DEAR READERS,
SOMETIME AGO I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO TO SINGAPORE. SINCE I WAS NOT ON VERY GOOD TERMS WITH MY BOSS, HE ARRANGED FOR ME TO FLY BY INDIAN AIRLINES. NOW WHY THE HECK IS INDIAN AIRLINES FLYING TO SINGAPORE ALSO? IS THAT THE MOST SUITABLE METHOD TO DETER TOURISTS FROM GOING TO SINGAPORE JUST SO THAT WE COULD DAMAGE THE ECONOMY OF THAT SMALL INNOCENT FRIENDLY COUNTRY?
INDIAN AIRLINES FLIGHTS ARE BEYOND EXPECTATIONS ! WAS I EXPECTING TO SEE CHARMING FRIENDLY AIR-HOSTESSES ON THE PLANE ? YES, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU GET TO SEE ON ALL OTHER AIRLINES. WELL, NOT HERE. ALL THE AIRHOSTESSES WERE SO OLD THAT IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN INAPPROPRIATE TO ADDRESS THEM AS DADI AMMA. NOT ONLY THAT, THEY EVEN TREATED ME THE WAY SOME TOUGH DADI AMMAS DO. WHEN I PLACED MY HANDBAG IN THE OVERHEAD RACK, THE NEAREST DADI KEPT WATCHING ME STRUGGLE UNTIL I FINISHED, THEN PROMPTLY ORDERED ME TO SHIFT MY BAG INTO ANOTHER RACK. WHY? BECAUSE THAT WAS NOT MY RACK.
WHEN I MUSTERED ENOUGH COURAGE TO ASK FOR NEWSPAPERS, SHE CURTLY TOLD ME THAT ALL HAD BEEN TAKEN, HOWEVER I COULD GO TO THE NEWSPAPER RACK AND FIND WHAT I COULD. THE TONE WITH WHICH SHE SAID THAT COULD BE BETTER TRANSLATED AS ’’ WHY DON’T YOU GO FIND THE NEWSPAPERS YOURSELF? ’’ MAGAZINES? NO MAGAZINES. WHY? AT THIS POINT SHE STOPPED RESPONDING TO ME.
IT IS DIFFICULT TO DESCRIBE THE FOOD SERVICE BECAUSE WORDS FAIL ME. IF I KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING TO FACE I WOULD HAVE HIRED SOME MINIATURE CAMERAS FROM TEHELKA.COM TO SHOW YOU THE GOINGS ON AT OUR GULAG. THEN YOU COULD HAVE EXPERIENCED THEIR LAZY WALK, THEIR BORED LOOKS, THEIR GREAT EFFORT IN BRINGING YOU FOOD AND THEN PLONKING IT IN YOUR LAP, THEIR DIRTY LOOKS IF YOU DON’T FINISH YOUR FOOD QUICKLY ENOUGH AND FINALLY THEIR DISAPPEARANCE FROM THE SCENE TILL ARRIVAL AT THE DESTINATION.
AM I COMPLAINING? NO, NOT AT ALL. IN FACT THE ’’DADI AMMA’’ APPROACH TO AIR TRAVEL HOSPITALITY IS A UNIQUE IDEA EMINENTLY SUITABLE TO THE INDIAN CULTURE AND ETHOS. IMAGINE THE SCENE... YOU EMBARK THE AIRCRAFT.. DADI AMMA RECEIVES YOU WITH A BIG HUG AND A SMALL TWEAK ON THE CHEEK INSTEAD OF THE DRY NAMASTE. IF YOU TOUCH DADI AMMA’S FEET, YOU WILL STRAIGHTAWAY GET A 10% DISCOUNT FOR GOOD BEHAVIOUR. (THIS IS A BETTER IDEA THAN LOGGING FREQUENT-FLIER MILES.) YOU WILL ONLY GET BHAJANS ON THE AUDIO AND BHAJANS ON THE VIDEO. IF YOU TRY AND SNEAK IN A ’’STARDUST’’, DADI WILL CONFISCATE THAT AND THROW IT OUT OF THE WINDOW WHEN PASSING THROUGH THE THAI AIRSPACE. FOR FOOD YOU GET A THALI, WITH ALOO PARATHAA AND CURD FOR BREAKFAST, CHAPATTI AND KARELA FOR LUNCH AND CHOORAN FOR DINNER, IF YOUR FLIGHT LASTS THAT LONG. AND REMEMBER, YOU HAVE TO FINISH THE FOOD. IF YOU TRY TO PATAO THE GIRL NEXT TO YOU, DADI WILL HAUL YOU BY TIP OF YOU EAR AND SHIFT YOU TO THE SEAT NEXT TO THE TOILET. IF YOU WRITE CRITICAL REMARKS ON THE FEEDBACK FORM, DADI AMMA WILL WRITE EQUALLY CRITICAL LETTERS TO YOUR FATHER IN MUZZAFFARNAGAR ON YOUR BAD BEHAVIOUR ON THE AIRCRAFT. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WILL BE FLYING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? INDIAN AIRLINES. WHY? BECAUSE YOUR DAD WILL BUY YOU INDIAN AIRLINE SEATS ONLY.
NEXT TIME YOU GET ON THE AIRCRAFT AND DADI AMMA RECEIVES YOU WITH A BIG HUG AND A SMALL TWEAK ON THE CHEEK INSTEAD OF THE DRY NAMASTE, YOU WILL REMEMBER WHOSE IDEA IT WAS!