(Scene – Tanmay giving his practical exam sitting in the Psychology lab. He asks the subject to go out and starts finishing the paper work. The external comes to Tanmay’s table and sits on the chair, which was earlier occupied by the subject.)
External - Hello, I’m your external, I’ll be taking your viva
Tanmay - (Ohh…so you are an external, I thought you are a buffalo who has come to my college so that the students can milk you.) Good Morning Sir! It’s nice to meet you.
External - Which test were you conducting on the subject?
Tanmay - (The one which you assigned me moron.) Sir, I was measuring his attitude by using SAS. SAS – Sodhi’s Attitude Scale.
External - What is attitude?
Tanmay - (You wanna see some attitude nincompoop, meet me at the parking lot.) Attitude is the intensity of positive or negative effect for or against a psychological object.
External - What is the difference between attitude and aptitude?
Tanmay - (What??? You don’t even know this? Who made you the external? They both are as different as your wife and daughter.) Sir, attitude is related with values and aptitude is related with intelligence. Eg if a person likes ice-cream, he has a positive attitude towards it. And if a person is good in computers, he has an aptitude for that.
External - What are the functions of a leader?
Tanmay - (Now, why on earth do you wanna know that mortal? Are you planning to stand in the municipal elections or something…huh) Sir, a leader works as a link, between the seniors and the juniors. He makes policies and makes sure they are implemented properly. He takes calculated risks and also accepts the responsibility for his mistakes.
(External smiles. Gives Tanmay 24.5 out of 25 and moves towards another student.)
(Practical is over. Tanmay is walking back towards his bike. Somebody calls him from behind and as he turns back, it’s none other than Shilpi the prettiest gal in the class.)
Shilpi - Hi, how was the practical?
Tanmay - Yea pretty cool. What about yours?
Shilpi - Mine was great. The external gave me 24.
Tanmay - Oh really! I got 24.5
Shilpi - Wow, that’s awesome! This calls for a treat!
Tanmay - Sure! When, where and what exactly are you looking for?
Shilpi - How about a movie?
Tanmay - Not a bad idea! But which one?
Shilpi - It’s your treat, so you decide!
Tanmay - Okie Dokie!
(They reach the multiplex. Wow two new releases – Sheesha and Chahat! Tanmay had no idea about any of the movies. He sees a sexy pose of Neha Dhupia on the poster of Sheesha and decides instantly. Ten minutes later they were sitting in the theatre waiting for Chahat to start!)
Chahat – Ek Nasha (Movie Review)
Oh no! Damn! After my prolonged introduction I finally do have to write something about the movie. Actually I was just trying to delay it as much as possible, since writing about this atrocious movie is as big a torture as watching it! I think the movie should be renamed Chaahat – Ek Saaza!
If you are given two options – getting electric shocks in an asylum or watching Chahat, then it’s my humble request to choose the former, since it would be far less painful then watching a three-hour non-stop nuisance show. I’ll tell you the full story (“story” hahaha) with climax and spoil the suspense, to save your holy soul from watching this “legendry” movie!
The movie is a love triangle (wow what a new concept) between Manisha Koirala, Preeti Jhangiani and Aryan Vaid. Aryan Vaid is the owner of a music company and Manisha works as a singer and dancer for the music albums of his company. She is a big star and earns huge profits for his company. Preeti is a big fan of Manisha. She is inspired by her and wants to be as successful as her in this field. All of a sudden Manisha’s albums start flopping and she becomes a fading star from a star. So, from the business point of view Aryan stops working with Manisha and instead employs Preeti, who becomes a big star within no time.
Aryan had proposed to Manisha during her peak days, but she refused to marry then, saying she doesn’t believe in the concept of marriage. She said she loves him very much and doesn’t want that love to die by getting tied in a relationship. So, Aryan proposes to Preeti, when her album becomes a hit (Wow what a true lover! Tu nahin to koee aur sahee, koee aur nahin to koee aur sahee).
And what’s next? He goes to meet Manisha (his so called “best friend” now, whom he had bedded innumerable times before), gives her a tight hug and shamelessly tells her about his new love-interest. Manisha is shocked! Can you think of a more thrilling way to bring about the intermission? Hollywood directors take some lessons!
--POPCORN TIME--
So, after the popcorn time this “once in a lifetime movie” starts again. Manisha becomes a lady Devdas drinking whole day and whole night. Manisha’s bodyguard, Sharad Kapoor loves her a lot and can’t see her in this condition, so he goes to kill Aryan. (Great! What a solution!) Just when he was about to kill him, Manisha (all of a sudden) comes from behind and shoots Sharad Kapoor. He dies. She then approaches to kill Preeti too (who has stolen her love) but Aryan says, she should take his life and not hers while Preeti says, she should take her life and not his. Manisha gets a bit too confused as to whom to kill and eventually ends up killing herself! A huge round of applause, as the movie at last finishes!
--THE END--
Coming to the performances, Manisha is finished! Pack your bags madam and go back to Nepal. By doing C-grade movies like Market, Ek Choti Se Love Story and now Chahat you are destroying your own little leftover reputation.
Preeti, now what is this? I didn’t expect such stuff from such a talented girl like you! I understand you are eager to make a comeback, but for heaven’s sake, don’t tell me that you couldn’t have got a better movie than this? And how dare you smooch that monkey-faced hero? Have you gone nuts? You have disappointed one of your big fans today – me!
Aryan film industry isn’t for you. You can’t act! Get that straight! Do a diploma course in “papad making” and set up a shop or something. But please, don’t show up on the silver screen again! We beg!
Music of the film is even worse than the humming of mosquitoes. Mosquitoes can give you malaria but the music of this flick will give you hypertension! Take two plates of steel from your kitchen and hit them against each other continuously for 10 minutes. The sound produced is used as music in this “extraordinary film”.
We usually notice the camera effects of a film only if they are too good! But the camera effects in this film are so poor that even a newborn baby can do a better job than the cameraman of this film! The light quality was so poor that I had to strain my eyes to differentiate between Manisha and Aryan!
I wonder if Shilpi will again go out for a movie with me!
© Tanmay Singh, 2005