“ Hmm..! The temperature is 100 deg Fahrenheit”. “ What? You mean almost 38 degree Celsius?” “ That’s right son”. “ Come on Doc…Mumbai doesn’t seem so warm today.” “ You moron, that’s your body temperature! Now go home, take some rest and avoid any form of excitement.” Excitement…. my foot. The only form of excitement after shifting to Mumbai has been movies. So for me the prescription read as “ No movies”. You have got a mail .....a voicemail!. “ Hey Nitin, this is Jiya…. Listen I have finally decided to shift to Bangalore next week and before you guys start throwing parties, I want all of us to see a movie together for one final time” was the message. I thought of dodging the proposal and then my heart melted. Talk about choices, we had to choose between “ Fun” and “ Unfaithful…er …Bewafaa”. Fun looked tempting and hot, but so was my body temperature. We zeroed in on “ Bewafaa” and thankfully so, for “ Fun” can be dangerous sometimes (pun intended). However it was later that we realized that Bewafaa can be equally dangerous, if not more. I remember watching director Dharmesh Darshan on a TV channel recently, all at praise for his upcoming movie and even lamenting a song from his flick. I now want to bang my head on a strong stone wall at least a dozen of times for not remembering the name of his latest chef-d’oeuvre. The makers of the movie “Unfaithful” would have never realized that their movie storyline is so influential, that it will lead to a series of Bollywood versions of the movie. After “Maal-Dikha Show- Rawat’s ” Murder and Meghna Naidu’s classical Hawas, we have a filmmaker, who has gone ahead a step further and simply translated Unfaithful, albeit just the title. And before any pestiferous thought flickers your brain, let me elucidate that Bewafaa does not have its female protagonist gasping for breath or making suggestive pelvic and bosomy movements in company of her ex-boyfriend. But yes, the movie is yet another loosely inspired remake of Unfaithful nicely draped in Indian culture. Dharmesh Darshan is really a naughty boy. Want to know why? Remember Raja Hindustani? Dharmesh has inversed the title, translated the first part and there you are, name of one of your lead actor is ready. Indian Raja. Right, that’s the character Akshay Kumar plays in the movie. Quiz time folks:What will be the name of a lead actor in Director Dharmesh Darshan’s next flick? You have hit the nail on the head. That’s right! “ King Hindustani” it is!Story: Do you really want the story? Actually its too complicated to remember and best left alone in the cinema hall itself. For still inquisitive minds, just remember Murder. Kareena plays Mallika, Akshay plays Emraan ( sorry no answers to …Emraan…who?). Anil Kapoor plays Ashmit Patel. Now, Stretch the story a little backwards. You haveShushmita Sen playing Karishma’s elder sister. Add circumstances which forces Kareena to ditch Akshay and marry Anil and you have Bewafaa. Ah…sorry, one more change, Akshay doesn’t die in the movie ( and that’s the precise reason why the movie is not called Murder). Quiz time again:What will Darmesh Darshan name his movie, if he were to inspire from title ’’Murder’’. Hey! Got you! This one is little difficult. Ok I will help you. Split Murder first. You get Mur-Der or Simone singh will call it Mar-Darr ( Numerology ..u see!). Now invert it. Darr-Mur is right. Finally translate any one part. You got it. Darr-Die, Fear-mur or Fear-die are the answers. Now if you are thinking that I am totally off-track while writing this review, thank me for that. For if start writing about the movie, you will run for cover. Sample this: In the movie just when you feel like running out of patience, the director throws in a surprise packet in the form of Manoj Bajpai (Dil) and her bitchy wife Shamita Shetty … (Rainy days never come alone!). Now this modern couple, for a major part of the later half, haunt and irritate viewers with their weird sense of humour…. I think I should make it little clear, as to how they test our patience. Their TRENDY sense of humour has the wife suggestively sitting on her husband’s lap in someone else’s house, them openly talking on adultery, pouring beer on each other at their own party and Manoj Bajpai punishing her wife for being naughty by threatening to “SPANK her BUM”, in front of everyone. True signs of a modern couple…ahem. In acting department, Kareena is fast improving. With each movie, she is learning to perfect at least one emotion. Here she has learned how to look “Shocked” “Surprised” and “Disturbed”.Shusmita Sen didn’t have to act, such was her role. Kabir Bedi and Nafisa Ali, as Kareena and Shush’s parents must have had very very strong reason for signing on the dotted line for such deplorably “Blink-and -u-miss” kind of role. Running woefully out of options, the director has made them sing and dance “ Shaka laka baby” in the movie. Anil Kapoor hasn’t done anything wrong in executing his role, but somehow has failed to impress. Akshay Kumar in both “bearded” and “Clean shave” version, is the only one in the movie who has looked impressive in his role. Music of the film is being liked by many, but with Nadeem-Shravan always being on my distrust list, I stick my neck out to say that they have yet again and for the umpteenth time dished out their routine traditional stuff. No song with an exception to “Ishq chupta nahi” tickles your memory even as you finish watching the movie. With “Lata Mangeshkar” and famous Paki singer in the album’s rank the music is nothing short of a disaster. A special word on the camera work of the movie. Mostly jarring and out of focus, the camera work really disappoints if you look carefully. No idea who has done it, but a 2 year old kid would have held the camera better. My friends told me that I come out of the theatre smiling like an insane. I don’t remember anything. High fever accompanied by a dose of disaster named “Bewafa” took its toll on me. Despite my condition, (been bed-ridden for last seven days), I felt my moral responsibility to make my fellow Msians aware of the epidemic named Bewafa. . My prescription for all of you: Try staying at least 897 meters away from the theatre screening Bewafa, to avoid any ill-effects that the film has on offer. Breaking News: Darmesh Darshan is tying nuptial knot soon! Congratulations Sir! We believe a similar “better sense” will prevail next time you decide on making a movie. ANY ATTEMPTS TO EVADE THE RATING AND COMMENTS SECTION, WILL ATTRACT A FINE. :D