In the last twenty years, I might have travelled by at least a dozen of airlines. I experienced the luxury of European airlines and the hospitality of the airlines from the Gulf. But my favourite air line is Our AIR INDIA. Now my emotional bond must have some rational backup. Please read the following and have pride in having such a treasure.
PUNCTUALITY
Most of the other airlines do not start precisely at the time of departure. They are five minutes either early or late. What a nuisance.
But Air India is always late. How sweet is that experience. You can sit in the lobby and enjoy the great crowd of passengers who are so unlucky to board their planes in time. You can relax as your airline is not going to open its counter for the next three or four hours. I usually buy a book having 300-400 pages and plunge into it. Air India definitely made me a better reader. Thanks. Or if I’m short of money, I’ll watch the beautiful people rushing past me pulling or pushing their luggage. I envy the children playing around or taking a free ride in the trolleys. Lucky me. My free ride will be on some hospital trolley. Hmmm. Hmmm.
GREAT SERVICE
Kripaya Diijiyee. How sweet is that sound when it falls into your ears after five or six hours’ anxious waiting. You’ll feel it as your lover’s words. Believe me; no other airline gives you that pleasure.
Then come the refreshers. You must not be cynical here. If you love to taste the bygone taste of 10 paisa toffee, take a booking with Air India. When you roll the sweetness in your mouth to alleviate your jet phobia your airline starts moving with a jerk like an old Bedford bus. Again the nostalgia of such a movement.
Finally you’re airborne. Relax. Watch the middle-aged, near-pensionable, beautiful hostesses moving through the aisle with the expertise of a gymnast on the balancing beam. Oh, they rub you in between with their big bums to make your trip more pleasurable. If you’re a sannyasi, or moron take a window seat. Otherwise, enjoy those occasional nudges that will push you away from your seat while you’re enjoying music or sleep. They are not supposed to do it since the aisle is quite wide! By the time you reach your destination your right or left shoulder (depending on the seat you’ve taken) needs physiotherapy. I always pay a visit to an Ayurvedic massage centre (old man’s problem) after my flight by Air India. I don’t know about others who don’t have one in their place.
The food is excellent. Again, I should not keep a cynical outlook here. After all, you’re not travelling in an airline to taste food. Your aim is to fill your tummy with some garbage so that you won’t be famished until you reach home. Your wish will be granted onboard Air India! Just close your eyes and stop your nose and gulp down what is served to you. When you finish ask God Almighty to strengthen your bowels.
Otherwise, a visit to the loo will be a hilarious experience. I have never seen such dirty toilets save the open-air toilets along the railway lines in Mumbai. You push yourself in or ask the steward’s help to push or kick you in, as the faulty door always loves to stand on your way. Don’t mind. Inanimate objects don’t know anything about the call of nature. Magnanimous minds must always forgive.
At last you step into a King-size loo. The light will flicker many times to acknowledge your entry. Don’t close your eyes though you will be tempted to do so. If you doubt whether you’ve stepped into a toilet or a trashcan, it’s your mistake. Modern toilets are always adorned with paper bits, thrown face towels, frothy washbasins, and soiled commodes. You’re welcomed by empty perfume bottles and overturned soap bottles. Enjoy voiding.
Now you’re free to think. Your destination is approaching and you’re ready to flash a smile at your long lost family. You hear the sweet voice of the hostess announcing landing. The plane drops down as if the pilot has switched off the engines. You get severe ear pain owing to sudden change in cabin pressure. The hostess smiles at your weary face. Say cheese.
If you don’t know how such huge aircrafts land, extra tighten your seat belt. You may just think that the plane has crashed. Perfect landing means controlled crash. And all Air India pilots know it. Finally it stops with another jerk and the overhead cabinets open automatically to shower its contents on the passengers. Saves time and energy.
YOUR BAGGAGE GETS FREE RIDES
You may be a humble passenger going to Trivandrum. But as you reach there your baggage will be moving safely on a conveyor belt in New Tokyo International Airport. From there it will go to Frankfurt, then to Colombo via Singapore on its way home. If you’ve kept some chocolates for your children or some other decayable items in the baggage, search for a trashcan before you open it. After all it’s your mistake. Don’t repeat it. If you’re very lucky you will never see your baggage again.
Mera Bharat Mahan.