My friend rings me up every morning without fail. His opening dialogue is always irritatingly the same. “Yeah! Pal, what’s munching?” Alluding to my 24x7x365 munching habit, he goes on to give a long lecture on how that will manifest on me externally. This is a half truth because I do not much all the time but oh yes I do have a positive fondness for good food. Once or twice he may have climisht me red handed which has led him to have this fixed notion that I do not have anything better to do but indulge in bovine pleasure of cud chewing throughout the day.
Rrrrrrrrring! As the telephone rings I know who it is on the other end. I pick up the phone to answer and the conversation goes something like this:
I:” Before you ask let me vet your curiosity. I am indulging in culinary pleasure. But this time it is different. It is a slice of dark beauty, smooth as silk, melting in your teeth as soon as you bite into its creamy folds………guess what it is?” Of course my friend fails because he is a health freak and not a foodie like me. I continue, ” Its Cadbury’s latest find!!! Bournville Dark Chocolates and for a change it is good for health”
He: “Who said?” Is the succinct query!
I:” The entire world knows that dark chocolates are anti oxidants because of their rich cocoa content.”
He:” What about the calories that you are gulping in.”
I:”I don’t gulp, you moron, I relish. And mind you Bournville is 44% rich in cocoa. It is plain chocolate 85% which includes sugar, cocoa solids, cocoa butter and emulsifiers. In case, you have a crave for nuts and raisins then the Bournville Raisin and Nut bar contains raisins 7%, Cashew nuts 4% and apricot kernels 4%. Not that the other three flavours are not good.”
He:” You have still not told me about the calorie content.”
I (a little exasperated):” It depends upon the bar which you choose. For a 100 gm bar the carbohydrate content is 63.5 per 100 gm and for a 40 gm bar it is just 25.4.”
He:” That makes it more than 50%.”
I (trying to win a loosing war)”You will not be counting calories if you’ve ever tasted it. By the way have you?” Of course his reply is in the negative which gives me a triumphant upper hand. My next retort reflects my glory, ” Bandar kya jaane adrak ka swaad. Let me tell you, in addition to carbs, the bar also contains protein 5.6 per 100 gm and 2.2 per 40 g, Energy (kcal) 490.5 per 100 gm and 19.62 per 40 gm, sugar 47.3 per 100 gm and 18.9 per 40 gm and fat 27.5 per 100 gm and 11 per 40 gm.” I read out over leaf clutching the cover which I have incidentally kept aside.
He (dripping sarcasm): “Terrific! Impressive! What else is more?”
I (sounding jubilant):” I forgot! The smooth fine and intense experience of Bournville Fine Dark Chocolate emerges from the best cocoa info2728 sourced from Ghana which is roasted and ground with utmost care to give its characteristic bittersweet taste.” I put my own words into what is written overleaf to make it sound more dramatic. “Bite into the thin slab of chocolate and let its intense flavoured notes play a Mozart on your palate.” I almost sound ShakRajeev_Vermaarean.
But his reply douse a bucket of cold water on my melodramatic upsurge, ” Well….do you really think that’s true? Will these cocoa info2728 be really imported from Ghana or wherever you say? When something is mass produced there is no guarantee of what the ingredients will actually be. We are talking profit here. Not one or two penny but skyrocketing sums.”
I:” Hullo! We are talking Cadbury here. A reputed company! They have given their Consumer Services Cell PO Box no. 26516, Mumbai 40 00 26 and e-mail ID suggestions@cadburyindia.com and also the toll free no. 1800 22 7080 overleaf for a doubting Thomas like you to write/mail/call up in case of a complaint/suggestion/grievance along with the nature of complaint and place of purchase. You can also return the complete package to Cadbury if you are not satisfied with the product.”
But my friend is unstoppable.
He:” But then why don’t you go slow? Why the entire bar at a time. Eat a little every day.”
I:” You have to store in a cool, dry place below 28 degree centigrade which is a little difficult. Moreover, temperature and humidity changes can cause a whitish layer to develop on the product.”
He:” But without affecting its fitness for consumption, remember?” He completes in one breath. So my friend is not so naive after all. But his next rejoinder is another attempt at a barb. “One thing is for sure. You cannot resist junk.”
I (a little heated):” This is no junk my friend. When you see those dark brown packages with red, yellow, magenta and blue splashed on them reposing on the shelves your hands stretch out and grab them on their own. You don’t even have to instruct them. And the insignia in gold with the glittering fonts just below ‘BY APPOINTMENT TO H.M. THE QUEEN COCOA AND CHOCOLATE MANUFACTURERS CADBURY U.K. LTD., BOURNVILLE’ emblazoned on top left of the cover, its royal treat all right. Pure class and if ever you lay your hands on one of them just don’t miss the instigating tagline down right ‘Be treat wise. Get to know what’s inside’. Who will not go wild with ecstasy? World statistics says that women do have a fetish for chocolates.” I say in one go to win the argument. “Moreover, I generally buy the smaller 40gm pack worth Rs. 30/- only which appears to be quite reasonable.” I finish.
He: “Still…….!” He does not seem quite amenable to my rationale.
I (a little aggressively);”Well! You’ve got to earn a Bournville and not just buy it. And I think I have earned it right as I work so hard. Do you know there’s a way to have a Bournville? You have to hold the chocolate and delicately peel off the top half of the wrapper in slow, circular motion and gaze at the upper half of the chocolate tantalizing you till its picture is ingrained in your mind. Then bring the chocolate near your ear and snap off a single cube letting the sharp sound caress your ear buds with its percussive reverberations. Then as your eyes shut on their own let the tingling sensation of rich chocolate……”
I cannot finish as the snort on the other end of the line hurts my ear drums.
He: “Hey pal! Don’t tell me you are so smitten!”
I can happily strangle him but the chocolate has its effect. The mood booster elevating my serotonin and endorphin levels has given me a feel-good sensation which prevents me from truly getting angry with my obnoxious friend. I look longingly at the sleekly torn upper wrapper and a bit crumpled inner copper brown and silver cover and white and brown half cover which a few minutes back has been embracing the dark sensual “body”. Once this nerve wracking conversation is over I have a mind to increase my sense of well being by logging on to the specially created micro site https://bournville.in to interact with the Dark Devils, a secret nickname for the four different variants, Rich Cocoa (80gm – bigger pack), Almond, Hazel Nut and Raisin and Nut (92 gm each – bigger pack) available for MRP Rs. 75/- each and the smaller (40gm) for Rs. 30/- each.
Why doesn’t he put the phone down? I grit my teeth in impatience.
He: “Hmmm…..after having heard your pleas, I relent. But on second thought you should go in for the more bitter versions which are healthier. Darker the better, you know”
I (snap): “This is dark enough for me” and ram down the phone to continue with my Bournville sojourn.
Happy Munching