This whole review is dedicated and scripted in a way to bring out the illusions given and realities surfaced during my visit to Biji’s Hill Retreat....In legal language, this is called Pointwise discussion !!!
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Thy name itself
Illusion : Hill Retreat ! What a fanciful and enticing name sported by this place. A Hill Retreat symbolises for me something situated amidst the hills or atleast close to hills. The retreat word characterises a place of nirvana !
Realities : This place is situated far away from the Hills of Lonavala...From all the angles, no hill is visible. A bumpy ride of 10 minutes on the horrible road from the Lonavala station makes sure that your bottoms are properly massaged even before the retreat starts ! A place of nirvana is generally where one can relax at a secluded place... This place is in fact secluded...but not relaxing !
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The Twin Swimming pools
Illusion : The brochure shown me a semi-clad chic having a blast in the swimming pool with one more pool showing up in the background.
Realities : I never expected a semi-clad chic to roam around at Lonavala, but I expected the swimming pool to be swimmable. what I found was a kiddie pool alongwith a reasonable size pool with dry leaves of surrounding trees floating around on the yellowish-muddish water. I suggested the management of this hotel to have mud therapy sessions instead of having a swimming pool..Cruel me !
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A 24 hour coffee shop
Illusions : Round-the-clock coffee shop serving best of coffee and bakery items is situated overlooking a magnificant waterfall. The coffee shop is having a checkered floor creating a nice experience for the night coffee lovers.
Realiities : There is a coffee bar with checkered tiles but the waterfall is never seen bustling with water. The inquiry revealed the bakery items available are bread-butter and bread-jam ! OMG, do they expect the night coffee lovers to sip on the coffee at 11.30 pm with the mix-fruit jam and bread !
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Sundowner bar
Illusions :A well-stocked AC bar overlooking pleasantly lit up swimming pool !
’’Realiities Saar, the Air-conditioner is not working ! Should I start the fan ! ’’...bloody hell...
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Discotheque and pool tables
Again, I dont expect hot chics to linger around in Lonavala, but I don’t expect a 10 * 10 room with pics of Rod Stewart and Samantha Fox pasted on a wall with one red and one green light flashing every alternate second made up the discotheque... Thenga !
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Some realities discovered after visiting the place
This Retreat situated at Tungarli Road in Lonavala makes u nervous from its outer appearance ! A shabbily looking Reception guy welcomes you in his mallu tone and tries to comfort you.
The retreat plays all the time one music cassette chanting Om Namaha shivay !
The retreat boasts one room 2 * 2 named as Mall selling Toothbrush, combs and hairoil... The brochure says ’’This mall is a place to buy the stuff to cherish memories of your stay with us ’ ... I bought a WIM Bar signifing Ye Hotel ne meri dhulai kar di !
One plus point : The Restaurant housed inside this place serves exotic punjabi food....But in Lonavala I don’t go for eating only food...
Rates are also plus point if u want to compromise ur vacation at the cost of ur pleasures. A decent room will cost not more than Rs. 1600-1800 for one night saty for a couple. And the rooms are matching the rates...One bed, two pillows, one TV...come om gimme a break !
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In short : The brochure and the website displays all the lucrative, luring and enticing things that an ideal retreat shoudl have....In reality...I understood Biji mainu chuna lagayi
PS : By God’s grace, I managed to escape this place in 1 day...escaped to my favorite Vallerina at Khandala ...