HR (Himesh Reshammiya, pigmented and bumpy lipped, with exactly one expression throughout) is a world-class singer, an ‘Indian Rock star’ who is on a concert-tour in Heidelberg, Germany.
In between warding off wildly-crazed fans, and singing at ‘sold-out’ concerts, the want of tickets of which are causing bloodshed all around, HR comes across his event-manager Riaa ( Hansika Motwani, pudgy and pasty-faced) in the most ridiculous boy-meets-girl scene ever filmed in the history of cinema. It is love at first sight for the ‘Rockstar’ and event manager over the Gayatri-mantra that you are later enlightened, is Riaa’s ring tone. Punctuated by a badly- picturised song or two, their love story moves forward at express speed.
Meanwhile, HR also comes across Germany’s top lawyer Ruby James ( Mallika Sherawat. Smokin’ Hot!) who also falls head-over-heels on sight, and cant seem to keep her eyes and hands, off love-magnet Reshammiyya. But humble and loyal HR, of the single-expression fame, rebuffs her, proclaiming true love only for perfectly-manicured with inch-long nails, Riaa, who, interestingly, never seems to be managing any event ever.
To add a twist to the story, HR is suddenly accused of murdering a TV reporter. The reporter, a German, who has, hold-your-breath, strange and red-haired Raj Babbar for a father, was apparently planning a sting-operation on HR when she was brutally raped and murdered, by him.
“It’s a mistake!” screams HR dramatically as the German police arrest him from between a throng of fans wildly clutching at him, just after one of the many sold-out concerts.
After that you have HR on a whodunit spree, as he has to find the real killer to convince Riaa’s father that he isn’t one.
My curiosity levels could put a few thousand cats to shame, and that was the reason I booked my usual first-day, last-show tickets to this 2 and a half hour exercise in self-love by megalomaniac Reshammiyya. I admit though, to having more than a few uproarious laughs as I watched the one-expression wonder, clad in jackets and cap throughout the movie, trying his bestest to strut his stuff.
The entire movie has people singing paeans of praise; about how ‘humble’ the great ‘Rock star’ is in spite of being such a craze all over the world. Of how ‘cultured’ (read s: does not smoke, drink or flirt) he is in spite of, you guessed it, being a craze among women all over the world. Then you have Himesh blushing, laughing (look away please, not a pretty sight, ) singing ‘Dard-e-dil’ totally off-key, doing a Mithun Chakraborty pelvic thrusting impersonation (keep children away) and what not, with one-expression throughout. We are also enlightened about why he never smiles, though the much-hyped revelation, of Reshammiyya without the cap being revealed in the end is a crinkle-your-eyes-in-laughter-and-you-miss-it scene.
The music, though immensely hum able when you hear it, is marred by badly picturised songs. I quite liked the sound of ‘Aasalaam’ ‘Tera mera milna’ before I saw them being murdered on screen by a cleavage-popping image of Himesh. The much-hyped ‘Mehbooba’ number with Mallika Sherawat abruptly appears at the end of the movie, without any explanation, and ends the same way.
Sadly Himesh has neither the looks nor the talent to be a ‘Hero’. And more sadly, neither does he have any honest loyal people around him to tell him that.
Hansika Motwani, who was a child-star not so very long ago, needs a couple of years, a couple of thousand exercise sessions and a few acting classes before she thinks of signing another movie. (And if she is really 15 years old, then I am a foetus!)
Mallika Sherawat is the only eye-candy worth ogling at though it looks ridiculously unbelievable to have such a Drop-Dead-Gorgeous woman lusting after Himeshbhai and him giving her the cold shoulder.
Prashant Chadda, the director of this monstrosity, who also directs and conceives all of Himesh’s music videos, needs to stick to music-videos.
As for me, I need to start wearing caps. Really low. Low enough to obscure my vision. So that I don’t watch idiotic films anymore.