Ashi (aka Me): Hello girls and guys and all chocolates of the world! What? Chocolates may be watching you know! Just because they have a tendency of not saying much, that doesn’t give us a reason to discriminate against them! Well, welcome to my one (and only) of a kind chat show, which is presently nameless (open to ideas from viewers…just puleez don’t suggest Chocolate with Ashi :P)! We are here to talk about one of the most amazing, yet sooo calorific (great word!), discoveries of the world…and it goes by the name of Chocolate! And as we all know, no one does chocolate better than the great Cadbury Dairy Milk crew! Now, instead of just rambling on about this fabalicious topic on my own, I have called the well-known, totally dashing and oh-so stylish…Pappu!
Pappu walks on stage, decked out in…I’ll leave that up to you to figure out ;)
Ashi : Hey Pappu! Great to have you on the show!
Pappu: Hello Maam! I am very honoured to have the privilege of coming on this great show, which I have heard so much about. I’d like to…
Ashi : I’m sorry to cut you short there, but I think the viewers are getting impatient! Now just answer that question we are all dying to know – how much Cadbury Dairy Milk did you have to eat to get your attitude from?!
Pappu: Maam, is this show live? Because I think my producers will get angry if I accidentally tell the truth – that I don’t actually eat choc…
Ashi : O dear! Yes, we are live! So um…moving on swiftly – why do you keep calling me Maam? Do I look that old??
Pappu: No maam… I mean Miss? Its just that the experience with working with Bachchan saab gave me the habit of saying it…
Ashi : Ok…
INTERUPPTION: Raima Sen runs on to the stage…
Raima: Pappu jaanu!! Mujhe chodkar kahaan gaye the?!!!
Pappu: Raima babes...please, not now… (whispering) Socho ki mere image ka kyaa hoga?!
Ashi : Ok….Great! Another member to our show! Now please tell me you eat Cadbury Dairy Milk …
Raima: Yes I do! I love it and love it and love it! But not as much as my Pappu jaanu!
Pappu: Raima babes...please, not now
Ashi : But don’t you think Cadbury is too sweet/ fattening/ high in calories for a girl like you? I’m sure Bollywood prefers the slimmer kind…
Raima: Are you mad? How can I not eat Cadbury Dairy Milk?! I met my Pappu Jaanu there! Pehla pyaar ki khushi hai yeh Cadbury Dairy Milk! So everyone…gift your beloveds Cadbury Dairy Milk and they will be yours forever! Hai na Pappu Jaanu?
Pappu: Raima…you can let go of my arm now, mera blood supply cut off ho raha hai…
Ashi : Yes Raima, that is supposedly true…eating chocolate is supposed to give you the same feeling you get when you are in love. It releases hormones inside you with are called endorphins.
Raima: Pappu jaanu, I love you…(stares dreamily at him)
Pappu: But I don’t eat.. I mean don’t agree with what Raima says about chocolate! It is tooo sweet and eating it excessively can cause clogging up of the arteries which can lead to heart failure and other such fatal problems…
Ashi : Wow Pappu, I bet you passed your biology exam with a distinction as well!
Raima: Pappu jaanu, don’t listen to this stupid girl who is trying to flirt with you! Nothing can be sweeter than you, not even Cadbury!
Ashi : Excuse me? You do realise I didn’t even invite you on this show…
Raima: Dekha Pappu jaanu, usne jaanbhujhkar mujhe nahi bulaaya, so that she could flirt with you without any interference!
Ashi : Whatever! This is going way off subject…back to Cadbury! So what is it that people love about Cadbury Dairy Milk?
Raima: (sulkily)Well obviously its because of my Pappu jaanu’s popularity…
Ashi : And your Pappu Jaanu has been around for soo long? Sheesh, even my granddad used to buy Dairy Milk when he was a kid…
Pappu: I believe that it is because of the great publicising, packaging, pricing and general quality of the chocolate that people choose to buy it.
Ashi : How much did you get paid for saying that?
Pappu: Hahaha…(whispers) I’ll tell you after the show
Raima: After the show??! Pappu jaanu, what about our date to Chowpatty?!
Pappu: I CAN’T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!!
Raima: Oooo Jaanu, I’m sooo sorry!
Pappu: Raima babes, you just understand…you were my preliminary test, and since I passed that with a distinction, I can go on and do my post-graduation!!!
Pappu the Great(est) stands on the table and starts singing
Katte nahi yeh din yeh raat, kehni hai jo tumse yeh dil ki baat….voh aaj main kehta hoooon – MALLIKAAA, I LOVE YOU!!! Stuff that Jackie Chan in a pan and fry him…I’m the only hero for you!
Raima also gets on the table and starts throwing Cadbury Dairy Milk bars at Pappu
Raima: (crying floods) NAHIIII! Tumne mujhe dhoka diya! Main tumhare bin nahi jee sakti Pappu jaanu!!! I hate you!! You broke my heart!! But I love you! But I can’t forgive you! Nahiiiii
Ashi : I think this is getting a little out of hand…so I’m going to have to end the show here folks! But jaane se pehle, here’s your one and only chance to win an exclusive king-size bar of Cadbury Dairy Milk, signed by Pappu himself! (if his arm is still there that is). Simply answer this very simple question: What sort of human reactions does Cadbury Dairy Milk cause?
a) Endorphins to be released into the blood
b) Exteme emotional outbursts
c) Added (unneeded) courage
d) All of the above
e) None of the above
f) Why am I even answering this? ;)
C ya later, and please send your answers and feedback to my comments page!!