ill on anyone. And she prays 24/7. I mean she really prays. She starts her day at 4 am with a bath and then does her daily chores while chanting her prayers. Then she finishes her work and prays some more. And then some more! She tells the kids fantastic moral stories. She is respected by the entire neighbourhood for her honesty and forthrightness. She is the incredible force that drives our home. When troubles befall her – I simply do not have the courage to accept it.

And life over the last one year has been extremely difficult for her. On September 10th last year she had a fall in the bathroom and fractured her hip. This – came after she had recovered from a minor accident and a wrist fracture just 6 months ago. It was a big blow for the family. However we moved on and took her to supposedly the best orthopedic care hospital in town. Surgery was performed on her – but recovery did not happen. Four months later – the fracture had still not healed and in fact the implant that this hospital had put inside her had gone on to give her an arthritic hip. More checks and more hospitals later – she underwent another surgery in January this year. This time it was a hip replacement surgery. She recovered splendidly well – and by July this year she could walk normally without a limp. Mother was ecstatic! To celebrate her recovery and to thank the Lord who helped her recover she went on a pilgrimage tour last week to Allahabad, Ayodhya, Varanasi etc with a group of 15 people including her brother and family. Yesterday she met with another unfortunate accident (fell into 6 feet deep pit) and has fractured her knee! Now she lies alone in a hospital in Varanasi. A cousin from Delhi will fly down there and get her to Chennai.

My point here is – why her? Why keep on punishing someone who has so much faith? Someone who believes so truly in the Powers above?

My mother’s theory now is that – anything could have happened – since she fell into a 6 ft deep pit. It’s only a hairline knee fracture. And she continues to pray and thank the Lord.

I’m angry. I want an answer and I want to know if these powers above are blind and deaf? Do they exist at all? Did they really save her from a bigger misfortune? But why in the first place does she have an endless list of misfortunes in her quota? What has she done to earn it? Do her prayers really save her? Or is it simply an illusion that she lives under?

I do not know. All I know is that I’m very confused and very upset. And that my mother really really really does not deserve this.