I remember once in my much younger days, when I was having a long argument with my mother over an issue. It was an argument that went on for some time and ultimately i had my way in the end. But it was my mother’s parting words that hit me. She told me specifically,
"Your generation is really fortunate, you have parents who give you the freedom. But you know one thing our generation is one of the most unfortunate ever, our parents never gave us freedom, and you dont listen to us either".
Time and again, I have seen many cribbing about how their parents never understand them. But my question is this, **before you accuse your parents of not understanding you, have you tried to understand them?
*We have a belief, that because our parents bought us up, they are duty bound to provide us everything, satisfy every small want of urs, sacrificing theirs at times too. But how much are we prepared to fulfil our responsibilities towards our parents? Or is that we just want to have our rights, but not willing to exercise our responsibilities?
Quite often I see trendy, so called progressive Gen X kids, saying they would not want to lead the kind of dull and boring life their parents did. Next time some one tells me that, I just want to hold that person by the collar and ask "Dull and Boring Life?". The next time you say your parents are dull and boring, and would not understand your cool ways or whatever, please keep in mind one thing.
They grew up in a different era. They belonged to an era, where their choice of freedom was restricted. They belonged to a time when internet, cell phone, 24 hours TV was unheard of. And unlike you, they did not immediately land up with a huge pay packet after graduation. Most of them worked in pretty modest jobs on equally modest salaries. But yet they took life head on with a smile. They scrimped, they saved, they adjusted. They sacrificed their own to make sure you had the best of education.
Yeah they might not be cool, unlike you they might have no clue about partying or pubs or dating. But for heavens sake that is not life. You are what you are because of your parents. Yes that swanky bike, which you ride for a weekend night out, might have been purchased with your first salary. But dont ridicule your Dad as old fashioned when he goes for a ride on that decade old scooter, it took him years to buy that. And just as you are entitled to your choice, so is your Dad.
If you feel that rituals and prayers are all old fashioned, and dont need to follow them, fine go ahead. But why should you ridicule your mom when she does a pooja to make sure you get that job or score well in the exams. The pooja or rituals your Mom or Dadi does, might not really make sure you get a break or do well. But that shows the affection and care your Mom, has for you. Respect her feelings, just as she has yours. Your mom or Dad might not be tech savvy like you. But they did not grow up, learning how to work a computer. Be patient with them.
Please keep in mind, that we have grown up in a world, which has seen changes that are really rapid. It is quite easy to talk about being liberal, hep and what not, and accuse our parents of being conservative fuddie duddies or whatever. Yes you are used to the liberal culture, you are used to dating and stuff, but your parents are not. They grew up in a more restrictive environment. But yet they still choose to give you the freedom they were denied. And in case they are hesitant or apprehensive, then remember they have their fears. Talk to them, and try to assauge their fears. There is one basic thing in life, being sensitive to others feelings. Start it at home.
I come back to my Mother’s words. I really feel so sad and sorry, for her and others in her generation. They were never given the freedom, yet they choose to give us the freedom they were denied. Her education might have been stopped for marriage, yet she allows her daughter to go and study abroad. Our parents lived in an age, where they could marry only those whom their parents choose. Yet today they give us freedom to choose our life partner. When your parents advice you against reckless spending or spending too much time at work, we fly off on a handle, accusing them of not understanding us. But do we care to understand them?
Matru Devo Bhava, Pitru Devo Bhava is what we say. Your parents dont expect to be treated as Gods, nor are they asking you to build temples in their name. All they ask for is a bit of understanding and sensitivity to their feelings.