Hello to everyone!
I’m Johnny Lever, a proud member of the cast of the film 36
China Town.
What is 36 China Town? Is it a location in China? No.
Is it a movie? Yes.
Then you ask, why name it confusingly and call it “36 China
Town?” Because, the “crux” of the story is the murder of a rich woman(with a
‘Chinese’ sounding last name, Chang) who lives in a palatial mansion located at a mysterious address, “36 China Town” in Goa. Now, I’m ignorant so kill me if
this address really exists. I wasn’t hired when most of the other cast members
were hired so I don’t know a lot of what happened in the beginning of the film’s shooting.
The makers of the movie, Abbas *ji* Mastan* ji
wanted to hire the film’s cast and everyone else associated with the movie such
that, each of them were good at **showcasing** their unique talent(s). Why
didn’t they hire me first for my ‘round-eyed-look’ talent? Humph.
I overheard Abbas *ji* Mastan* ji* discussing that
Kareena Kapoor *ji* successfully **showcased** her skin baring talents
just like they intended. They were also saying that Shahid *ji* also **showcased*
his one act talent i.e. *“oh-such-a-cutesy-pie-act.” *I wonder what that
is? The *videshi* import Upen Patel showcased **arrogance** because he
roamed on the sets thinking that he is the next greatest thing to happen to
mankind(or womankind) since the invention of *samosa*. He seduced all the
film’s female extras with his cheesy pick-up lines(which usually I used to
do). He was even asking the extras to take a pick from two different types of
cheese. Cheddar or Brie? Or something like that. I hate him.
Did I tell you that Paresh Rawal *ji* was also hired
towards the film shooting’s end just like me? From the spot-boys’ discussion that I eavesdropped on, I
found out that once the entire movie was shot, there was a pre-screening. After
the pre-screen viewing, Abbas *ji* Mastan *ji* felt that they need a
couple of funny guys to **showcase** their “laugh raising” talents. So, they
hired yours truly and Paresh Rawal *ji* as an afterthought. They asked
scriptwriter number 15 to randomly weave a few phony “phunny” scenarios around
them. Paresh *ji *and I acted in these scenes only.
I especially liked watching senior and talented actor Paresh
ji* in WET swimming trunks on the film’s sets. So, er… Ahem… He **showcased*
HIS body too. Isha Koppikar *ji*, who forms the “crux” of this tight and
taut thrilling-mystery-wrapped-in-an-enigma, gets a few chances to **showcase*
her “talents” too. Himesh *ji*** showcased** his “sing-through-nose”
talent very well. The makeup artist/hairdresser for the kid actor(I played
with him a bit on the sets but don’t remember his name now) **showcased*
her hair coloring talent(She inventively dyed the kids hair a shocking shade
of red upon the request of Abbas *ji* Mastan* ji*, so that he remains
unrecognizable to anyone except Kareena *ji* and Shahid *ji* or
something to that effect).
The only actor, who did not listen to Abbas *ji* Mastan
ji* when they were screaming “Show case, Show case” on the sets when
shooting was going on, was Akshaye Khanna *ji*. As a result, he acted very
‘normally’ as a police officer.
The plot is very interesting. In the beginning of film, the
rich casino owner Isha *ji*’s child(the kid I played with) is kidnapped.
After some random happenings, Isha *ji* is murdered. And after some more
happenings, the murder mystery is solved by Akshaye *ji.* That’s the plot in a nutshell.
I heard from the grapevine that Abbas *ji* Mastan *ji
wanted to experiment a bit and so hired 20 or 22 different scriptwriters.
Scriptwriter number 1 wrote the first 10 minutes of the script. Script writer
number 2 wrote the next 10 minutes of the script and so on. So, if you
carefully notice you’ll see that the film is different every 10 minutes. Some
critics have been saying that it’s not a well-integrated product. But still I
admire Abbas *ji* Mastan *ji*’s experimentation. How many moviemakers
these days have the guts to try some so new?
Kareena *ji* was really bored on the sets even though
Shahid *ji* used to tell her some jokes to make her laugh. Once when the
spot boy couldn’t get *chickoo* shake like she wanted(the spot boy kept
giving stupid excuses like *“memsahab, abhi to Chickoo out of season hain”*)
she threatened to walk out of the film. But, yours truly went behind her and
begged her to stay since she is main star of the film. After that, they sent a
different spot boy to fetch the *chickoo* shake and fired the first spot
boy. Later Shahid *ji *thanked me
for stopping her from leaving.* *With that tantrum, Kareena *ji *proved
that she is truly a star. Don’t “stars” deserve to drink the shake that they
want when they want?
* *
Raj Zutshi *ji *and I had a great time for about 10
days or so. We only had ten days of common shooting because I was hired in the
end remember? In between shots we used to go for cigarette breaks with *masala
chai* and also used to play *teen patte.* Zutshi *ji* and I had
long conversations about his struggles during *Grih Laxmi ka Jinn
days. Even in a television serial he
was so charming. He also used to say, *“Shahrukh Khan has taken my first name
for his permanent screen name.”* Heh… he… ‘Phunny’ guy, like me!*
*On a personal note:*
The only highlight of the movie is the song “Uh Uh Aashiqui
mein teri…Juh Juh Jaayegi Jaan Meri” sung by Himesh Nasal Reshammiya. Now, that
alone should tell you how I liked this movie. Watch it if your have suicidal
tendencies, but don’t forget to get a decent life insurance first. After all,
who will look after your family once you’re gone?