This is an interesting topic and this review is more of an outpour. If you can bear with me and still find something useful as a takeway from these 7500 words, I would say lucky you(:-D)
I might seem to be digressing a bit from the topic, to give a context, but I’ll try to stick to what the topic was intended to be - "Caring For Aging Parents".
Well. For me to be writing this, my parents have to be aged(I am an adult, and have developed an opinion about lots of things in life by now). So, by the theory of direct proportion, as a child progresses in age and maturity, so do parents in their parenthood(Read this somewhere, but completely agree with it). So, it’s rather interesting, that my parents’s age is exactly as my age, since they’ve been parents since the time I was born(or blessed on mother earth, whatever:)
The difference however is that they were here as individuals long before I was born. So, by inference, they do have more experience with worldy matters than me, much as I would like to argue. So,
Rule #1- While arguing with your parents, always remember at the back of your mind that they’ve been there, done that much before you arrived. May be they didn’t travel as much as you did, didn’t go to the same school as you did, but they still have more wisdom, something that doesn’t come from schools/companies/phoren trips etc. Never belittle their wisdom.
My parents, gave us(2 boisterous monsterous daughters) enough freedom to choose our careers, spouses, places to settle and a whole lot of decision capacity, which unfortunately is not given to children in all households early on, in our country. But, if you’ve got it, like we did, worship your parents for that. OK, I don’t mean to light an incence for them religously every day, no, I wouldn’t go that far, but at least let them know at some point, that you do really appreciate this and consider yourself privileged.
So,
Rule #2 - **Express your gratitude to your parents for what you’ve got. Possibly, It has taken them ten times more pain for your one gain in life.
I have witnessed my parents change in their attitude towards us children over years. Initial years of reprimands, beatings included:), rigid NOs and yellings gave way to more open communication, logical debates in our later years. So, they DID think about changing for us. They started treating us as equals, even acknowledging our more keen corporate sense that they couldn’t be exposed to(Ours was a Defence background) many times, even boasting about our achievements to their peers. Now it’s our time to reciprocate.
So,
Rule #3 - Treat your parents not like aged dumps, but appreciate their accompolishments. What they did and achieved in their life time. Challenge them, if they’ve got the attitude. My mom likes to take up gauntlets we throw at her - Mom, I can bet you’ll eat your medicines regularly, BP checkups are regular etc. etc. My dad was a sport too, but gave up easily:D
Bottomline - Treat them like equals and watch them turn young again.
This one’s without any context,
Rule #4 - Spend time with them. There’s nothing more killing for an aged parent or for that matter any civilised human to remain in isolation. Given today’s modern nomadic corporate lifestyle, it’s impossible for parents to keep pace with their children and they generally do not want to move in with their children ofr a host of fears. So, if you can’t beat them, join them.
Make it a point to spend time on important occassions with them and generally give a surprise visit and watch their thrill. Bottomline is for them to know, you’ll be there for them, whenver wherever they need you and be relaxed about it.
This one’s from a real experience.
Rule #5 - Never ignore spikes in their behaviours. Let them indulge.
My father had this habit of seeing us off till the railway station even if we were a huge party including all adults. A fortnight after my sister got married, and we were all heading back to Delhi, he was late in arranging vehicle for taking us till Railway Station and in that hurry, everyone preferred to drop him. He was sporty enough to wave off bye. I did check upon him within half an hour if he was ok and he felt awefully happy to know we had wanted him onboard.
On the eve of this New year, I heard he passed off in his sleep. He never suffered anything. His expressions were completely normal. Doctors didn’t have a clue. He probably got so thrilled and relaxed after my only sister’s marriage(and his darling) that his body probably just relaxed a bit too much.
We’ve both become extra sensitive to mom’s behaviour now, who’s coping very well with the suddenness of everything. So, everyhting I mentioned above, is tried, tested and I can tell it works.
Parents are only given once and they never come back. Ask me, I wish I could have my father back.
Thanks for the patience.